Chaos Theory

Ok, Ok, Ok.

Let's get real honest.

I've been ignoring my blog.

And my Facebook. (For the most part...)

And especially my Twitter.

Also. My phone.....

In fact the only thing I even dare go near these days is my Email and that's only to check it one million times a day.

So. Since, I decided today that there was absolutely no way I could continue ignoring my blog without SOME kind of explanation here I am. And I'm going to give you one. And then I'm going to talk about my life and not mention this darn book again for at least twelve paragraphs except to say that I may be losing my mind completely and I can blame it all on Endless.

That's right. Endless is going to be the End of me.

Do I sound frazzled???

Because, don't worry if I do. On the other side of this computer screen sits a clean, showered, girl with manicured nails, perfectly styled hair, children who are dressed and ready for the day and an immaculately clean house.

Or just call me a big, fat, LIAR. Because that's what I am.

No, I can't even remember my last shower. I can't. Yesterday was so bad I wore pig tail braids!! People I am going to be 28 this month!!! Well past my Pippy Longstocking days!!!!! My nails, all of them, every single one of them, have broken this week. It started on Sunday and hasn't stopped. A clear sign that this darn book was supposed to be out weeks ago and isn't.

I can't even talk about my house. Like, literally for legal reasons, I'm terrified someone will call CPS. Or the EPA. :) Just kidding!!!! (I have to say that for legal reason....)

Just kidding again, in all seriousness. It's clean. Just not picked up. And last night, in the darkness and after dinner, I thought to myself, I'm just going to wait to do the dishes till tomorrow.... Why does that always sound like a good idea at night?? And then in the blinding light of day, you wake up and you're like HOLY CRAP how can one family use SO many dishes!!!!!!

And One out of Three of my kids are dressed and ready for the day. That would be Stella who is at school and had to be dressed. Pajamas and wild hair were NOT an option....

This book. Oh, this book. It might just be my mental undoing.

If you are looking for it, it's not out. You can't find it. And I promise when it does get out I will make millions and millions of announcements so you don't have to refresh the Amazon page every thirty seconds. :) Although, I so appreciate everyone's excitement!!! I'm thrilled actually!!!

I'm waiting on the Cover Art. That's the hold up. I mean, the book is ready to go. Like, ready to publish. The minute I get my Cover Art in and I approve it, I'm ready.

Until then, we are all playing the waiting game.... And if you think you're anxious... Times that by, um, a bazillion!!! And that's how I feel....

I hate it. And I apologize.... I am a procrastinator. That much is true. And I usually wait till the last minute to do EVERYTHING. That's just how I operate.

But. I am not one that is capable of disappointing people. Even strangers... I'm too sensitive. And I'm not nearly conniving enough to be doing this for Hype. Believe me. I have a therapist on speed dial to get me through this, if this was hype, I would hope I would be excited. Not pulling my hair out....

Be assured. It's finished. And you will get it. And you will be able to read it very, very soon.

In fact, if we're going to be honest.... This is absolutely killing me. The longer you wait, the more expectations you have, and the more terrified of disappointment I become. I feel like I'm on the verge of Hives. And people, that's just not pretty!!!!

Do I sound like a crazy person yet? Because Zach and I are completely recognizing the signs....

That being said, I'm not ready to release the book without a cover yet. If I get desperate in the future, it may become a last minute resort... But. We're only two days off schedule as of right now, so I'm not willing to jump to any quick fixes....

Last thing I'm going to say about the book. Just for Miriah's and Lindsay's sake because I know I'm driving them crazy going on and on and on about this.... :) After I post this blog. Directly after. I will be posting the first chapter of Endless on here..... I have refrained up until now because it actually feels kind of cruel to me, to put a teaser out there so close to the release of the book and then make you wait longer.... But. I've also decided to get over myself and remember I'm not such a big deal after all and give ya something!!!! :)

Oh, last, last, last thing. THANK YOU for being gracious and waiting and not hating me!!!! I so appreciate every reader and just cannot even fathom all of the emails/messages/comments/tweets I've gotten and how excited people are! I'm truly humbled and can hardly believe it!!!


Let's talk about my life.

Ugh. My crazy. Out of control. Chaotic. Life.

I think I need a Life Coach.

Wait, maybe not a Life Coach, I don't need someone to tell me what to do... I'm not very good at listening to those kinds of people.... What I need is a Home Organizer!!!

