Massage Envy

Oh, Monday Mornings.

But here we are. After a fabulous weekend!

I am exiting the weekend a year older, but somehow this transition is easier than it has been in the past. This year I accomplished some things. Some life goals. And maybe before, it was harder to grow older knowing I had hit a plateau. So 28 came and went without tears and in celebration because I felt like it was Ok to be 28, Ok to turn a year older, knowing 27 was not wasted.

I don't know. That's my theory. My psychological self-diagnosis.

Oh my, if only I would have stayed a Psych-Major for longer than two semesters... I might know what I'm talking about then! :)

But. The birthday day too, that might have had something to do with how easy it was to turn 28.

I was spoiled. Completely! And since Zach and I both forgot it was my birthday last year, (Which sometimes happens when your birthday is sandwiched in between two of your children's....) it was a very nice surprise.

So. After breakfast in bed and a morning where the hubs did the dishes. I was off to lunch with two of my closes friends! We had Mexican at my favorite little restaurant and drank iced tea, which under non-pregnancy conditions would have been their extraordinary margaritas....

And in the middle of it, I get this text: Sorry to cut your lunch short, but you have a Mommy-to-be massage at 12:45.


Oh, it was from Zach!

So, I finished lunch. We laughed about crazy bosses, and adventures in dating. All their stories, not mine.... All my dating stories deal with Zach. And I left the restaurant with a huge smile and the most ginormous chocolate cake I have ever seen, complements of my dearest friend Ashley!

I'm not kidding you, it's ginormous. It's made in one of those like aluminum turkey roasters!!!!! That's how big it is. And it's called Mud Slide Cake. It has crumbled up oreos in it! Yes, inside the cake!!! I would share it with you all if I could, because it is so big if I eat this whole thing I will without a doubt get type 2 diabetes.... It doesn't look good for me!

Maybe I'll take it to dance tonight. Lindsay would love that, I'm sure!!! :)

Anyway, so I dashed out of lunch and sped over to the spa. Yep. The spa. What???

I was glad I dressed up for lunch. Let me tell you....

Oh, and the whole thing about me being on time. I wrote that like three hours before I was speeding around town, fifteen minutes late for everything! I didn't even have kids with me to excuse my behavior.

Oh! And also. Ok, so you know how I gave up soda for Lent????? Well. Thursday. The VERY next day! I found myself at Burger King for a play date with two of my dearest college friends AND I totally broke my vow!!

It was terrible.

And I didn't just have one fountain drink... I had like four refills.... I'm so ashamed!!!!!

But, in my defense. Because, truth be told, I am a connoisseur of Fountain Drinks and have you SEEN the new BK fountain pop machines???? They are like something God Himself gave to mankind. There are like a million different flavors. And it's all touch screen. So, you pick Coke and then it takes you to this screen where there are like ten different types of coke. Orange Coke. Lime Coke. Cherry Coke. Vanilla Coke. Vanilla Chery Coke. And so forth and so on. And it's like that with EVERY pop!!! Seriously. Amazing!

Here's a picture. In case I'm not the only one just now hearing of this!!

But still. I broke Lent.

Dang it.

Ok, where was I?

Oh, so I arrive at the Spa. And sign in with the automated key pad thingy. And they take me back.

Now, the last time I got a massage was a couple years ago and I vowed to NEVER go back. It was a horrible. Terrible. Awful experience!

It started with me being late.

Who is surprised???

Lol. I should have warned them what I was like when I set up the appointment....

But, I didn't and this lady was furious with me! I walked in the door and the first thing she says to me is, "You're late." And I fumble some apology about I don't even know what. And fill out the paper work, and she takes me back.

I went with my mother and aunt, so we were all getting massages together, but in different rooms. My aunt's masseuse was just as angry with her and storms back to her private room, steam literally streaming from her ears.

We do the whole get undressed thing and get up on the table and then the lady comes in and starts massaging me.... I'm like, Ok, this is going to be nice. I can relax. I can enjoy this.


So. Wrong.

The first thing this lady does is start to lecture me on how rude it is to be late. How it's inconsiderate to others and selfish!

Don't get me wrong. I need to hear that argument. I do. It was the same argument I heard during college, when I was put on disciplinary probation my sophomore year because I was late for curfew too many times. I had to meet with the Dean of Women and have RA meetings and Accountability meetings and hours upon hours of listening to how rude and wrong it is to be late.

Fast forward several years.

I'm still late.

I've stopped believing it's part of my sinful nature. And started believing it must be some virus I caught as a child....

Anyway. Then the masseuse goes on to snottily inform me that she can't do an hour long massage like I scheduled and paid for because I'm late. Now she can only do a 45 minute massage and she felt the firm need to hammer this into my head!

It didn't matter that I continued to reassure her that I was completely fine with 45 minutes and there was absolutely no need to worry about the lost fifteen minutes. I just want to relax. Just for 45 freaking minutes! That's all.

But. She didn't stop. She continued to lecture. The whole 45 minutes.

I don't think I felt anything but pain for the entire time....

And then it was time to pay.

