Well, I'm here this morning.

That is 100% more than I thought I would be around 4AM last night.... But here I am. Coffee conquers all.

Coffee and a husband who let me sleep in until 8 this morning!!! Because I was up half the night...

No, not half the night.

I was up three/fourths the night with kidlets. All three of them. All at different times. And all for different reasons.

Truthfully, I'm not even sure why Stryker got up at 4 this morning. And under normal circumstances I would have just let him cry through whatever the issue was but by that time I expected him to have a fever and just vomitted all over the inside of his crib. Which I guess he was just hungry, so now I've probably started this terrible habit that I'll have to spend the rest of the week breaking!

Oh, kids.

And the other two didn't vomit. Stella had a nightmare and Scarlett had a fever but no vomiting. Thank the Lord. And she seems to be fine today....

Stella took a while for me to calm down and convince her to go back into her bed so when Scarlett came along and was burning up I was too disoriented to be a responsible mother.

I should have gotten my booty out of bed, tracked down the ibuprofen and sent her back to her own like I did Stella.

What I actually did, was just pull her into bed with me and cuddle her. Because that's what she wanted. And she hasn't had a fever since she was an itty bitty baby.

Body heat is not necessarily the best thing for a fever....

So when Stryker woke up at 4, I gave Zach these instructions: I need you to go get Stryker, bring him to me, then take Scarlett to the couch where she can sleep near you but not on you and give her some medicine.

He goes, "Ok.... but why didn't you do that?"

Definitely a valid question. So I answered. "Because I'm the mom, and I know best." Which is my normal answer when really don't question me!!! :)

So today, we are playing my favorite game, "Just try and keep it together." But thankfully we have absolutely nothing going on except waiting on Zach's birthday packages to arrive in the mail and then listen to the fedex guys tell me how hard it is to find my place. I desperately need to reply to some emails, order the last of my Christmas presents and write the end of this book. Sounds like a doable to do list whilst I desperately try to keep myself from falling asleep at the computer?

No. I didn't think so either, but I just wanted to make sure we are all on the same page!

No way. I got this in the bag.

Last night, Zach had his brother and friend over to play Warcraft 3. I don't have any idea what that is or how they play it. All I know about it, is that one of them brings over a bottle of whiskey, they sit around for two hours setting it up on their computers and talking about it and then somewhere in the early morning hours Zach stumbles to bed. Oh and they all need a computer to play.

I don't get. I don't want to get it. I just know I can't write on those nights..... :) JK, I'm not that upset about it.

Plus, I got to rent a movie last night that I have been wanting to see, but didn't have the spare time to watch it.

So with Zach occupying the computer. I rented I Don't Know How She Does It.

Ok, I've loved Sarah Jessica Parker as long as anyone. And Greg Kinear? Really. Perfection. Pierce is looking a little aged... but like fine wine. And what's the girl, the red head that's on Madmen. I totally have a girl crush on her. So overall I loved the movie.

Loved it.

Ok, it got a little boring. But I'm the kind of girl that prefers action adventure over chick flicks any day. And I need angst in my love stories. Breaking marriages actually just make me weep. Uncontrollably....

So that's kind of what the movie was like for me. Some crying. Some laughing. Some.... Ok.... a LOT of totally relating.

It's about working mothers, but I think all women can relate to worrying about making the best decisions for your family. You can be a stay at home mom and still have all those same doubts and fears and lists. Also. You can still miss your child's first haircut or their first of whatever it is. There is just no way to be there for every single part of their life. And there is absolutely no getting around the regret and guilt when you miss something.

I am for sure a stay at home mom. I mean, it has to be obvious from my lack of make=up five days a week and the constant closet of revolving bad sweats. I am so blessed to be there for the kidlets. Drive them to school, to dance, make them lunch, kiss their boo boos.

But that doesn't mean I don't work. In fact, I know maybe one stay at home mom who really just stays at home. No, you know what I don't even know if I can say that.... Because I count school as a working commitment.

Every mom I know works somehow. In some way. My friend Lindsay stays at home. And runs a daycare from her house. Talk about busy!!! Seriously.

She's the best child care provider I know, or have ever heard of too. She also teaches dance. She is just as busy as any working mom. If not more, since her weekends and evenings are occupied too. And she never, ever gets a break from kids. Ever.

Just talking about her makes me want to take her for lunch and a pedicure!! :)

If we could ever find a sitter for both of us at the same time!!!

Did I forget to tell you she has Four under Four??? She's a rockstar.

Yet she still comes with the Stay-at-Home-Mom stigma.

I nannied for a stay at home mom. Yep nannied for her. And they were really well off. Her husband has a very important job. But still, she worked. She ran her own consulting business part-time. Which really meant 3/4th's time. Just like full time really means 60-80 hours, not 40.

She really inspired me. I loved working for her. She is an amazing woman. And since I started out with intense goals for a career, she was a perfect mentor when plans changed after I had Stella. She showed me how to balance work and home.

Because now, I guess we can call writing work. It most of the time doesn't feel like work. Which for me is the perfect job. Right? This is my dream, this is everything I want out of life. And I get to write and make money. But Lord knows I would do it anyway.

I did do it anyway. Long before there was a paycheck attached. Only then, and this is only a few months ago mind you, I was just the weird friend that had this bizarre, kind of pathetic hobby.

Well. That's my perception of it anyway. :)

So anyway, I'm not sure what my point is.... Just that it's tough to be a mom no matter what you do or how you do it. We juggle a thousand different plates, all full to the brim of commitment and responsibility. And there is SUCH a different perception of women vs. men.

Ugh. Over the weekend I spent time with one of the most chauvanistic guys I know. Seriously, sometimes I cannot even stand to be in the same room as him because of his view of women and their place in the home. Good grief.

And don't think I'm this huge feminist. Actually, I think I can be really harsh and very sexist against our own gender. For example, last night in the movie, I just kept thinking Sarah Jessica Parker what are you wearing??? What is with the neck-high collar. For goodness sakes let the ladies breathe a little, they're suffocating behind all those buttons!!!!! I have this thing about woman being able to look feminine and still excel in the work place. But it's a little naive I think since I've never actually worked in an office building and personally dress like a hippy... Still a pencil skirt and Louboutins are so much nicer to look at than a woman's suit. And don't even get me started on the maternity suits I had to fit those poor pregnant ladies in when I had that job. Oh, good grief.

Anyway, I do believe a woman is capable of accomplishing almost anything a man can. Most of the time, obviously sometimes there are physical restrictions, such as size. Like crab-fishing. But I still believe each of us plays a very specific role in the home too. And I don't try to press my ideas on anyone else, they're mine. This marriage between feminism and 1950's house-wife works for my family and it works for us and probably doesn't make sense to a whole lot of other people.

I definitely don't mind slaving away in the kitchen to provide nice, healthy meals to my family or fun, delicious snacks for my husband and his friends. I don't even mind doing the dishes. Or cleaning the house once I get into it. I don't mind packing Zach's lunch or going to the grocery store (Even if I complain about it.) and I certainly don't mind submitting to his authority.

Laundry is a completely different story however.....

What I do mind is being reminded of my supposed role by another man. One that is not my husband. And one who drives me crazy.

All that to say, the movie ended with a quote and I just loved it. "Stop trying to be a man, it's a waste of a perfectly good woman."

So true. We juggle. We wear different hats. We know how to conquer the kitchen, the workplace and the bedroom with a pull of our pony tail holder and we do it all without batting an eye.

Ok. Batting our eye lashes comes with the territory, but you get my idea.

Enough blogging now. It's time to get to that work I keep referencing but have yet to touch this morning....