No, Ok, I need a both. I'm thinking about this and I'm pretty sure tasking a person to convince me it's Ok to buy a house falls far out of a Home Organizer's job description.

There are big changes coming for my little family. Or my not so little family now.... Like. Big. Big. Changes. And I want to talk about them all. And I will... But not yet. You know how long it takes me to wrap my head around things.

And Ok, before you think I've been offered simultaneous publishing and movie deals... That is SO not what I'm talking about.

Big changes for me are like thinking about buying a car. Yes, the thinking part is a big change for me! :)

But there is so much going on right now, I can't even tread water. Oh, no. I'm drowning.

I don't do good with change anyway. Like. I am awful. I'm Irish after all. And I am so perfectly happy to do the same kind of thing for the rest of my darn life. But that's a selfish point of view. I have a family. A gorgeous, beautiful, wonderful family that deserves the best. And that's going to require me to pull my self up by the boot straps, put my big girl panties on and face life.

I really wanted to say "Suck it Up" just now, but it felt too cliche.... :) haha.

So anyway, going into this Spring, you might see some certifiable behavior from me, all whilst I try to write the first book in a brand new series, but know that I LOVE the chaos and so there's nothing to legitimately worry about.

I've always, always, always believed that I am a neat and orderly type of personality. I love making lists. Love it. And I love to organize!!! I really do, I find it very, very relaxing. Not to mention I have a brain that works like puzzles. Like, I'm good at puzzles, but that's not what I mean. I can see things, how they fit. Like, packing a car with all of our suitcases would be a dream afternoon for me because I'm really good at fitting things efficiently together.

But lately, I'm starting to recognize a more dominant side of my personality. The chaotic side. The side that thrives when things are all last minute, and there are deadlines to be met. The side that sees a row of motorcycles and has to shove my hands in my pockets to keep from knocking the end one over to see if they topple like dominoes. (That's a real thing, and because Zach knows me so well, he literally keeps an eye on me if we walk by something like that!)

Or the side that because we live in Nebraska, we are surrounded by farmland, for miles and miles. And if you've never seen a field after the snow, I mean it is a perfect blanket of pure white, and all I want to do is put my boots on and run through it. It actually bothers me that it has that glossy, perfection look to it. I want to mess it all up. Destroy it!

I'm a crazy person.

I realize this.

But I also need my base. I need to be grounded. And I'm worried about this Spring.

So worried I started researching Marriage Conferences ASAP. Not because I am worried the season will be so difficult, Zach and I will just crumble under the pressure.

Oh, no, it's something so much weirder than that. Trust me.

I LOVE conferences. I do. I just LOVE them. And they relax me. They energize me. Vacations completely wear me out. But listening to speakers for eight hours a day rejuvenates me?

Oh good lord. Sometimes I wonder if these thoughts are better left inside my head.


Just kidding. I couldn't stop them from falling out if I wanted to!!!

Anyway, A Weekend To Remember is coming to Omaha twice this spring. Twice! Well, once to Lincoln, but it's close enough that we could still go.

I got so excited. I got on my computer. Went to the website. Pulled out my credit card. And then I double checked Stella's competition schedule....

I'm not kidding you. We compete four times a year. Four. And two of them are on the marriage conference dates!!!!!!!!

Can you believe it???


Except, I'm so excited for Stella's competition this year, that I could even be mad about it. She has gotten so good. I mean, I don't know if she's like prodigy level or anything, but her improvement over last year is like mind-boggling to me. I'm so proud of her, I can barely keep myself from crying in rehearsals!! Don't even talk to me about what's going to happen at an actual competition this year.....

So anyway. I'll have to look around for different conferences. We haven't been to one in almost a year, and I just like to go to them. I really don't believe you can ever go through marriage completely prepared. It always helps to get some help along the way.

And it's kind of like therapy.

Which, I think we can all agree that I need therapy right now.... Yikes!

Other things in my life? I started Spring Bible Study and I love those women so much! It is such a fun time! Plus, a few hours with grownups and no kids??? Um, yes please! And they completely put up with my craziness and don't judge!

Stella had Kindergarten Round Up yesterday. That's a blog in itself, because I am SO not ready to let my little girl grow up.

Not to mention Scarlett will start preschool next year.... Oh my.

Hey maybe I'll start getting my books out on time next year.... There's a thought....

