So. I promise not to go bananas on you today.

I solemnly swear.

Here's what. I should so NOT read the news first thing in the morning. Oh. My...

It always puts me in a bad mood anyways, and when I've already started the morning on the wrong side of the bed, it definitely pushes me over the edge.

For sure.

So. This morning. I am completely uninformed. I have no idea what is going on in the world. And it's safe to say that I am completely happy with that.

Also, Scarlett has been the cutest thing today. Possibly the cutest thing ever created.

In the car on the way to school today Stella was very afraid today. She's going through something. And I'm not sure how to deal with it. And it makes me feel like a terrible parent.

She is terrified of school.

And dance.

And she doesn't want to do any of it.

So, I was talking her through school this morning, because she was in tears and I was close to them too and frustrated not understanding how to communicate with this stubborn, bashful child when Scarlett piped up from the middle of my back seat.

She said in her very sweet, but stern voice, "Stella, I like you, but you have to go to school. You just do."

Oh my word, I died laughing.

It didn't help Stella at all. But I'm hoping I won't have the same problems with Scarlett.

Who am I kidding? I won't have any of these problems with Scarlett.

They will be a whole new set. Like calls from the Office telling me to come pick up my child who gathered all of the children, started a rebellion and burned all of the textbooks in a giant bonfire of freedom.

I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Meanwhile, I'll still have to pretend to be a grown up and deal with all of the Parent Activities for Stella.

Like, last night. I had to go to Parent's Connect at the school. Most of the Preschool parents were there and we had a meeting and then the opportunity to meet the other parents.

Well. You say Opportunity. I say Awful Social Function in which I get a nervous tick and start sweating profusely.

Tomatoes.

Tom-ah-toes.

Let's call the whole thing off.

Anyways, as much as I believe in Christian Education and as adamant as I am that my children WILL go to OCA....

Or home-school....

I get like this nervous sickness every time I have to go there.

I just know too many people.

And already I have this clinically diagnosable Peter Pan Complex, taking me child to school makes it so, so, so, so much worse.

Especially at OCA where the teachers that taught me, are STILL the teachers that will teach my children.

Which is part of the appeal.

Ok. Most of the appeal.

Anyways, being a parent is one of those very bizarre events in which it can happen at almost any time during your adult life.

Obviously, Zach and I jumped on the Baby Train super young. And way ahead of schedule. Well, our schedule.... Little Miss Stella was that terrifying accident happy surprise.

And then Scarlett was too....

And then Stryker.

Ok, Stryker took a little more planning.

Anyways, Zach and I were thrust into parenthood with decades ahead of us to still bear children.

I shouldn't use the "We" there, Zach literally has his entire life left to produce kids and I'm down to like fifteen years.

Which is still a lot of time.

Anyways, my point is, those responsible parents that actually planned for their family and stuck to that plan are what makes up the majority of preschool parents.

So that means, that when I drop Stella off at preschool, I am dropping her off with the firstborn son of my high school volleyball coach.

And let me just tell you, that is a weird surreal feeling.

She's no longer Coach, or Mrs. Whatever.

Oh no, she's a first name basis who's child plays with mine.

I still cringe when I see her car pull up, regretting my low cut shirt and making sure my skirt is knee length.

No, it's not that bad.

But it is a little bizarre.

Then, we are at the parent meeting and one of my childhood best friends, Leslie, her oldest sister was there with her first child in preschool.

So, when I was in eighth grade with Leslie, her sister was already graduated from college and married.

And now we have children together in school.

I want to feel like a real adult. I do. But it's hard when you stack me up against people who have been and acted like an adult much longer than I have!

And do you know what the weirdest thing is??

I have the most number of kids.

What?

I know.

I've never really felt like Zach and I were jumping the gun with the number of kids before. First of all, I'm a pattern and sequence kind of girl and so two years exactly apart felt natural for me. I wanted my kids to grow up together.

Plus, Lindsay has four girls, four and under, and so to me that is like the norm.

She is even younger than me.

And a better parent...

But that's besides the point.

:)

Plus Kimbra is on her third child and I know most of my friends want big families.

Like four children kind of families.

So when I get into an environment when people raise their eyebrows at the number of children I have and then gasp when I say I'm a stay at home mom, I don't know how to act.

Ok, I never really know how to act...

And most of the time when I say that I stay at home, I hear, Oh my gosh I am so jealous, you are so lucky and what a blessing, you are truly blessed!

And it's true, all of those things are true.

But most of the time, I want to tell them that it's sacrifice. I stay at home, but not without sacrifice.

Lots and lots and lots of sacrifice.

And if I had any marketable skills, I might be in the work force as well. But as it turns out nobody pays you to be a Bleeding Heart.

And also, it's way harder to live your dream than it should be. Like, oh so much harder.

In fact, here's a piece of advice, and this is free, so don't worry, there will be no charge.

If you have a dream. Bury it. Dig deep and lock that sucker up and never, ever, ever pursue it.

Don't think about it. Don't think about the what if. And certainly don't hate what you're doing now because you're dream will be better.

It's so not better. It's actually pretty miserable. And discouraging.

Yes, there are bright moments and an amazing feeling of satisfied fulfillment.

But mostly it's just hard work.

Anyways, I'm all over the place. But at least I wasn't self-righteous and political this morning.

So.... There's that....