Can You Keep A Secret?

Before I jump into writing Bet in the Dark this morning, I wanted to take a break from the whole writing career for a bit.

If I start to talk about my books too much I find myself seriously obnoxious. And then I start rolling my eyes at myself... And then I spiral into multiple personality disorders and start arguing with myself! Like that commercial, with the girl fencing herself?? That's me.

Whenever I need a break from my own writing, or from the same genre I seem to always read, I pick up a Sophie Kinsella book. She's one of my favorite writers of all time. And even though I kind of think the movie of Confessions of a Shopaholic is a little bit cheesy, her books are simply perfection.

They are both hilarious and heartbreaking and they have those perfect happily ever afters. I love them so much.

Plus the voice in my head reads them in an English accent, so it doesn't get any better than that!

The last book I read of hers was Can You Keep A Secret?

I loved it.


But even more I adored the idea of it!

I am not a very secretive person. Not at all. I have this hang up with honesty. Like annoyingly so. Which, I'm not saying that if you have secrets you are not an honest person. Secrets serve a purpose, I get that. But I have trouble following through with that logic. Everything just kind of falls out of my mouth before I can have a chance to catch it. There's that saying "think before you speak." Which would be wonderful, if I actually got a chance to THINK before I spoke. Usually my brain is sprinting to catch up with my mouth after I've just admitted the most ridiculous thing or said something so offensive, or blurted out my exact feelings about whatever it is we're talking about when a little tact could have gone a long way.

It's awful.

And I definitely have very little secrets myself. I open up to strangers with the most bizarre confessions. And don't even get me started on group settings. I can't count the number of times Lindsay has tried to talk me down from Too Much Information while we were in the middle of dance moms who don't know anything about me.

I can't stop myself. It's like a disease!!!

Still, I have secrets. Not that I keep them intentionally, but they are there none the less.

So, in an effort to stay consistent, I'm going to share some of my secrets with you. I feel like this will be therapeutic. In reality you'll probably realize what a crazy person I really am....

But here it goes anyway.

1. I am a hypochondriac. Like a serious one. And the thing is, I always tease people I think are inclined to hypochondria.... but in the end I'm right there with them!! You have to understand though that I'm also a hippie, so I have this holistic approach to medicine which includes me never going to the doctor for anything. Well, you say stubborn, I say holistic, it's the same thing, right? Anyway, I seriously live with this fear that I have cancer. It's not completely unfounded since my dad, my uncle and a dear cousin died of cancer, my brother had it when he was 19 and my other two uncles survived but suffered none the less. I'm just biding my time. I am positive it's there. Or if not cancer then definitely a brain tumor. I am SO forgetful. Like so frustratingly forgetful. I can't remember anything! That has to be a brain tumor, right? I drank diet coke for years and years... it's the aspartame I know it is. And the worst part is, I can't even imagine small sicknesses like strep throat or chicken pox, I have to go all end-of-civilization-as-we-know-it and dream up going blind, or getting malaria again. It's so out of control.

2. On Valentine's Day, I took Stryker to the store to pick out flowers for my mom and he knocked over a ceramic planter and it broke. But it was in the back of the shelf and I am really positive it already had a crack on it because he barely touched it and it shattered! But I just stacked the pieces, put it back where it went and pretended it didn't happen. Although I am fairly certain there were two different dads that watched it happen.

They didn't say anything.

3. I peel off my mascara when I bored. Which is fine if I'm sitting there staring into space. In the middle of conversations is an entirely different thing though.....

4. Speaking of mascara.... I stole some the other day! Not on purpose, I swear! But sometimes if I have all the kids and go to a grocery store without carts to accommodate all of them, I have to stick the baby all the way in the shopping cart. And the mascara somehow got shoved down underneath the baby in his seat and I didn't notice till I got home. I for sure should have taken it back and paid for it. Especially since I feel SO guilty right now. But I didn't. And then I forgot about it. And now... here we are. I'm a thief.

