Well, let's start by getting something really important right out there in the open!

If this book gets out this month, it will be a miracle from God. A straight-up, of-Biblical-proportions, turning-water-into-wine Miracle.

Just so we're all clear. In fact, lately my prayers have been sounding something like this, "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far- Far, far away."

Oh, wait.

Wrong Prayer.

Ahem, something like this, "Dear God, thank you giving me the ability to write, but You know as well as I do, that I don't exactly have time to use that gift right now, so if maybe YOU could do some of the writing while I'm off... I don't know.... doing other things, that would be so fantastic. Lots of love, Rachel."

JK.

I don't really pray like that.

I am so much crazier.

But I just keep thinking, I just need a few solid days. That's all I need. Just a few solid days.

And then weeks like this one happen. Where we start with the hub's birthday, add a death of a dear and wonderful person, throw in the first birthday of my first born son, a funeral, a day like today on the aftermath of that heart-wrenching funeral and my cousin who just passed away birthday, then we round out the week with family coming into town this weekend and a huge, big old family birthday part for Zach, Stryker and my brother's serious girlfriend, although don't you dare insinuate that they are getting married soon because it will so irrationally piss him off you stand there with your head shaking, Maggie.

I've already cried three times today. And only one of those times was because of stress. Today is rough. I'm not going to lie.

Yesterday was this mixture of excitement because, whew, we made it to Stryker's first year. I always feel like I can relax just a little bit after they turn one. Not a whole lot, but just enough. And sadness because my little baby boy isn't a baby anymore. And crazy busy. My day just seemed to evaporate yesterday. I literally did not stop moving from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. Which, I was able to help a friend and I am SO happy to have gotten to do that, but it just made the day fly by. And then true tragedy as I took Stella to Joey's funeral and oh Lord, that was emotional. And then I came home to Strykers birthday cake and presents. That my friends, is the definition of an Emotional Roller-coaster.

First of all, boys are different than girls.

If you didn't know.

My girls had their first cake and I'm not joking you, used one finger to test the icing and taste it carefully. Stella didn't get messy until Zach took her hands and shoved them into her cake. Stryker did not have one moments hesitation before both hands dove into the icing and suddenly he was covered in green frosting from head to toe. Not even kidding. I mean there was frosting in his diaper!! How does that happen????

And then we opened presents. So, we didn't get him a lot last night because we are having another birthday party on Sunday and also, he's one. I mean, he doesn't need anything. He just doesn't.

So there was a set of Star Wars pajamas that I'm pretty sure Zach was jealous of, so if anyone knows of adult size fleece Star Wars pajama sets, if you could just send me the website, that would be fantastic! Thanks in advance. :) Oh, wait nobody else is as big of a geek as Zach is?

Shoot.

Oh, well.

And then, Zach got him this like (Child-safe) Millenium Falcon play thing and all these little guys to play with. And he bought it the other day, when we realized I hadn't bought him anything and would have absolutely NO time to shop for him, and Zach said I don't know if he'll play with it now, he's probably too young. And I agreed, but it's so cute, and so fun that of course we were still going to give it to him.

And let me remind you that when Stella turned one, she was terrified of ALL of her presents. She wouldn't play with a single thing. And I, unfortunately... can't for the life of me remember Scarlett's first birthday.... Except that I was doing this weird job where I supervised visitations for a dad who was working for partial custody of his child after he abused the mom from my home and we had this birthday dinner, but I think it was technically on Stella's birthday. It was just very, very awkward. That's why I remember.

Anyway.

So Stryker gets his presents and after fifteen minutes of just banging the wrapped presents together while we died laughing at how excited he was, the girls finally help him open them. I cannot even tell you how happy he was to get these little Star Wars figurines.

After Zach opened everything, he played with them straight for an hour and a half. He didn't even go to bed until almost ten because he wouldn't nurse. He just wanted to play and I would try to put him down and he would wiggle off my lap to go play.

If the girls would try to play with him, he would scream at them!! Oh, my gosh it was the sweetest thing. Although, he has this kind of obsession with Darth Vader and we're obviously a little concerned.... :)

Anyway, so yesterday turned into this emotional roller coaster of some of the best things in life and some of the worst.

Although, I do want to be clear, that Joey's funeral was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. And there were SO many people there to celebrate his life. The pastor did an amazing job. The music was perfect. One of my dance mom's spoke and she said exactly everything that needed to be said. But we weren't ready to lose Joey. And that's what makes it hard.

I did Ok, until the end. And all of the Synergy girls kind of converged up front and they just broke down into these hysterical sobs. Ages anywhere from 4-18 just weeped for him.

I couldn't even be in the room. It was too heartbreaking. Too devastating.

And now today, as I think about both Joey and my cousin Bobbi Jo, I'm predicting another emotional forecast. Oy. Good thing I need to clean..... Writing might be dangerous in my current state.

Anyway. Off to cleaning I go. And I better go fast before my house becomes the only North American habitat to contract the plague....