The Title of this blog is pretty much a current event.

Referring to me.

To be kind, we can just say that this morning is not pretty.

And by that. I mean, we are officially classifying today as an Ugly Day. An Ugly Day of Zombie-Apocalypse proportions. And I'm the human-flesh-eating-zombie.

A You-Ain't-Got-No-Alibi kind of Ugly Day.

Yep. It's bad.

If we're being completely honest. I need a shower. And that might be the understatement of the century.

But it's more than that. Oh. So. Much. More.

My whole face is swollen!!! Like, I got stung by a bee. And then tasered. In the face kind of swollen.

IN THE FAAAACE!!!! (The Hangover anyone?)

Every once in a while my lips will swell overnight. And I kind of love it. Because it's like natural botox and I have always, always, wanted fuller lips. But then eventually, the swelling goes back down and my lips return to their boring old selves.

But today. It's not just my lips. It's my whole stinking face.

And I blame it on work. Oh, that's right. It's completely stress related. Work-Stress-Related.

You know, the maternity store where I'm only supposed to have maybe one customer a night. And get to write the majority of the time.

Um. That didn't happen last night.

I was so busy, I actually learned how to do my job. Yeah. I know. It was kind of irritating!!! :) Just kidding.

But seriously. I was swamped. And not just through the night. But like right at the end of the night, when it was time to close.

We close at nine. I didn't leave the store until almost eleven!!!!

And to be honest, I'm not the fastest at closing, because I still struggle to remember what I'm doing all of the time. But the last time I closed by myself I left at like 9:15. Not two hours after close.

Here's the good news. And this is kind of a big deal, even though we don't work on commission. I had a $2300 sale! What?? I know! Boom.

I was pretty excited. Especially because this girl like wanted my help. She had me pull all the outfits for her and tell her what I thought looked best and then her mother-in-law footed the bill. And they listened to me like I was speaking divine inspiration.

All of my nursing info (Which, ok, I am kind of a Sensei in that department..) and what looked good on pregnant girls, and how she'll grow and what pieces are absolutely essential.

It was fun.

Most pregnant girls don't want my help. They are tired, and already irritated at the clothes before they even try them on. And now matter how many times I tell them that Horizontal Stripes are the most flattering look for a belly bump, they don't want to hear it.

So she was fun.

And a semi-celebrity around here. Like, I recognized her. And you would only know her if you ran in certain circles I suppose.... But I was actually sworn to secrecy because she hadn't told her boss yet! How fun is that????

Lol.

But still. I'm Dying to tell somebody. :)

Anyways. I better move on before I accidentally spill the beans.

I was so proud of that sale. I couldn't wait to make the nightly district manager call at the end of the night. I mean. When I got there we were only at 69% to goal. And when I left we were at 404%!! That's a big deal for a newbie. Except that really, the associates have no control over who comes into the store. I mean, it is what it is.

It doesn't matter anyways, because I totally forgot to call!!! It's like mandatory. You have to call at the end of the night. And I didn't.

And it isn't the first time I've forgotten something kind of major. I forgot to clock out one night.

And then on Tuesday. I forgot to clock in!!

Bethany, my manager and one of my best friends has had to call our DM so many times and be like, um Rachel forgot this again. Can you please fix it???

I blame motherhood and three pregnancies.

And Diet Coke.

Mostly Diet Coke, which I do not even drink anymore!

But I can't keep anything straight. I actually applied at Starbucks a while back, we obviously needed this part time job, but also Starbucks has AMAZING benefits for part time employees. Like A-Mazing!

But I didn't get the job. And I was like, what??? I have a college degree!! I actually qualified for their corporate openings and they wouldn't hire me as a barista????

Here's the thing... I'm not qualified for that job. I would be the worst barista ever. EVER!! I would never be able to keep the orders straight in my head and I would surely forget the most important part of their order, like soy milk for the lactose intolerant or no hazelnut for the peanut allergy.... And then on top of that, I would never be able to understand all the abbreviations.

You want a half-calf, wait what? What does that even mean?

I always just figured that those could be learned skills. That once I got into the job, that I would figure it out. I'm pretty smart, at least in school, surely I would be able to conquer Starbucks.

But Now. I'm convinced I would have gotten fired first. They could see right through my higher education and understand there would be a LOT of angry customers should they let me be in charge of the morning brew....

Also. I'm klutzy.

Between writing the last two sentences and this one, I spilled my own coffee all over this desk. Yep. That's right. And a true story. AND a current event! Which then put me in panic mode to save my precious computer and frustrated mode while I watched the coffee drip onto the floor.

It's ok to drop shirts. You can pick them up again and they remain generally unharmed.

It's not ok to drop Venti-Size-Lattes over and over and over and over again. So thank you Starbucks. You really saved me a headache there....

Well. I'm back to work tonight. Hopefully, tonight will be more relaxed. It is the Friday before Halloween, SURELY most preggo girls are off to Halloween parties dressed as Nuns or with painted stomachs looking like pumpkins.

Um, did anyone need confirmation for yesterdays blog??? Because, things have obviously not changed in my life since then....