Busy LIttle Bee

Ok. Business first. Blog second.

I have to say that because some people read my blogs only for information on the books. And my friends read the blog only for entertainment of my crazy life. :)

Also. Just an announcement. I'm trying to add a little color into my wardrobe.... Why? I have NO idea. I, personally, love black. I'm perfectly fine to just wear black. In fact, Johnny Cash, he might be my all-wearing-black hero! Still, there is this little voice inside my head that whispers to me, always trying to convince me that I NEED color in my closet! I'm not Gothic after all, and I have no intentions of terrifying children.... So in order to fit into society, I need to add more than a scarf-splash of color.

These are my internal debates.

Then I go shopping online. Why? Because I hate, nay, loathe going to the mall (Sorry M) just to be disappointed when I hate every single thing for sale.

And this little voice gets louder. And louder. And louder. Until I find myself purchasing brightly colored articles of clothing!

Do you know what happens when I buy colors other than black?

I end up looking like a Candy Striper. Please notice that says Striper, not Stripper. We would have a WHOLE different set of issues if I walked into Stella's Valentine's Day party looking like Candy the Stripper. Ok?

No, instead, I look like I just came off my volunteer shift at the hospital. Which, if I did, God bless me for that self-sacrifice. But I didn't....

I chose to dress like this because I thought it looked somehow fashionable.

Anyway, I'm not changing either. I've mentally, spiritually and ecumenically committed to this outfit, so get ready Dance Moms, I'm coming for you.

Didn't I say business first? Yikes.....

The cover is not ready today. Or so far today. But I sent my big guns in to have a conversation. You know the kind right? The conversation that goes, "Next time we meet you'll be talking to my baseball bat...?" kind of convo.

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, I would never, ever, ever do something like that. Second of all, if I even suggested it to Zach he might laugh in my face. :)

Me the tough guy? The girl who can't even stick up for herself to little kids? Ha!

Anyway, he did go talk to the Cover Art Designer and it is well on it's way and should be here very soon. I know you want to know what "soon" means. But even I don't know, so that's all you get. Lo Siento.

And I know we're all mad that the book isn't out yet. I get how hard it is to wait, especially because the book is already written! That is so frustrating!!!

But trust me when I say, nobody is as anxious as I am!!!! Even if we take away the fact that the more this book sits on my computer the more convinced I am that it is total and utter crap.... The more stressed out I get and the more I am sure all of this hype surrounding the release is building it up to an impossible standard of anticipation.... Disappointment is just around the river bend....

Yeah, let's take ALL that away because I just started hyperventilating....

Let's also take away the fact that, darn it, I want Eden to have some resolution in her life! The girl deserves it. I NEED to get this story out there. It's in my blood. It's consuming my thoughts. And once it's Live, I can let go of this story completely. Granted it might take some time and possibly some therapy, since Eden has shared brain space with me for the past three years.... But I'm ready to move on. And I think she is too. :)

Ok, let's take ALL that away. Let's take away your anxiety. And your frustration. And your excitement over the story.

And let's look at it from a monetary perspective. I'm losing money here. The longer this book sits in my To Publish Box instead of my Published Box, I lose money for the month.... Not to mention the fans I'm terrified of driving away who just get so fed up with me they throw me the finger and give up completely on Eden's complicated love life!

Plus. I get it. I'm a mom. A working mom. And I know what those weekends mean to you guys!!! I hate that the release looks like it will be during the work/school week now!!! I just hate it.

I am as desperate as you are. Trust me. And I apologize. Thank you for waiting. And for being gracious with me. For taking my side. And for sticking around!!!!

Still, I can't be made at my Cover Art Guy. It is art after all, and Creative people need time. And space. And the last thing I want him to do is to rush his creative process.

I am so happy and blessed with ALL of my covers so far, that I know he will do a fantastic job with this one. And I want/need to give him the space to make the best product possible.

