When I come in to Your Kingdom.

I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger.

I never knew the lovin' of a man.

But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand.

Ok. I'll stop.

At this point I don't even know if I still like the song. It's just ALWAYS in my head.

And I mean Always.

No.

I love it.

Yes, I do.

Sorry. It has such beautiful words, and I don't know, after you lose someone you really love, like couldn't have ever imagined living without before they passed, I feel like you realize that every life is cut short. Not just the young ones, although they are particularly difficult. But, I don't know if it ever feels like you've spent Enough time with them.

Although, to die and enter the other side of this life in Glory has to be The Greatest Joy.

The other day, I took the girls to the Splash Park and it was just me and them. I don't really like to go to parks and such by myself, I mean without another mom there to buffer the random mom that always, always asks for my phone number so our stranger children can set up a play date.... But it was a last minute decision after Thursday morning Bible Study and so I was alone.

Oh and by the way, sure enough some crazy woman offers to give me her number and then at the very last second changes her mind and gets mine.

More on that later.

But anyways. At the park, there were the groups of moms on their own play dates. And since I had nothing but the weekly ads to keep me company I had the... opportunity... to eaves drop.

Let me tell you. Moms say crazy things. We do. And I say we, because I know that I am guilty. But Lord help me should my conversations be over heard if they turn out like these women's....

I shouldn't judge. Should I?

And all of those who have held conversations with me are shaking their heads vigorously.

Ok.

So, they eventually start talking about this baby. Ugh. It makes me sick to even relay the conversation. One of the moms had a good friend whose brother had just lost his little five month old baby.

How sad is that????

Plus, am I the creeper sitting in the corner or what!?!? They were talking loud I swear....

Anyways, the little baby was at daycare. Like an In-Home daycare and was sleeping on the master bed and had been checked on twice, but the third time he was dead. He had thrown up and then choked on it.

Can you imagine losing your child like that???

Or can you imagine losing someone elses child like that....?

I can't. I was like near tears listening to these women talk about it. It makes me sick.

And to have to tell the parent's of the child what happened. Or their siblings that you were watching.

It was on the news here in Omaha, if anyone saw it.

I guess, from what these ladies said, that night the daycare provider tried to take her life and was then committed.

What a tragic situation.

My dad was 63 years old when he died and to this day I still can't talk about him without crying. As evidenced by my Thursday morning Bible study when for the very first time in my entire life I broke down in public in front of people I don't know.

Oh geez. I'm not that fragile, vulnerable, emotional girl that my blog makes me out to be.

I hate public displays of emotion.

I didn't even cry at the funeral.

At least when people could see me.

What has happened to me?

Ok, and maybe there were like three tears, it wasn't the ugly cry I'm making it out to be. But still. That is just not me.

Anyways, my point is, my dad died almost six years ago and I was a grown person. And he was a grown man, ready to meet Jesus.

I can't even think about losing a child to such unfortunate circumstances.

Or any circumstances for that matter.

Like, literally, I can't even wrap my head around the idea, my mind is not even capable of forming cognitive thought trains headed that direction.

Yikes, that's what I get for listening to country music....

Geesh. Sorry to take you for a ride on the depressing this morning!

Anyways. Lets move on to another type of crazy. Well, there is this one particular subject I would like to vent about. But I can't.

I know I can't.

It would get me into serious trouble.

So. I just need to say this.

The majority of people on this planet are Douche-bags.

Ok, I feel so much better after getting that off of my chest.

Whew.

And it might not be entirely accurate, but then I think what happens is that the Douche-bags that are out there feel it necessary to come into my life and piss on it.

Calling all Douche-bags, calling all Douche-bags, I am happy. I love my husband, I have the greatest kids in the world and I am loving this little live we have made together so stay out of my way and stop sending your dark rain clouds of douche-y-ness and giving me much unnecessary stress.

I think I'm on my way to Hives again. Sorry, Miriah. HivEs.

Thank you.

Very much.

Gosh, Zach and I have had a rough year. I mean, as far as dealing with the worst people on the planet.

I'm ready for some sunshine.

And it might just start with my new BFF from the Splash Park.

So what if I don't even know her name. Or am now a chronic phone call screen-er because I'm terrified it will be her on the other end. (Like I wasn't before...)

I can see a bright future ahead of us. Me and her.

We talked for, oh a total of like three minutes but she made sure to get my number before she left.

And she tricked me.

She said, "Hey, I would love to give you my phone number so we can set up a play date soon!"

And I said, probably a little over-enthusiastically now that I think about it.... "I would TOTALLY love to get your number!"

And I whipped out my pen to jot it down on the back of my ads.

First you should know, if I ever use Totally in a sentence with you.... I don't want to do it. I'm lying. Being fake. Tricking you. Just saying what I think you want to hear.

I hate that I do it too. But, it's been my tell for ever since I can remember.

I'm like half Valley Girl and it's a word that just slips in without my permission alerting me that I do NOT want to do whatever I am seemingly agreeing to at that moment.

Anyways. So I am poised to write down her number, I even have the whole area code written down and everything.

Well. She gets distracted by one of her kids.

And when she comes back she has her phone in hand and says, "You know what, it will just be easier if I take your number, go ahead."

I literally stared at her for longer than was appropriate trying to figure out what to do.

A fake number crossed my mind.

Multiple times.

But in the end I gave in and handed her the digits.

UGH.

And here's the thing. The last two weeks have been serious exercises in my ability to stand up for myself.

And I have made some serious progress. Even though I've hated every minute of it.... But you would think at least some of that training would cross over to strangers at the park.

When I told Zach the story he was all, "Rachel, seriously? You don't know her! That whole don't talk to strangers thing still applies when you're an adult."

I'm like, Um, yes it does!

So next time, I've just decided to explain that to the other mom. "Um, thanks for the offer, but in this day and age you can never be too careful, I don't care if your husband is a pastor, this is the time in my life when I don't trust Christians either, it's actually a sign of the impending Apocalypse, so if you could just move along and find another naive woman to befriend, steal their identity and then murder quietly, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much!"

How do you think it will go over?

Awesome?

Me too.

Anyways, if you think about me this week, pray for me.

I need it.

And then.

Send me away with the words of a love song.