5. Totally is my tell. It usually means the exact opposite of what I'm saying. Like, "I totally want to go watch that horror movie with you!!" That really means, "I hate scary movies, that is the last thing on earth I want to do and don't call me, I'll call you, but seriously don't hold your breath until I do because I probably won't." So now you know. Never trust me if I'm saying Totally.

6. For my birthday, I got my nose double pierced. And I lied.... I said I wasn't nursing. But I am!!! I just didn't want to wait all the way till August.

7. I don't really like to fly. I mean, I'm not scared of it or anything, like I trust the airplane not to crash into the middle of the Atlantic, but I prefer to drive. And I always tell people I love to fly. But I really think I just love to go to new places. The recycled air on planes really, really grosses me out. And now with security, paying for every single bag and no more complimentary meals, I would so rather drive! Flying seems like way too much of a hassle. When we went to Louisiana for that book signing last November, the other ladies could not believe we drove! They thought I was so crazy. But I wrote almost all of The Reluctant King in the car, and was so inspired by the landscape and all the different places we went, plus I had so much fun with my husband that honestly the thought of flying sounded so second rate. So next time I tell you I love to fly, just look at me and say, "No you don't."

8. In a conversation a few weeks ago I explained Money Laundering to a group of our friends as the physical act of washing money in a washing machine. And I was serious!!! I really thought that's what money laundering was!!!!! I tried to play it off like a joke and like I knew that it was also criminal activity.... but I didn't. I think I saw it in a Leslie Nielsen movie once, where they were washing money in huge washing machines and it was like this light bulb moment- Oh that's what that means! And it stuck with me well into adulthood!!! *face palm*

9. Sushi really really grosses me out. I like it, like I like it a lot. And I always tell me I love it. But it really, really grosses me out. Sometimes I have to close my eyes to eat it. And I can't be thinking about it at the same time I'm eating it.... I have to be talking or singing a song in my head or doing anything to distract myself from the texture of it.

10. For Bible Study, sometimes we learn verses and say them out loud to each other. And I always memorize them in the car on the way there in the morning!! It never fails. Every week i promise I'll spend time learning it for real, and I won't have to do the last minute memorization while I'm trying to drive.... but I never follow through. In my defense, it's a habit from when I went to Christian school.... I can't seem to break it!!!

11. I give my kids baths on the day they have to go to the doctor. I'm terrified he's going to think I'm an incompetent mother, so I scrub them so clean before we go.

12. I've also never told our doctor they drink Almond Milk and not cows milk. I only like to reveal so much of my hippiness at a time....

13. I gave up soda for Lent but I've cheated. Maybe only a handful of times, but I definitely cheated. And two days in I amended my choice by restating that I gave up DARK pop. 7up and Ginger Ale were still fair game.

14. Sometimes I get worried about how little is in my head. Ok, most of the time there is way too much in there. But then somebody will ask my opinion about something and I won't have one. Not one single thought about it! And that worries me... I think, well I should be able to decide if I like it or not. It's not that hard of a question!! Or I SHOULD be able to figure out where I want to go for dinner! I have cravings, I like certain restaurants better than others, I should be able to figure this out. But I can't! And so I'll make something up just so that I don't appear as airheaded and ditzy as I actually am. But seriously folks, sometimes my head is absolutely empty.

And finally 15. In the same way.... my three favorite movies are Empire Records, Mean Girls and Clueless. Sometimes just to sound smart I'll tell people my favorites are movies like Blood Diamond, or Tears of the Sun or something. And I DO like those movies. But those other three are by far my most favorite movies. And they are all super shallow.... So what does that say about me!!

So there's that! You might think I'm a terrible person now, but man I feel cleansed! :)

And because I want you to have the same feeling of freedom.... I'm doing another give away!!!! Comment below with a FUN secret of your own and I'll pick a winner on Friday at noon!!! You can have your choice of either a signed copy of Endless Magic or one of the Team Kiran t-shirts!!!!