Birthday week is almost upon us. Anybody got any good ideas for a birthday party??? I'm out of them completely. And I don't want to spend a ton of money....

Also, I will be reaching 28 soon. And I might vomit. Get ready for the "I hate aging" Blog that is nearly upon us!

And there are a million other things in my life right now that I don't even know where to begin!!! This weekend is going to be craziness. From Dance to Bridal Showers to a Double Date and The Phantom Menace (Hello!! 3D!!! You honestly didn't think we would miss opening weekend?? Book deadline or no!! :)) to a Dance Meeting to a Birthday Party to a Preschool Valentine's Day Party that I am helping at!!!

Oh shoot. Which reminds me!!! I am the Snack Mom on Monday and I need a treat to feed 30 and it cannot be anything Cake/Cookie related AND I want to avoid peanuts just in case. Any thoughts???? I'm going out of my mind!!!! I wandered around Target for hours yesterday trying to come up with something and still... I got nothing!!!! (Ok, I wasn't completely thinking about the Preschool Snack the whole time... Does anybody else feel like Target might just be what heaven is like???)

Anyway. Hopefully my book will get out, I will breathe again and all will be right in my chaotic little world.... Until then. I'm just going to enjoy the Bananas that is the Higginson Household and pray my husband continues to like Adventure! :)


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  1. Oh dear.. sounds like your in crazy girl heaven... haha 28 congrats! i know the feeling all to well! I cant wait to read Endless! Good luck with all the recitals... p.s. your so not the only one that loves organizing.. except i dont like organizing my stuff, i couldn't do that to my stuff, anyone else's for sure, my own never! Have a wonderful weekend.

    ~ thank you for the amazing reads!~



  2. Wow! The first chapter is awesome. Can't wait for the rest of the book. As for all the. Craziness you have, things will work out fine. Relax girl!!! Everything will fall into place when you least expect it & then you'll wonder what all the fretting was for. Take care & you & your family have a happy day. Thank you so much for your amazing energy that gives your books so much pizzaz. Can't wait for Endless.

  3. I have a great birthday idea, I did this with my daughter and she LOVED it. We had Tea and cupcakes, there is a place near where I live that has hats and boas and all that kind of fun stuff and different kinds of teas and cupcakes. They use real china so it makes for such an awesome experience. My daughter is 15 and she had fun, younger girls or older girls (women :) ). Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us and especially your talent in writing as it is truly a gift from God and we are blessed that you give us a part of yourself when you write. I know you will enjoy the Bible study, that should give you some perspective and balance. Just spending some time with our Lord and Saviour is calming. When you start getting overwhelmed just remember you can always find peace in prayer and meditating on God. I grew up with Missionary parents and learned this lesson, I didn't always apply it when I should, but when it seemed I was at the end of my rope and life had just become so overwhelming that I need an escape because I just couldn't take anymore I knew I could turn to the Lord in prayer and Bible study. The peace that passes all understanding. :) I will certainly be praying for you that you find some calm in your very busy life. Isaiah 40:31

  4. Hi Rachel,
    As one procrastinator to another, I understand you completely. What helps me is to remind myself of my acomplishments and remember that I'm not the first procrastinator that has ever lived. So remind yourself that you have written 4 books, while being a wife and mother (a big WOW! from me). Ever heard of Douglas Adams or George R. R. Martin? The first had to be locked in a room with his editor for 3 weeks in order to finish "So long, and thanks for all the fish" and the latter published "A dance with dragons" 5 years after its predecessor.
    There will always be readers who won't be satisfied with Endless. I think that what really matters is that you are satisfied and feel that you have stayed true to yourself and your story.
    Congrats on finishing!

  5. First off, I love your writing, and I cannot wait for Endless! I have an idea for the snacks you need to provide. Have you heard of Cuties mandarin oranges? They are fresh, whole, tiny oranges that are easy to peel, so much less messy than regular oranges that you can eat them anywhere, and very sweet. My kids (daughter 14 and son 4) ususally do not like oranges at all, but they will eat Cuties. In fact, my son asks for them. You could bring a couple of bunches of small bananas and some granola bars, too, just in case some of the kids are unwilling to try the Cuties. I just wanted to tell you about these because I was so excited to get my kids to like eating fruit! Good luck in your endeavors, and I am so looking forward to Endless!
    - Desiree