And long after you have all read the last book, I still need a cover that can stand up against the millions of other books out there and seduce readers to buy.

That's right, I said, seduce.

And I can't release the book without the cover. I just can't do it. I don't feel good about it. And that's really what it comes down to. I can give you the arguments that talk about how much of a pain it is to update an Ebook, or that you'll never have the cover then.... But what is really stopping me is this gut feeling I have that assures me I need to wait for it.

And so that's what I'm going to do.

Plus, if we're going to be honest here, I am pretty sure Endless was doomed from the beginning to be the hardest book EVER to release. Good grief.

When I set the release date, I set it in January, because I assumed my husband, who works less hours in the winter, would be home the whole month of November and December and especially January so if I needed a last month push, he would get child-care-duty for several weeks.

Well, instead of our normal below-zero weather with weekends full of snow storms, we had an extremely mild winter with warm days and lots and lots of hours for my husband to put in at the office! Not to mention Christmas Break, when my mother is usually home to help out, instead spent time with my family in California.

So there was relatively no one helping me get my work done until after the kids were in bed every night. That is if I could stay away long enough to get a chapter in before collapsing on to my keyboard in a puddle of drool.

Also during this book, JUST this book, I lost a Dear and Loved Cousin, an Incredible Mentor for my Children and Friend, and A Beloved Uncle. (Although, he was a bit older and had a stroke a year earlier, so his death was not quite so traumatizing...)

Still. That is a LOT of grief for one winter. Too much grief. And I know everyone involved is still grieving. Including me.

Plus just the business of life. I have three little ones. Preschool. Dance. A house. Life is busy. I always feel like I'm pushing everything until the very last minute, that my last few weeks of writing before a book deadline are just chaos and hectic. I always tell people, I go into the Cave and don't emerge again until the book is for sale.

Part of that is because I'm a procrastinator by nature.

The other part is that my daily life, in this every day life I lead, there isn't time to write a book! There just isn't. And any of you with little kids know how crazy life gets.

I still have Christmas presents for goodness sakes! Last week, I handed out two birthday presents, one was for a birthday in October, and one was for a birthday in November!!!!

Days I thought would be spent writing, were spent with sick kids instead. Or nights I wanted to put my head down and focus were spent cleaning up toys and doing the dishes instead. Life, a lot, and lot of life got in the way of this book. Trust me when I say that it is a miracle I'm finished with it!! Let alone, just waiting on the Cover Art!

The biggest thing I've been able to take away from all this though.... Is how much people care!!!! Holy Smokes, I honestly never thought a single person would read my books, well, maybe except for my mom.... And I certainly, never. EVER. expected them to have fans.... Fans who actually care enough to message and write and wait on pins and needles for the final book!!!! Can I remind you that it was just last March I published Reckless!! Only a year ago! And literally I was selling like 5 copies a month. And that was EXCITING!!! I would call Zach every single time a book sold and practically scream at him through the phone!!! I SOLD ANOTHER ONE!!! And he would say in his very sarcastic manner, So how many is that now? Ten total??? And I'd be like, Oh my gosh! Yes!! Ten!!! Can you believe it!! In my very serious, completely optimistic way that I have. And then I made him read my first fan email at least 80 times. And I would literally call him at work when I started getting reviews on Amazon. Like actual good reviews and read him every single one, until he was like, Uh, Rachel, I get it.... :) That was just a year ago. And here we are today, with the final release of the series. A series, at one time, I never thought would get concluded!

So anyway. I just wanted to give you a little bit of perspective on the book and hope that it's worth the wait!!!!

Ok, on to my oh, so exciting life.

I feel like I need one of those ---- things I do in my books to separate different parts of the same chapter. Or an announcement, "May I have your attention please, for this portion of our tour we will now be headed into the Life Aspects of Rachel's life."

I also feel like I have a MILLION stories to tell. Like literally a bazillion. So much has happened in the last week. I don't even know where to start!

