Ok, who else is obsessed with reading every single Facebook little card thing that shows up in their feed???

Or is that just me??!


I have never actually posted one myself, because I feel like there is all this pressure.... Should it be funny... or snarky... should I call someone out... make it all political???

I think I've put too much pressure on it.

But the point is, I appreciate every single card that everyone else posts and take the time to read them ALL. I'm obsessed. Seriously.

Sometimes I even have to share them with Zach.

And surprisingly he humors me by laughing most of the time.

There are some very funny people in this world!!

So today I woke up a blonde.

Oh yes.

Not completely blonde... but definitely blonde. And I kind of love it.

Plus my hair is straight... it's a little bizarre. It always is.

It also means I probably won't shower for the next four days, just so that on that fourth day it has the perfect amount of grease in it to look normal. Maybe even natural.

Just kidding!!!!

I'll only NOT shower for three days... :)

Can I just say that it takes SO long to do my stinking hair. Like when I make a hair appointment it's no in and out adventure. It's not even a long-ish experience.

It's a full on four hour event!!!

I usually go with my sister-in-law Kylee. She is 21 and single... anyone got a man for her???


Just kidding.

What i meant to say, is that she is living her life in the twenties young and carefree and to the fullest.

By the time I was her age I was married AND knocked up!!! Lol.

That's not true, he didn't knock me up until I was 22. A whole 9 months after we said I Do.

(Any other young and pregnant types console themselves by promising a Phenomenal retirement???? Or is that just me??? :)

Anyway. She is not even interested in marriage at all, and so she goes with these really edgy looks and dyes her hair like fire engine red and then this last time went platinum blonde. Plus, she's gorgeous so she can get away with it.

She definitely tries to pull me into her shenanigans. And I'm all Kylee... I send my kids to private school, I am DEFINITELY pushing the limits with my nose ring and hippy hair. Do not make them expel me, the parent, from all school-related functions!!!

Not to mention the poor dance world....

Oh my.

So, we go together and it takes us four hours to get both of our hair done. So we make a whole night out of it. We start with pedicures, and then hair and then dinner. It's fabulous.

But it also means that I leave my house at 3:45 and don't get home until 11:45.

Which is what happened last night.

Ok, and I've said a million times that we live out in the country... so driving country roads at night seriously gives me an ulcer. I've already hit one deer out here and I really don't want to ever repeat the experience.

Although I've lived amongst cornfields and gravel roads my entire life, so it was definitely not my first deer under the car experience.

However, now that I'm all grown up and responsible, I'm the one paying the bill so no more deer sized road kill for me.


Where was I?

Oh, ok, so it usually takes me seven minutes to get through our little neighborhood area from the highway to my house, but at night it takes a good twelve minutes because I drive like a blind person, gripping the steering wheel as if my life depended on it at 10 and 2 and moving my eyes around the unseen darkness as if I were on crack.

It's stressful.

And then once I pull into our long gravel driveway the fear does not go away, it only gets worse.

Because once the car is parked, I then have to turn off the engine and I am suddenly in complete and utter darkness.

And it's CREEPY out where we live.

It's like a horror movie just waiting to happen.

Usually this means I sprint.... which has turned into a very quick little waddle since I'm bursting with baby..... from the drivers side door to the house. I have to run down the gravel road, past a line of trees on my left, up the handicap ramp on my right and then shove my house key into the door and throw myself inside before whatever is chasing me(yes the figment of my imagination that's chasing me....) can touch me.

It's a very involved process.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I have to do ALL of that whilst flinging my hands over my head in a wild, circular motion????

That would be because the spiders out here can construct the Sistine Chapel in web in under 16 seconds flat, so if you're not careful you will run straight into a GINORMOUS spider web and there is frankly nothing worse than feeling like you're covered in web!!!!

Am I right??

Ok, so last night I went through this whole routine, got through the neighborhood without even seeing a fox or a hedgehog, then parked the car without getting too jumpy, made it up the deck without crossing paths with a mammoth sized spider AND had my key out ready to thrust into the door.

Well, the outside lights were not on, but Zach was in the living room, so there were lights on in the house and a hundred bugs of all different sizes and origins plastered the screen door trying to get in.

This is nothing new... It just makes trying to get in the house that much worse.