And I am more worked up than ever. Of course, I smile and don't say anything because I am very, very non-confrontational, and feel like maybe she's just had a bad day... Maybe, things in her life are not going her way and she feels a severe loss of control and by me being late and furthering this sense of overwhelming chaos, I have pushed her to the point of no return...

Or something like that.

But I'm at the front with my aunt and we pay at the same time. Of course there is that little moment where it's time to fill in the tip amount.

Now, my massage was a Christmas Gift and so the tip was already included in my massage. But. My Aunt's was not.

My aunt is a wonderful lady. Wonderful. Kind. Generous. Giving. Just a beautiful person all around.

However, her ear had just been bitten off for the last forty five minutes by her masseuse and she might not been in the most gracious spirit when she tipped 15% and not 20....

After all, her masseuse hardly earned 20%.

Still, the cashier, felt the need, in front of a lobby full of people and other employees that the standard amount for tipping is 20% and not 15. And that it's hardly fair to her masseuse to under tip her!

Oh my gosh. My aunt was mortified. And I was infuriated.

So I ask the young girl, "Is %20 a required tip?"

And the girl says, "No, it's suggested, but it's strongly suggested."

I think my face turned purple.

My aunt and I couldn't even respond and so we turned around and stormed out of there! Well, in a polite, non-confrontational way that we hoped wouldn't offend anyone.

I wrote a letter later. A very detailed, descriptive letter of how awful my experience was there. It was something I've never done before....

I never heard back.

Anyway, I had the opposite experience on Friday. Thank God! She was wonderful! Although, I've spent the entire weekend recovering!! Does anyone else get super sore after a massage??? I become crippled I swear! I can barely move my back and my neck wants to detach itself from my head.

But Friday I felt amazing. So after I got home, I snuggled on the couch with all the kidlets and hubby and read while they played around me. It was one of those inspiring family moments where you remember this is what life is all about, this is why I'm here and this is where my happiness comes from.

We were like a hallmark commercial. Ok. :)

And then Zach surprised me again by having his mom come over to watch the kids whilst he took me to dinner.

We are still relatively young, right? And we hardly go out, so it seems obvious that with a sitter at home, we would take full opportunity to party the night away, right???


We had dinner at this fabulous Italian place, called Dante's. I'm not kidding you, it was amazing. They do everything fresh. Like the cheeses, the breads, the pizza crust (The pizza is what they're famous for.) and then they fly in all of the meats and such from Italy .

Oh my gosh.


We had a pork belly appetizer. I can't even describe to you how delicious and rich it was. And then we ordered pizza. There is something about only 35 restaurants in the US are approved by this Napoli-type pizza and Dante's is one of them.


So anyway, we eat dinner. We talk for a very long time. We leave the restaurant. And it's 8:30.

Yep. 8:30. And we are talking about going back home!!!! What is wrong with us????

And the only reason we didn't go back home was because we knew that the kidlets would not be asleep yet and what other reason is there to get a babysitter if not to put your kids to bed for you????

So. To kill the time. We went to..... Drum roll please.... Get excited, you are going to just die when you find out how crazy we are.....


Yep. We went grocery shopping without the kids.

And then we went home and both passed out on the couch by 10:30.

Watch out world. Friday nights will never be the same!

Oh good grief... Although, it was a perfect day. And I had an amazing birthday. And I feel so blessed. So. Blessed.

And now today, is my Scarlett's birthday, my little wildflower. She turns three!

Although, with Stella turning five, it felt like, oh my goodness, how did we get here??? Kindergarten next year??? How can this be???

And with Scarlett, it's more like, Really? You're just now three??? Are you sure you're not sixteen??? I could have sworn you've been three for years!

She's just not your typical three year old. I mean, apart for the screaming, temper tantrums, and fighting with her sister....

Which, even then, I'm not so sure it's typical. She has the wrath of a Greek god and not in the good way. Think bowls of plague poured out onto the earth and famine and disease.

Like. That kind of wrath.


However, she is also the sweetest, most caring child too. And she is like light with her smile and golden hair.

She keeps us interesting and entertained. And someday she is going to rule this world.

She has to. All that energy, drive and determination NEEDS to go into something huge!


But today she is only three. And alive with the excitement of her birthday!

And my heart is full of these blessings and constricted with so much joy. I think these are the moments Mary took and treasured in her heart. That's how it feels these days. But there are too many treasures for my weak, insufficient heart. But I hold them all still, tightly and in between breaths of thanksgiving and tearful prayers of joy.


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  1. Hi Rachel,
    Any idea when Your last book will come out in Barnes and Noble?

  2. It sounds like your Massage Therapist was too firm for you to be that sore. As a Massage Therapist, I always am very careful with the amount of pressure, especially if it is very firm on a new client.

    Sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience a few years ago. Those are the Massage Therapists that make us look bad.

  3. Happy birthday Rachel! Sounds like it was a perfect day! :)

  4. Love, love, love your blog! You've been gifted with an award! You can check it out here...

  5. After seeing pictures of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber, they would make the perfect Eden and Kiran!! Love your books and I look forward to future readings. Thank you for your creativity.