And don't forget to get your reviews up on Amazon so I can post another chapter from Ryder's POV!!!!!

Happy Monday everybody!!


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  1. You Rock Hun, you are not horrible, you are honest and it is both refreshing and liberating! :)

  2. LOVE this post! And I feel the same way about sushi...I really can't think too much about it or I can't eat it. I had some w/ eel on it once, and the eel was WAY overcooked. Took a bite and pulled the rest away only to have the eel STREEEEEEETCH and then SNAP right back in my face. It was awhile before I could eat it again.
    Now, for a secret...I come off as really confident in myself, but I am incredibly insecure. Especially when it comes to building relationships with new friends. I just know that as soon as the get to know me they are going to run screaming, or that I am truly just really annoying to be around. It is ridiculous, and I am pretty sure it isn't true...but what if it is!?!? GAHH! :D

  3. I have this obsession with fan fiction. I honestly cannot get enough of it. And that wouldn't be so weird if I didn't hide it from people. I have no idea why but I feel like if I tell people about it they will think I'm crazy! Which probably isn't true because all of my friends know just how obsessed I am with reading and I never have any problem sharing the actual books I'm reading with them. Fan fiction is like my guilty pleasure. I feel like I shouldn't be half as obsessed with it as I am, but I am and I just can't get enough. It gets me through the time in between book releases from authors such as yourself!

  4. Ugh I hate flying too! I fly ALL the time but I really do hate it. My secret? Hmmm well I cry really easily.. Like in school whenever I would get into trouble I would start crying. So when my friends are upset about sometime I try to make them laugh.. I mean I want them to feel better but also I really don't want to end up crying when they're upset already LOL I'm crazy.

  5. I can relate to some of those confessions. lol but for my Secret...I am a major control freak (that part is not a secret) what some people don't know is that I suffer from anxiety attacks and migraines if things don't go they way I want them to...kind of like an internal temper tantrum my body has. Even though I know I have this problem I still volunteer to host events at my home knowing it is going to drive me nuts.

  6. I sometimes think I am a hypochondriac as well! It's even worse with the invention of the Internet and WebMD...symptoms just appear out of nowhere!! secret would be that I started my clean eating diet a week ago. I cheated last night and had a very wonderful, very delicious, unhealthy Cook Out milkshake! It was DELICIOUS and I would love to say it won't happen again, but with my will power...I'm surprised it took a week! :)

  7. I had a similar incident with nail polish instead of mascara. My daughter, 3 at the time, came to me with a new pretty blue sparkly nail polish that she "picked" at the store and wanted me to polish. I never returned it because it was 20 minutes away and would of cost more in gas going to the store and back. My secret is that I like to secretly judge cc cookies to see if they are better/worse than my great secret cc cookie recipe and currently I am still winning! I always give my compliment and inwardly grin.

  8. Great post!I am always looking forward to your blog post Rachel! :D My secret hmm...I cried for EVERY episode of Ghost Whisperer even sobbed uncontrollably for MANY! my husband sat and laughed at me.

  9. lol you are so awesome! I would absolutely DIE for a signed paperback copy of Endless Magic - my most favoritist book and series EVER! I am seriously your biggest and most dedicated fan!

    Here is my secret - I sleep WAY too much. Like..way way too much. I should be working or taking care of my house, or doing something for someone...but nope. I am napping. I just LOVE napping during the day..and if that person is texting me wondering where I am because I am ignoring them, I lie when I wake up and finally text them back. "Oh, sorry, I was in a work meeting..." *cough* sleeping *cough*

  10. I went to a Mexican restaurant with my familyI'm on the end so the last to order and the menus were passed to sister handed me her menu and I had not had a good hold of it. The menu hit my drink then started a domino effect knocking over a total of three drinks and the bowl of cheese. The worst part is my family had taken a picture of it and the cheese was no where to be found.obviously we were moved to another table so another waitress walks by looks at the mess then comments "I'm not cleaning that " it was over a year ago my sister is still calling me the nickname that I got from it "drink spiller " will I ever live it down

  11. Haha! I love Mean Girls! My best friend always makes fun of me because my favorite movies are all those girly ones and she majored in English and Theater so she's all proper and sophisticated when it comes to her taste in movies.