But, there was hope since Zach was still up that the door might not be locked.

And I was right.

I did several arm-flailing-shoo-bugs, ripped open the screen door, threw open the main door and launched myself inside.

Sounds fine right????


In my attempt to get rid of the bugs on the outside of the door I angered one particular insect. I mean. Like Pissed. It. Off.

This huge bug flew up behind me and literally, I'm not kidding you at all, started SCREAMING at me!!!!

This horrible, high-pitched, death sound and the worst part is that it followed me in the house!!!!!!!

So my hands were full of various objects and here is this bug flying frantically behind me just screaming at me.

I of course did the only logical thing... Ran. LITERALLY ran, without looking back into the living room and THREW myself onto my husband.

Who says to me, "What did you let inside the house?????"

And I'm all I have no idea, please go kill it please go kill it please go kill it!!!

The huge monstrosity is still darting around the kitchen in angry motions, like it's flying as fast as it can and running into walls and bouncing off and running into the ceiling and the whole time it is just Screaming!!!!

Zach mumbles something about having to conquer and destroy everything and then starts his attack with a fly swatter.

Well, this.... thing was definitely armored so a fly swatter was just a big joke to it. Then Zach tried to attack it with a hand towel thinking if he could get it on the ground he could stomp on it.

Which kind of worked, only stomping on it definitely did not kill it.

Because this thing was huge and angry and apparently a meth addict from my general, far-away assessment.

Eventually he incapacitated it enough to sweep it outside, but the sucker NEVER died.


It NEVER stopped screaming!!!

Those sounds might haunt me until I die.

Oh thank goodness for my big strong, burly man... Otherwise, I would have probably locked myself in a room with the kids and let the angry thing have the run of the house.....

No lie.

Here's a picture of it. It's a Cicada. I had never seen one before, only heard them from a distance, from a far far far away distance.

Apparently nature lets them get away with those awful sounds because frankly Nature can't do anything about it.


Ugh... Isn't it awful????

It seriously gives me the heebs.

This is something I will not miss when we leave the country....


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  1. OH.MY.GOSH. Laughing so hard right now. When I lived in Southern Missouri, we had Cicadas everywhere LOL They actually make one of my favorite night sounds, but I can see how it might be terrifying LOL

  2. I was literally laughing at this post. I'm in Missouri, we get cicadas a lot and they DO scream! So funny, and your husband sounds hilarious. This is probably the most entertaining story I've read in forever!

  3. So I read this post this morning and was creeped out by your story. Then this afternoon I decided to lay out on the grass and soak in some sun when I started to hear Cicadas. I am very familiar with the sound of Cicadas cause I've been hearing them my entire life so they have never freaked me out before; that was before I read your story and saw the horrid pictures of the bug on your blog (I had never actually known what a Cicada looked like till today). So I was outside and for the first time in my life I started to panic when I heard the sound. I was picturing in my mind a huge swarm attacking me and I tried to forget about it and just enjoy the sun, but I ended up going back inside my house ten minutes later because my own imagination was torturing me with those bugs every time I heard a new noise of the Cicada stirring in the air. I can't imagine having one of those things getting in my house! I would terrify me for sure!!! I feel for you!

  4. This has me laughing hysterically ...though not at your expense. ;c) lol!! But really it is strange because I had my own crazy bug experience today. I got home from work this morning (I'm a night shift NICU/peds nurse) and found a HUGE wasp on the ground by my car. I swear it was the size of a house cat!! Anyways I high tailed it into the house before it carried me off for breakfast. I googled the stupid thing and found out it was actually a wasp known as......a CICADA KILLER!!!! Weird, right? Too bad I couldn't send my strange bug to take care of your strange bug.

  5. I live in Southwest Ohio and we get cicada swarms every 13 years or something ridiculously long that, but when we they come they come by the millions (no lie.) And they are stupid and get everywhere and fly at moving vehicles, walking people and just about anything else that is outside, and are just a menace. They are so bad that my hubby has to strip down naked before coming into the house from mowing the lawn or he will have three or four just hiding in his clothes. At first they are really creepy, but after a week or so (the infestation lasts something like 2 months, I think) they are just annoying and tiresome and everywhere.

  6. Oh my goodness tears of laughter here. You'd never survive rural Australia! :)