Ok, who else is obsessed with reading every single Facebook little card thing that shows up in their feed???
Or is that just me??!
I have never actually posted one myself, because I feel like there is all this pressure.... Should it be funny... or snarky... should I call someone out... make it all political???
I think I've put too much pressure on it.
But the point is, I appreciate every single card that everyone else posts and take the time to read them ALL. I'm obsessed. Seriously.
Sometimes I even have to share them with Zach.
And surprisingly he humors me by laughing most of the time.
There are some very funny people in this world!!
So today I woke up a blonde.
Not completely blonde... but definitely blonde. And I kind of love it.
Plus my hair is straight... it's a little bizarre. It always is.
It also means I probably won't shower for the next four days, just so that on that fourth day it has the perfect amount of grease in it to look normal. Maybe even natural.
I'll only NOT shower for three days... :)
Can I just say that it takes SO long to do my stinking hair. Like when I make a hair appointment it's no in and out adventure. It's not even a long-ish experience.
It's a full on four hour event!!!
I usually go with my sister-in-law Kylee. She is 21 and single... anyone got a man for her???
What i meant to say, is that she is living her life in the twenties young and carefree and to the fullest.
By the time I was her age I was married AND knocked up!!! Lol.
That's not true, he didn't knock me up until I was 22. A whole 9 months after we said I Do.
(Any other young and pregnant types console themselves by promising a Phenomenal retirement???? Or is that just me??? :)
Anyway. She is not even interested in marriage at all, and so she goes with these really edgy looks and dyes her hair like fire engine red and then this last time went platinum blonde. Plus, she's gorgeous so she can get away with it.
She definitely tries to pull me into her shenanigans. And I'm all Kylee... I send my kids to private school, I am DEFINITELY pushing the limits with my nose ring and hippy hair. Do not make them expel me, the parent, from all school-related functions!!!
Not to mention the poor dance world....
So, we go together and it takes us four hours to get both of our hair done. So we make a whole night out of it. We start with pedicures, and then hair and then dinner. It's fabulous.
But it also means that I leave my house at 3:45 and don't get home until 11:45.
Which is what happened last night.
Ok, and I've said a million times that we live out in the country... so driving country roads at night seriously gives me an ulcer. I've already hit one deer out here and I really don't want to ever repeat the experience.
Although I've lived amongst cornfields and gravel roads my entire life, so it was definitely not my first deer under the car experience.
However, now that I'm all grown up and responsible, I'm the one paying the bill so no more deer sized road kill for me.
Where was I?
Oh, ok, so it usually takes me seven minutes to get through our little neighborhood area from the highway to my house, but at night it takes a good twelve minutes because I drive like a blind person, gripping the steering wheel as if my life depended on it at 10 and 2 and moving my eyes around the unseen darkness as if I were on crack.
And then once I pull into our long gravel driveway the fear does not go away, it only gets worse.
Because once the car is parked, I then have to turn off the engine and I am suddenly in complete and utter darkness.
And it's CREEPY out where we live.
It's like a horror movie just waiting to happen.
Usually this means I sprint.... which has turned into a very quick little waddle since I'm bursting with baby..... from the drivers side door to the house. I have to run down the gravel road, past a line of trees on my left, up the handicap ramp on my right and then shove my house key into the door and throw myself inside before whatever is chasing me(yes the figment of my imagination that's chasing me....) can touch me.
It's a very involved process.
Oh, did I forget to mention that I have to do ALL of that whilst flinging my hands over my head in a wild, circular motion????
That would be because the spiders out here can construct the Sistine Chapel in web in under 16 seconds flat, so if you're not careful you will run straight into a GINORMOUS spider web and there is frankly nothing worse than feeling like you're covered in web!!!!
Am I right??
Ok, so last night I went through this whole routine, got through the neighborhood without even seeing a fox or a hedgehog, then parked the car without getting too jumpy, made it up the deck without crossing paths with a mammoth sized spider AND had my key out ready to thrust into the door.
Well, the outside lights were not on, but Zach was in the living room, so there were lights on in the house and a hundred bugs of all different sizes and origins plastered the screen door trying to get in.
This is nothing new... It just makes trying to get in the house that much worse.
But, there was hope since Zach was still up that the door might not be locked.
And I was right.
I did several arm-flailing-shoo-bugs, ripped open the screen door, threw open the main door and launched myself inside.
Sounds fine right????
In my attempt to get rid of the bugs on the outside of the door I angered one particular insect. I mean. Like Pissed. It. Off.
This huge bug flew up behind me and literally, I'm not kidding you at all, started SCREAMING at me!!!!
This horrible, high-pitched, death sound and the worst part is that it followed me in the house!!!!!!!
So my hands were full of various objects and here is this bug flying frantically behind me just screaming at me.
I of course did the only logical thing... Ran. LITERALLY ran, without looking back into the living room and THREW myself onto my husband.
Who says to me, "What did you let inside the house?????"
And I'm all I have no idea, please go kill it please go kill it please go kill it!!!
The huge monstrosity is still darting around the kitchen in angry motions, like it's flying as fast as it can and running into walls and bouncing off and running into the ceiling and the whole time it is just Screaming!!!!
Zach mumbles something about having to conquer and destroy everything and then starts his attack with a fly swatter.
Well, this.... thing was definitely armored so a fly swatter was just a big joke to it. Then Zach tried to attack it with a hand towel thinking if he could get it on the ground he could stomp on it.
Which kind of worked, only stomping on it definitely did not kill it.
Because this thing was huge and angry and apparently a meth addict from my general, far-away assessment.
Eventually he incapacitated it enough to sweep it outside, but the sucker NEVER died.
It NEVER stopped screaming!!!
Those sounds might haunt me until I die.
Oh thank goodness for my big strong, burly man... Otherwise, I would have probably locked myself in a room with the kids and let the angry thing have the run of the house.....
Here's a picture of it. It's a Cicada. I had never seen one before, only heard them from a distance, from a far far far away distance.
Apparently nature lets them get away with those awful sounds because frankly Nature can't do anything about it.
Ugh... Isn't it awful????
It seriously gives me the heebs.
This is something I will not miss when we leave the country....
Who is Rachel?!?
Rachel Higginson is the author of The Five Stages of Falling in Love, Every Wrong Reason, The Star-Crossed Series, Love & Decay Novella Series and much more! She was born and raised in Nebraska, and spent her college years traveling the world. She fell in love with Eastern Europe, Paris, Indian Food and the beautiful beaches of Sri Lanka, but came back home to marry her high school sweetheart. Now she spends her days writing stories and raising four amazing kids.
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