The Heart, The Birthday and The Sale

I'm catching up. I want the world to know-oh. Got to let it show-oh.

I'm catching up!

Is it a little early for a Diana Ross parody. Sorry. I'll let you get your second cup of coffee before I start belting out more peppy lyrics.

However, I really AM catching up!!! It's kind of exciting.

For once in my life, I don't actually feel completely behind the curve ball. I mean, sure, I still feel sorta behind the curve ball. But sorta is so much better than completely-absolutely-wholeheartedly-eternally-forever-and-ever-amen.

Am I right??

This is how put together I am right now. My nails are done. And they look fabulous. And they make me feel fabulous. And this isn't important for your every day life whatsoever, but since this NEVER happens for me, and I'm super proud of it and I happen to have a platform... I am making it a part of your life. :)

I discovered Jamberry. PEOPLE. You also need to discover Jamberry. I think I might dedicate an entire blog to Jamberry!!! It's been something like three years since I attempted to do anything with my nails. And now...? I look fabulous.

Also, my email, that started with 50,000 emails in it, is CLEAN. I cleared all that crap up. I deleted so very much. I unsubscribed to SO much more. And I put everything else into neat little files that I am very proud of.

I haven't started going through my fan mail yet... But that is on the To Do list and I will get to it very soon. That's actually the best part of having organized email!!! I'm so excited!!! Sure, some of the emails are like... years old... but... it's always fun to get email right?? Even if I'm years and years behind?

Let's just go with yes.

Now, if I can just catch up on Twitter, all will be right with the world! Or my life. Or parts of my life.

Or ahem, one part of my life.

But anyway. Let's move on to the meat of this blog. Because there are important things we need to discuss.


An official, not changing, get ready for it, it's seriously coming and you can mark it on your calender release date!!!!!!!

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Are you tired of my energy when it's so early in the morning for you and you're only on cup of coffee number one???

March 26th!!!!!!!

Ah! Are you excited??? I am SUPER excited!!! I cannot wait!

I am so beyond ready to give you the conclusion of The Siren Series.

I know it's late, but it is going to be so worth the wait. The Heart is packed full of just... so. many. things. I can't even tell you.

Really. I can't. It would ruin it for you. And I do not want to do that.

Okay, kind of I do... But I'm practicing self-control. It was a New Years Resolution and everything! :) But be on the lookout for teasers!!!!! And the cover reveal is coming soon!!!

There's something else you need to know...

This is not nearly as exciting, but it must be said and I promise after I say it, there will be good news.


I'm gathering my courage. This is not easy.

For real. Because as much as it's going to sound like I'm kidding right now... I'm not. I'm really struggling to say these words.

It's my birthday.


I am not a fan!

I have a hard time growing up. And it must be said that it's not really about the growing old part... It really is about growing up. I want it to die in the fiery inferno of hell. I hate it.

I just really hate it.

I'm like the poster child for a Peter Pan Complex, if such thing existed.

And it should. Because I have it.

I just have this picture of a 31 one-year-old woman... and I am missing the mark somewhere!

Sure, there are a LOT of amazing things in my life. And I can be gracious enough with myself to admit that I have accomplished a lot of my goals in these short 31 one years.

But there are other things... Things I think a 31 one-year-old woman should be able to do or think or say or feel and I am missing the mark by leaps and bounds.

Such as, when is it going to get easier to wake up in the morning???

My parents were always up before my brothers and me. My mom woke us gently with a back rub and had breakfast waiting for us on the counter. My dad would often sit at the table reading his Bible in the quiet of the house whilst my brothersand I slept through the early parts of the morning. Both of my parents for sure never had issues climbing out of bed and greeting the day with a smile.

At least after their pot of coffee.

Yes, the entire pot.

But I am so not that parent. My kids wake ME up. And it's not with a back rub OR with breakfast waiting on the counter. Trust me.

Every day I wait for some hidden instinct inside of me to burst to life and get my ass moving before I absolutely have to be out of bed before we're late to school. Again.

But it never comes!!! I will ALWAYS choose sleep. And I guess, as a kid, I just expected waking up to get easier the older I got. The more mature I became. The more responsibilities I took on.

When I am old and gray and locked away in a nursing home, I'm going to be the person they think is dead all of the time because I just won't get out of bed. And also I'm a really heavy sleeper.

Crash carts and smelling salts. This is my future nightmare.

Next, as a teenager or spry college student, when I looked at my future, I for sure had this ideal image of myself that included being well put together and on time.


There have been times within the last week when I've thought it should be illegal to leave the house dressed and looking like I did. Unshowered. Unmake-upped. Unkempt. And Un-everything else. I am a walking disaster.

A living, breathing tornado of chaos.

Today I left the house MULTIPLE TIMES with a rat's nest for hair, in a sweater that had a giant hole in the arm(that I didn't notice until later), in three day old sweats and no makeup.

And for some reason this was perfectly acceptable to me.

Granted I'm in the middle of a deadline and ALSO trying to clean my house. But STILL. This is not how I pictured my life!

And let's not even get into the lateness. I TRY. Really really really hard! And still I am incapable of getting anywhere even remotely on time. I mean honestly. Am I really going to spend the REST OF MY LIFE running like a mad woman to every event because I am incapable of punctuality?

Is there a vitamin I can take for this?? If I go to my doctor and tell him that I'm punctually-deficient can he prescribe me something????

I'm seriously asking.

What about some kind of organic green sludge shake?? Will that help?

I'll try anything at this point.

I asked my kids at dinner last night how I should stop aging. I told them I didn't want to grow older and surely there was something I could do to stop this process.

They told me to curl into a ball and lie down on the floor.

That seems about right to me.

So if you're looking for me today, that's where I am. In the corner. Without makeup. And in yoga pants that should probably be burned. Curled into the fetal position and trying not to cry.

Okay, I'm mostly kidding. I am sort of happy that it's my birthday. And I really do have so many blessings that my heart is overflowing.

Life is hard. Every day it is hard. For every single person. But there is so much love here. And I have so much to be grateful for. I can be okay with my birthday and my tardiness and my chaotic, out of control self and my sleepiness with all of these people to love and that love me back.

Just as long as you all realize, I am still having an existential crisis and could possibly be in my corner, in a ball, desperately trying not to age right now, as you read these words.

In order to combat this fear of growing up, I've decided to have a sale! Because sales ALWAYS make me happy and I figure they might make you happy too!!! :)

The Five Stages of Falling in Love is going on sale for the next four days!!!!!! We're dropping the price to $2.99 to celebrate my birthday!!! So happy birthday to me and happy sale day to you!!!!!!!

Here are some links to make your one-clicking fingers oh, so happy!!!!

The Five Stages of Falling in Love for Amazon
For Barnes and Noble
For iBooks
For Kobo



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1 comment:

  1. Currently reading The 5 Stages of Falling in Love and I can't put it down!! Another wonderfully written book, Rachel!!

    BTW, I absolutely LOVE Jamberry!!! Because they are vinyl wraps applied with heat and pressure they are a huge step above any other store bought "nail wrap" made from polish that dry out.

    Request a free sample at and select "Kelsea Barnett" as your consultant. You can also check out our over 300 wrap designs & lacquers at