    Anyway... for my secret...all right, this is really embarrassing but I have a huge sugar addiction that I sometimes cannot control and I end up mixing butter, flour, and sugar together in a bag to make "cookie dough" and then I eat it straight out of the bag. It's the most disgusting habit in the world and I gross myself out every time I do it, but I can't help it. I avoid buying cookies and ice cream so I don't get tempted, but then my cravings get so bad that I turn into a sick person and eat a lump of nothing but butter, flour, and sugar. At the moment I don't even have any butter in my fridge, and I haven't for two months now, because I don't want to be tempted to use it for evil purposes. So there you go...the secret is out.

  12. Boy, I feel like I am quite boring. I play on Goodreads everyday and browse books on Amazon almost daily. I now own over 1000 ebooks that need read! It is too easy to click on the buy button. And I make sure to be all excited about the free ones so my husband doesn't know, but I am sure he suspects:)

  13. I seriously loved this post! It was hilarious and I have always loved it when I feel like I can hear the authors voice in the things they do and I can COMPLETELY hear yours!

    As for my secret...I am ABSOLUTELY addicted to someecards. They match my humor to a T....which is why it has to be a secret because most of them. are crude, perverse, and generally just not acceptable to repeat in front of, not only your own moter, but around mothers everywhere....unless you have a super awesome hippie mom. Pinterest has fueled the fire of my inappropriate humor and I'll often be reading the someecards and laughing hysterically while members of my family look on, chalking my insanity up to anything but bad genetics. As, of course, they hope and pray they won't end up laughing like a hyena at their computers one day.

  14. I love how honest and real you are. The world needs more of that! :) Your posts are kinda the best!

  15. I love Empire Records!!! Every time it would come on TV I would have to watch it!

    My secret??? Hmmmm. I love watching those cheesy Disney channel movies... Or just movies directed towards teens. I think they are just easy to watch and my brain doesn't have to work.

    Also, you wouldn't know it from looking, but I am a clean freak... Though my place is typically a disaster area... I blame my hubby and babies..

    Oh and I desperately want to rewrite the book I wrote in high school, and publish it... But I am terrified of people hating it.

  16. I love reading your posts, they're always so much fun! Thanks for being honest about these things.. now for my secret, hhmmm. It isn't big or anything but I remember when I was like, six years old, I found some chocolates in the fridge and ate all of it by myself. When my mom arrived home and asked where the chocolate was, I didn't say anything. So my mom being well, my mom, had all these speculations - like how someone might have been in our house without us knowing it and even started checking for things thinking that we might have been robbed. And then my mom started acting like a cop and tried "investigating". Then she saw the chocolate wrapper in the trash and she said aloud, 'Maybe your sister ate it?' And that was the end of that.. Looking back now it wasn't really a big deal and now I'm wondering why I didn't just tell her that I ate the chocolates in the first place and avoided all the fuss.. I wonder what was going on in that devious little head of mine. So yep, it's out. Thanks Ms. Rachel for this post and the giveaway! :)

  17. Loved this post. My super secret is I read to much. Everyone can't understand how I read so much so instead of telling them that I carry my Kindle EVERYWHERE and read when I'm stuck in traffic, if it's a really good book at the Starbucks drive thru, while I'm cooking, when I'm eating lunch, while I'm giving my daughter a bath or when I'm taking a bath, every night I have to read before I go to bed which can be 10 minutes or 2 hours depending on the night or the book, sometimes I leave 20 minutes early to pick my kids up from school so I can have that much longer to read...I mean honestly I am a fast reader which is what I tell people, but instead of watching TV live I'd rather skip the commercials and watch at another time, because I can spend that commercial time reading ;) So that is my super secret!

