Swelling and Shrinking

Ok first things first.


And the angels sang in heaven folks.

What is happening to the world???

Especially because today is a laundry day which usually means nap times are iffy if at all existent...

But they got into trouble.

At Target.

Well... Technically on the way home from Target, but you get the idea. So there punishment was to lay on the couch whilst I switched over the laundry and they had to be still and quiet.

Yes, I knew exactly what I was doing with the three year old. But the five year old went blissfully down with the ship as well and now I've enjoyed almost an entire hour of peace and quiet.

Yep. Yep.

It's been glorious.

And I've had all the time in the world to change into my brand new Target dress. I had to buy this new Target dress because I apparently over dressed today and was sweating my eye sockets out in Jeans and a three-quarter sleeve shirt.

I mean... It was getting uncomfortable.

So I bought a maxi.

I promised myself new summer dresses and so I am justifying this purchase into falling into that category.

Not to mention my stomach is GINORMOUS and so I needed something roomy.

When I went in to the doctor for my twenty week appointment, I was measuring under average AND the baby measured a little smaller than average in the ultra sound.

So I was measuring like 18 at 20 weeks.

Last week I went in for my 24 week appointment and I jumped up a little.

No. Not a little.

I jumped up so much my doctor actually exclaimed, and I do mean exclaimed literally... "WHOA!"

Because in four weeks I went from measuring a little under to measuring 29!!!!!!

I do not have small babies. I don't know what crazy part of me thought I was capable of having smaller babies... But apparently that part is also a little delusional and a whole lot forgetful.

So I'm huge.

And if I'm honest with myself, this dress makes me look HUGE. But just in the stomach.

The rest is all my kind of normal.

It may or not be huge all on it's own.


Although.... Can we just talk about something. Because in addition to my stomach growing ginormicon, my boobs are also following suit.

And can I just say, I CANNOT have bigger boobs. I can't. I don't know what to do with them!! And forget EVER doing a serious workout again. Walking. Walking is about all I'll allow these bubbies to face.

There is connective tissue I need to protect here people!!!!

But there are other parts of me. STRANGE parts of me that are starting to shrink and I'm getting kind of worried about them.

Not weird parts.

Just strange parts.

Like my feet for example. Suddenly all my high heels are too big. And not just a little to big... Like a half size to big.

My ankles on the other hand are swelling up might nicely. Ugh. I have never had swollen ankles before... I've always had winter babies.

Except for the first time I was induced and they used pitocin. I didn't know ankles could get that big.

And so I'm a little bit worried about what is going to happen with the cankles...

My feet are fine though. I find this so strange!! Who at 28 starts to get smaller feet?? Anyone? Seriously, I need ideas.

Could I have osteoperosis of the feet? Is that a real possibility???

And it's not like just one pair got a little over stretched or something. No, ALL of my shoes are too big.

On top of that. My HEAD IS SHRINKING!!!

I have a case of shrunken head syndrome and I'm not even lying.

I bought these sun glasses and they fit perfectly. If not a little snuggly on my head.

Now, I can't even keep them up. Seriously, they fall down my nose. And if I bend over they just fall completely off. Plus, they are too big to prop on top of my head like a headband.

What is happening?????

It's out of control.

Super annoying.

And it's the first time my nose ring has ever come practically into service. Literally my sunglasses rest on my nose ring.

So. If you see me on the street don't be alarmed at my dwarf sized feet sitting under globe sized ankles with a beach ball sized tummy and a little, itty bitty head.

Plus, my hair is not shrinking. Just my head. Imagine THAT for a minute....

This could be a bad thing. Part of me always leaps to cancer. Yes, cancer caused the shrinkage.

But part of me wonders if it's just my hypochondriac brain tumor healing itself... In which case a shrunken head could be a good thing.

What? Every time you guys get a headache you don't automatically jump to a brain tumor and death looming on the horizon????

Huh... What an interesting way to live....


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1 comment:

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