Self-Actualization

You know how everything takes longer than it should??

Like every single thing.

I think I can do something in five minutes and then an hour and a half later and I could swear I fell into a wormhole or time warp or SOMETHING.

Like this morning.

All I needed to do was order some new shoelaces for my oldest child. We're at the stage of life where she either loses them or destroys them.

By the way, how does one go about LOSING shoelaces???

How is that even possible???

It's baffling to me. But it happens so there's not much I can do about it other than adjust.

This is my new reality. I am now a mother to disappearing shoelaces.

Anyway. I jump on Amazon (Because let's be honest, there is nothing better than free two-day shipping. I don't have time to leave my house and hunt down new shoelaces. If it's not on Amazon, she's out of luck. She'll have to learn to wear her shoes shoelaceless. That's just the way it is around here. If you've messed up so bad that Amazon can't fix it... then you better learn that lesson quick. And remember it FOREVER.) to hunt down some new shoelaces. I need at least two pair. One for the pair of shoes she destroyed and another for the pair that she lost. I had never bought shoelaces by themselves before, so I had no idea what to expect.

Turns out most shoelaces come in bulk packs.

Whew.

I mean, I can't imagine needing twelve extra pairs of shoelaces, but honestly, before this weekend, I couldn't imagine needing two extra pairs of shoelaces. So who am I to turn down bulk?

The great thing about Amazon is the reviews.

Okay, there are some days that I absolutely loathe the reviews on Amazon. And it's probably pretty obvious why... However, after a pint of Ben and Jerrys I can usually snap out of it and go back to appreciating all the people that take time to review products.

Because that is a serious gift.

I admire all people that write reviews. Even the perpetually angry ones.

I never think to leave a review. Ever. I mean, if I like something, I tell all my friends about it and get everyone on board. If I don't like something... I just move on with my life. That's how I am.

And I would never think to write a review for shoelaces I ordered off the Internet.

But. There are people out there that DO think of those things. And to you people, thank you so much.

Because it's not easy to just get on Amazon, search Kid's Shoelaces and find what you're looking for. Oh. No. It's some serious research.

1. I need the right colors.

2. I need ones that aren't going to unravel the second Stella leaves the house.

3. I need KID shoelaces. NOT adult shoelaces.

And.

4. I need enough shoelaces that when her sister and brothers see that she got new shoelaces, I have enough to give to them even though they don't need them.

That's just the way it is with siblings.

So, after some intense research and reading as many reviews as I could get my greedy hands on, I finally found the Bulk Pack I set out to find.

Thirty minutes later.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TIME????

Is Amazon an alternate universe that sucks you inside of it the moment you click your browser over??? How did the time pass so quickly???

Especially because check-out is so very easy. Check-out takes a total of 17 seconds.

And all I wanted to find was Shoelaces!!

Here's the real question... Are you tired of hearing about shoelaces yet??

Thought so!

Onto the real business: Me.

So, as you can see The Redeemable Prince is still not out...

Sorry guys. I'm working on it! It's just not going as quickly as I'd like.

Here's the thing. January of last year, I made this resolution... Balance. My life needed balance.

Which was a really stupid thing to resolve just before I released Love and Decay, Season two.

There is no such thing as balance during a Love and Decay Season. Believe me.

But, I really wanted it. I really knew I needed it. And I was determined to find it.

Guess what!! It didn't happen. Not even a little bit.

Okay, that was fine. I was okay with that because at least we survived Love and Decay. That was the most important thing. We all came out alive.

Maybe just barely though.

I finished Love and Decay, Season Two, Episode Twelve and I looked around at my family and house and wondered if we'd just been through the Zombie Apocalypse!

It was scary!!! And I had the exact opposite of balance.

I had chaos and mayhem and I was super behind on all my other deadlines and I was exhausted .

But I decided right then and there that we would not go through that again. We couldn't. We can't! We will not survive it this time.

And it was more than that. I wanted to do more than just survive our lives. I wanted to create an environment in my home where my kids could flourish, where my husband felt relaxed and at peace, where I felt good about working and good about being a mom and good about being a wife and a homemaker.

And have I accomplished that?

Er, not exactly. I kind of think it's impossible to be that fulfilled without nagging feelings of failure and the hovering suspicion that you are irrevocably screwing up your kids for life tugging at your gut.

I mean, I am a mom.

And honestly I can be okay with that. If I wrestle inadequacy a few times a week, that can be okay. Just as long as those feelings don't consume and control me.

Anyway. I might not have found the perfect formula to balance home and work, kids and a career, marriage and ambition, but I'm taking steps to get there.

Every day Almost every day, I'm striving to level out all responsibilities I juggle. It's not that I have more responsibilities than anyone else or that mine are more important. It's more like I'm just really, really, really bad at balance.

It takes me more time to figure this out. It takes a LOT more focus for me to get it together. And more often than not I get it wrong.

I'm just behind the curve a little bit.

And that's okay. I really am okay with who I am and where I'm at. I just hate it that I can't keep a deadline to save my life.

But I'll get there.

This year, I've already published three books, two Star-Crossed Novellas, a co-written full-length and a Love and Decay season. I plan to publish two more full-lengths and get halfway through the next Love and Decay season.

Oh and the Mash-Up!

That's a lot. And next year I won't be nearly as ambitious.

At least I don't think so... But who knows! I have so much that I want to write!!! Stories I haven't even hinted to you about. Stories that are planned as legit series and already plotted out. Stories I can't wait to tell.

But I'm trying to focus on the here and now. And I'm really trying to focus on balancing everything in my day-to-day life.

So, TRP is coming!!! And the Mash-Up is for sure coming. Love and Decay will start again December 12th. And The Heart will be out before the end of the year.

Please stay patient with me! I promise you, I am doing everything I can to finish these books and do them justice.

And I promise you that you don't want them before they're ready.

Just a few housekeeping items... I'm going to reveal The Redeemable Prince cover on Thursday!!!!!! So get ready for that!!!!!!!! And tomorrow you can expect another teaser from the Mash-Up!

Also, I'll get back to a Writer Wednesday on Wednesday. Zach and I are going to do a podcast on Thursday. And I'm going to do a little Question and Answer thing on Friday!!! So if you have any questions about any of the series/characters/craziness of my life you can submit those questions now and I'll answer them on Facebook on Friday during the segment.

So see you back here on Wednesday!!!
   

Rachel

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