  18. I love how fun, honest, and REAL you are. You don't try to be someone you aren't and I deeply respect that!

    My secret would be that I homeschool my 2 boys, and that was a choice I made years before having kids. I love it, but there are so many times I wish I did not homeschool, because I never get time for myself to write. I feel selfish for feeling that way, and then that makes me feel guilty. Regardless, I probably will never change my mind about homeschooling, it is just the perfect match for my kiddos. I will find a way to make it all work and get my book finished.

    You are actually a big inspiration to me Rachel, as a mother and writer! Blessings!

  19. My phone is finnicky but sometimes i tell people I didn't get their texts, but really I'm just ignoring them :/

  20. Hey Rachel
    Well first of all I scrub my daugther down before the doc too. Lol. I think all mommies do.
    But here's my secret. I have an obsession with buying books and DVD's. As you know I LOVE reading. I buy books in secret and hide them from my hubby because he says I spend more time with my books than with him. But I have about 20 books I still haven't read! WHY??? You ask. Well I like reading my favorite books over and over. Like the Star-Crossed Series. Well I have read it countless times. Lol. I never get a chance to get new favorites because I don't want to lose my current favorites. So I just hide the books so he won't see. I collect only books from certain authors, so the books I have are all quite expensive. But the books I do want is not available in my country. The Star-Crossed Series. I would love to add them to my collection. They however will be read over and over and over.

  21. My secret is that I have an unhealthy fear of dolls. Not just Chucky type dolls either, any kind of doll with a molded face. Barbie, Elf on the Shelf, Cabbage Patch, etc. I especially hate the ones who's eyes open and close and make noise when you pick them up or put them down. I'm afraid that they plot to kill me while I sleep. I have two girls and all the dolls (the few that they have) have to be put in the closet before bedtime. Weird right?

  22. Oh secrets I love this....hmmm let’s see my secret is...drum roll please...I love to sing. Like full out top of my lungs-I think I'm Adele- type of singing. Why is this a secret you may wonder? Well genetics have done me wrong because I am a terrible singer. But still while no one is around, except my daughter but she's still young enough to not be embarrassed by this, I can't help but sing. And I really get into it. So if you happen to pass by my car while driving and see me singing with arm motions and everything like I'm Aretha you'll know you caught me doing my secret singing.

  23. OMG I looove ur fav movies! My silly secret is that I didn't really like The Notebook. I love Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling and I know its like this uber romantic sweet love story but... it just didn't do it for me. Whew... I've never admitted that out loud before. All my friends think I like it.

  24. I lie to my dentist and tell him I haven't had my wisdom teeth pulled because I'm saving. When really I am terrified and also because I have better places I want to spend $1200. We will see how long it takes him to ask me if I am only saving a dollar a month lol:)
    Also in high school I backed my dads truck(that I was driving because I crashed my car through the corner of a house when I fell asleep)into my sisters car got out and looked at my dads truck and it was okay so I left. A few days later my sister said someone must have hit her in a parking lot because the paint was gone on her front bumper. All I said was at least you don't have a dent it's no that bad(I was more afraid of my dad so I couldn't tell her) I did tell her just this past year(now 27) but still haven't told my dad.
    I have more but those are the first two that popped into my head.

  25. When I am stressed and I need to calm down I suck my thumb, beats drugs, only a few people know I do it, mostly at night!(I'm 46)lol.
    but it works for me, second thing I do is read a book, so I don't dwell on things that are upsetting me.(That's how I found you as a writer)

  26. I still love watching Disney movies at the age of 21. It's gotten even worse in the last few weeks because I'm currently taking a Fairy Tales class. I also like to believe that I'm a Hobbit at heart.


  27. My secret is I am extremely insecure and think most people stick around because they don't have anyone else.

  28. Ok so my biggest secret is that one time my mom was cooking dinner and asked my to run to the store and get her some oil. So i said sure and went. I came back with Havolene 10w40 motor oil! She just needed canola for the fries! So i guess i am just to blonde!

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