I have an issue with blurting out the headlines of my thoughts in a simple status update when the audience receiving it doesn't know the background behind it, or the thousand other thoughts that accompany it, or the foundation of my convictions, belief system and constitutional loyalty.
The truth is, in real life, I'm obsessed.
I can't even say I'm mildly obsessed.
I'm legitimately, whole heartedly, completely obsessed.
The only shows I have DVRed are my favorite news shows. My kids groan when the TV turns on because they already know the stations I frequent. When Zach and I take road trips, we don't listen to music or books on tape, we turn on Talk Radio and leave it there for the entirety of our journey.
When we went to North Carolina we got in a good 40 hours of political talk.
And we weren't even bored!
We love it.
Just kidding. Zach is interested in it and needs to listen so he has a good idea of what is going on in the world.
I actually love it.
I might be the only person in America that is disappointed today is election day for the simple fact that by the end of the day, it's going to be over. A president will be picked and I'll have to accept America's fate one way or the other without the enjoyment and anticipation of the race.
I'm okay with it.
To be honest though, I'm also dreading the outcome of election day because that means we will have a winner. One of these people, Clinton or Trump, will be president.
I'm not excited about either.
In my head, I've dubbed this election The Criminal vs. The Clown.
I can't get on board with either candidate. My spirit cries out in protest when I imagine myself in the voting booth, trying to decide between the definition of political corruption and the definition of hatred, bigotry, sexism and racism.
How did we get to this place America?
Why are we choosing the most influential leader in the free world from the lesser of two evils?
Where have all the good politicians gone? (Sung to the tune of Paula Cole's Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?)
Yippie I, Yippie Yay.
I'm equally entertained with these candidates as I am embarrassed. Not just because of the scandals painting their very sordid pasts, but because of how they've conducted themselves. Because of the underhanded tactics they've both used to get ahead.
Because of the people they are and the lack of morals, integrity and decency they both display.
But this is where we're at. This is what we've come to.
Basically, we've made this bed, America. Now we have to lie in it.
There was a long period of time over the last year where I had decided I wouldn't, couldn't vote if these were my only two options. I prayed for other options. Fervently.
I imagined this election, such an important one, to be a battle between party giants with their souls still in tact and their bodies bleeding either Democrat Blue or Republican Red.
And while the two of them do represent two sides of the aisle and their opinions and policies drastically differ, they don't represent any side of this constitutional democracy that I can recognize.
I used to consider myself a conservative republican. But now I feel politically displaced.
Donald Trump is not a man that represents what I believe. He does not stand for what I stand for. Or speak in any way I could be proud of.
He has taken my party and twisted it into something ugly. Something filled with hate and prejudice. Something I want no part of.
And after watching this election so closely and with such a wide open mind(since I need some candidate to vote for.) I would feel the same way as a Democrat.
This is not who we are, America.
This is not what we stand for.
America is built on this beautiful premise that you can be anything you want to be through hard work. The American Dream.
I've traveled the world some and I know that this belief in a better life is unique among the world. It is laughed at by people who don't understand it. It is whispered about with reverence by people who wish it could be true for them. It is honored by the people in this nation, held tightly against our breast and protected as one of our strongest attributes.
And yet, our two options for president don't even understand this basic concept.
They sit above the law, corruption and greed dictating their entire lives. They use the working class of this nation to further their agendas. And, I really believe, have no desire to help America. Only themselves.
I'm saddened by our choices.
I'm sickened by the thought of choosing either. I feel as if I'm betraying myself. I'm going against my convictions, the very foundation of myself, in choosing one of them for president.
But that said... I will still vote.
I will still exercise my right as an American and step into the ballot box and make a decision.
Even if I still can't tell you who it will be. (Because I don't know yet.)
The presidency is only one of three judicial branches in America. Which means the rest of my ballot is even more important than my presidential pick. I have all kinds of decisions to make with all kinds of politicians that haven't yet disappointed me at this level.
And even while I'm disappointed in my options, I refuse to believe that they truly represent America. That this is truly the spirit of America. We are better than this.
We will be better than whomever is picked.
This great nation will continue to be a great nation long after the ballots are cast tomorrow. Long after the next four years are over.
America isn't a presidential seat. It's a country filled with hard working people that care about their neighbor, that fight for what they believe in. That band together in times of crisis, in times of peace, in times like these.
We are more than who we vote for. We are more than the next four or eight years. We are more than this decision.
I know a lot of people are struggling the same way I am. (And if you're not struggling... if you can confidently stand behind your presidential pick, then I'm truly happy for you. I'm proud of you. This is your right as an American and you have my full support.)
But if you are struggling... if you are having trouble deciding who will get your vote once you step behind the curtain, then I want to encourage you.
I refuse to feel bad or apologize or not do it.
This is my right as an American.
This is my privilege.
When the majority of the world doesn't get a say in their next president. At least not an honest and fair say. When a large percentage of women today still live in oppression and abuse, unable to cast a vote of their own. When I have all of these thoughts and frustrated feelings and predictions about the next four/eight years, I can't help but stay loyal to this inalienable right.
Don't let our options stop you from going to the voting booth, America. Don't let the ominous forecast looming over either candidate stop you from using your voice, your power, your American spirit to make a choice.
There are other candidates and parties to vote for besides the two biggest. Their are other positions to fill and seats to occupy.
How you vote matters.
Don't sit on the sidelines feeling defeated. Empower yourself by grabbing hold of this constitutional opportunity and making a hard, very thought out decision.
Empower this nation by making a choice. By fighting for what you believe in. By shaping this country into the legacy we can be proud of.
We are America.
And no matter who wins at the end of the day, we will continue to be America.