An Exercise in Procrastination

Let's be clear. Very clear. Right now I SHOULD be cleaning. I should be. But I'm not. And, truthfully, I don't plan on it.

I set out this week to clean on Monday. You know, to fulfill my once every two week obligation. (The real, deep clean obligation, I try to keep it picked up daily... Try to.... Usually I fail in one room or the other....)

But it's Friday.

And I just made the executive decision I'm putting it off for the weekend.

And all the Dust Mites rejoice!

But here's the thing. I NEED new vacuum bags. I seriously, really, in all honesty should not even attempt to vacuum one inch of this house until I have changed the bag. And I don't have any in the house. It's a whole trip to a store, I was JUST at yesterday and a purchase I completely spaced. And I have absolutely NO intentions of going back to the store until Next Thursday after Bible study when kids eat free in their cafeteria, and I can sit with all my Bible Study Mama's and feed my little fam bam for $3.17. Yep. All four of us!


Anyway, that was way off subject.

So the house is not getting cleaned today, because what's the point of dusting if I can't vacuum until Monday??? It will surely be Monday. I'll at least send Zach over the weekend before I wait until the end of next week.

Don't worry.

Or maybe I'll slip into the store during dance tomorrow....

Either way, I'm not going today.

Not when Stryker just fell asleep for his afternoon nap, and Scarly Jo just threw a huge temper tantrum and when she fell silent I went to check on her and she had tucked HERSELF into bed and fallen asleep.

Oh no, I am not messing with this. I'm taking it as a sure sign from God to pick up the house thoroughly and maybe, possibly get some writing done.

Or, at the very least, take a much-needed, much-anticipated shower!!!!!

What? I thought I was cleaning today, what would have been the point of a shower beforehand....? :)

Oh kids. Kids run my life. Completely. Utterly. And dictatorially!!

I don't even see an end to this in sight.... Yikes!

In the car this morning, on the way to take Stella to preschool, Scarlett, who had a particularly rough morning of crabbiness, was complaining about her coloring book that dropped on the floor and demanding at the top of her lungs that I retrieve it for her whilst merging into morning traffic on the interstate.

I have been trying to explain to my children the importance of being a safe driver and how my eyes need to stay fixedly on the road every moment I'm driving.

So far, they haven't been getting it. And this discussion has been going on for a while.... Unfortunately. Apparently, my servant-status remains with me wherever I go with them. And if they need something in the car, by golly, I better get it for them!

Anyway, yesterday I had gone to great lengths to explain this to them, even numbering out ALL of the stuff I need to do while I drive and where my priorities fall.

So, this morning, Scarlett is screaming/crying/shouting/all around getting mad about this coloring book and Stella waits for a quiet moment, and then turns to her sister and says, "Scarlett, don't you know? Kids are last!"

I about died. How awful, that is the ONE thing she took away from our whole conversation!!! That, yes, in my driving priority list, my children are in fact labeled at the bottom!!

Oh, how very wrong she is!

Although, now that I write this, I do kind of remember explaining it to them like that in the car. But only while talking about driving!! In fact, when Scarlett was just under a year old, I remember pulling the car over every other mile because she had inevitably found something to choke on and I was terrified of losing her to one of those awful infant car seats!

And that was a second born ladies and gentlemen.

A crafty, sly, inventive second born that had a knack for finding small things to nibble on....

But when I'm driving there are a few important factors I need to focus on first.... Including, but not limited to the road, the other drivers, the speed limit, and so forth and so on.

And even then I have a difficult time keeping it together. As evidenced this morning by my slamming of the brakes when I passed a police officer on the interstate. The speed limit was 60 and so I felt the need to slow down from 59 to 55....

Apparently, you can never be too careful.

But explaining the difference to my kidlets might not be this simple.... One day they'll understand, right???

Anyway. I better get to picking up if I want time to shower AND write. Both of which are better accomplished during nap time.

Just take this as a warning that because of the pending Quarantine on my uncleaned house, NOBODY is allowed over this weekend.

I'm serious. Don't just show up, or I'll make you entertain yourself outside with all the country/Jurassic park bugs. OR. Make you run to Hy-Vee for me and stock my cleaning closet with Kirby Vacuum Bags.

Although, announcing the status of my hygienic habits online, certainly doesn't further the image that I have it perfectly together all the time anyway... But I promise, in person the house is much worse.

And don't even try to tell me that you don't normally bother to think of me as one of those people that has it all together. Obviously, by the sweat pants, the slippers, the shirt that actually has holes in it and the rat's nest of a beehive on the top of my head, I have it all together....



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