I guess I can start with Saturday...? I mean after the craziness that is my Saturday Morning of Dance, I rushed home, like literally raced home, dropped the kids off. Well, more like threw them inside the door and dashed back to the car for my round trip into Omaha for a Bridal Shower.

One of my dearest High School friends is getting married in August and my childhood best friend and I threw her a Bridal Shower.

And we did it our way.

So. That meant, around the kitchen table, with delicious food, cake for dessert and absolutely NO games!!!! Just lots and lots and lots and lots of talking. And even more laughing.

There were five out of eight of us high school girls. Two live out of town and one got sick with the flu and that's why they weren't there.

But it was the rest of us, with no kids, and wine, and lettuce wraps, and Reeses Pieces Cake. Sounds Yum, right????

It SO was! Usually, I'm in charge of cooking, but this time Beth took over and holy cow, was it delicious!

I did make the Reeses Pieces Cake and if you are lusting after it, because nothing beats peanut butter and chocolate together, then you can find the recipe on the Tasty Kitchen Blog. I can't even describe how amazing it is!

Probably, it tastes just like heaven.

You actually substitute the Oil for Peanut Butter! I mean, how genius is that????

Oh. I also made Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Dip over the weekend..... And oh yes, that tastes just as amazing as it sounds.

If you want to talk to me about my diet, you can do that.... Never. :)

I know, I know, I know, I'm a girl, and not even a skinny one, so I'm supposed to be obsessed with my weight and constantly dieting and worrying about my looks. But the truth is, I have a husband that thinks I'm super sexy, I have enough confidence to share and I really, really don't think God put us on His Great Green Earth to eat cardboard and diet food.

That being said, everything in moderation.

Just Sometimes that means Dessert First, just to make sure you have enough room for it. :)

Anyway. The Bridal Shower was SO fun. I just love those girls. They are that very unique kind of friend that we spend our hours together in complete honesty! They are so not afraid to call you out for something in your teethe, or an exaggeration, of which I have many being the story teller that I am.... :) or tell you when you are making every wrong decision known to man! Yeah, maybe we can get over-involved in each others lives... But have you ever gone an entire night with some piece of black thing in your teeth and everyone's too embarrassed to tell you about it!?!?

Plus. We laugh until we cry.

Until we are just bones.

And that's all I ask for in my friends.

Oh, but I forgot to tell you the craziest part of my weekend! Whilst all of this is going on, my mother is in the hospital!!!!

She was admitted late Friday night for Vertigo! Which is something she's been struggling with for a few weeks, but it's finally gotten so bad she can barely function.

Now. If you are laughing like I did when she first told me she had Vertigo, I should inform you that it is a real disease! She really suffers.

I laughed, because I felt like it's the cartoon version of diseases. Like, nobody actually gets Vertigo. It's just some Alfred Hitchcock Movie or something....

I think anyway. I don't watch scary movies, so I'm not exactly an expert.

But apparently it's real. And my poor mother has it. And she's not getting better! :( So if you think about her, please pray. She definitely needs it!!!

So after the Shower, I rushed(Because I am ALWAYS rushing) over to the hospital and up to visit her.

Now. I know a lot of people talk about how much they HATE hospitals. And all that. But. Here's the truth about me. I LOVE THEM.

It's true.

I basically grew up in one between my Uncle John, My dad, My brother, I should say brothers.... and every other traumatic event in my life. I find them peaceful.

And they don't remind me of death at all! Even if my dad died in one.... They remind me of care, and people helping others, of babies being born, and quiet.

Wednesday morning, I was super stressed out because that was the day I was supposed to have my book out. I mean, I had a lot of work to do and had my day planned down to the minute with work.

Then my mom called at 6AM needing someone to take her to the hospital (Where her doctor's office is at.). Of course I dropped everything for Mom and her Vertigo. And dropped Stella off at preschool in order to care for my mama.

Well, during her appointment, I spent the morning with a coffee in one hand, my Bible Study Book in the other and the quiet peacefulness of a hospital.

It was wonderful. And exactly what I needed for that day.

So visiting my mom on Saturday was essential. But I got to enjoy it. And walk through the halls where the only music that is played is when a baby is born, and smile at the nurses who sacrifice SO much, and breathe in that dry, hospitally smell that is so nostalgic for me.

It's weird. I know. But it's the truth. I love hospitals.

Well, after I checked up on mom and sat through a doctor's visit just to make sure she was all right, I rushed back home to Zach who was a bit frazzled at my day long absence and immediately started feeding the kidlets dinner. Because....!!! Saturday night I planned a date for us!!!

And not just any date. A double date. Dinner and the Phantom Menace 3D.

I'm amazing. I know.

Actually, I NEVER, EVER plan dates. This has been the topic of MANY discussions in my house! Zach always plans them. Always thinks about them. And even if I'm always the one to nail down the babysitter, he is always the one informing me of why we need one.

I just never, um, think about them? Actually, I have a terrible issue with foresight in general.... So. Sure, Friday night at 7 o'clock, I start thinking, man, I so should have planned something for Zach and me. But usually by then it's too late.

I was very proud of myself for pulling this date together. Especially since Zach is a HUGE Star Wars nerd. Although the first one, is his least favorite.

We had an amazing time. The couple we went with are just as big of nerds as we are. I always tell them that they're Geek Language is accepted with us.

Zach and AJ talk for hours, literally, hours about Star Wars and Video Games and Soccer.... And I don't know, everything and anything NERD.


And Kristen and I just laugh at them.

The only issue I had with our date night, was the movie. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I mean.... what I saw of it. But geesh, it didn't start until 10:30 and apparently I'm a senior citizen because once those lights were down, I barely made it past the previews before I nodded off! I tried to wake up in action parts and exciting scenes, but I was utterly exhausted and I just couldn't do it.

So. That lovely $12 was splurged for a nap.....


Sunday was just as busy, ending with an all important Dance Meeting. And now here we are. Monday afternoon, and my house is a disaster, laundry is out of control, the book still isn't published and I have NO idea what we're having for dinner.


I want soup. I'm freezing. Maybe I'll make soup....

I still have the dishes to do and dance to conquer, so I should probably end this million page blog and get to work....

And I should most definitely ignore my couch, my warm blanket, the hot chocolate begging to be enjoyed and my kindle calling my name....

I mean, I have a To Do list that needs work. I should so leave my kindle until it's finished....


We'll see!!!


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  1. I love your blog, and have been following it for awhile. I think you are the only author who's blog I really enjoy. You are a delightful person that helps me feel less frazzled, and it is good to know that others out there are crazy like me. Your book does need its cover. So hold out--this is your baby after all. I am SUPER excited to read it.

  2. No worries, I'd never leave this series, it's just too amazing and though I'd love to get my hands on "Endless" and ignore all other important things like college and my little nephew who I babysit and adore, I'm willing to wait because the best things in life come from waiting. And don't panic, all of us loyal fans will stick by your side no matter what and whatever becomes of Eden will surly be satisfing, I mean you know her better than all of us...anyways I love your blog, your personailty and posts brighten my sometimes gray days, so THANK YOU!

  3. just wanted to say how fab the books are. I downloaded the first one because it was free last week. Since then I have read all 3 and cant wait for the last one. Though atlease this lul gives me a chance to get the house back in order and some food in the cupboard even the kids are sick of take aways. But this has been my little indulgance at 41 it is the first time I sat and read something and been totaly hooked. Keep up the good work I love the chance to escape to the fantacy world you create even if it does mean neglecting the chores. Thank you very much

  4. Wow what can i say. You're doing it all !!! And i complain when my life gets out out of control.Love your blog but am staying away from chapters 1 and 2 and patiently waiting for the full book to come out. And of course, Thanks