Monday A Day Late

Today is our Monday.

Because yesterday we had to be up and out the door for Stella's preschool. So Today we are treating it like I usually treat Mondays.

That means Pajamas. Video Games. And three or four cups of coffee. 

And its kind of heaven.

The last two days have been very reflective for me and I need today to just decompress.

Do you ever have those days? When its like, ok, I have absorbed way more information than normal and my brain is on overload.

I need to stop. And sort through it all.

Sunday Zach and I went to a three hour marriage seminar. It was free at my church, so the instant I saw it in the church bulletin I had us signed up.

Zach didn't even complain about this one. He was all for it. Well, until the day of and then it seemed unnecessary and a huge interruption to his relaxed day of rest. But he went anyways. Because he loves me. And probably thought that meant he would get lucky later.

They provided childcare for two of the the three and the little guy slept through the whole thing so I couldn't even complain about him.

Marriage Seminars are kind of my thing. I love them. Well, truthfully I love any lecture situation, but Marriage Seminars have to be among the most fave.

And I know what people think when we go to these things: Oh my, there must be something wrong with their marriage....

Especially since I make us go to as many of them as I can find for free.

If it was in the budget this year I totally would have dragged Zach along to A Weekend To Remember too, but it wasn't. And it wasn't in the babysitters schedule either. That's a huge commitment. It's like three days. Plus I couldn't leave Stryker. Momma's got to feed the baby.

Anyways. Maybe next year.

And the truth is, sure there are problems in our marriage. There are problems in everybody's marriage. But that's not why we go.

There will always be problems There will always be things to work on. There will always be two people in love but fighting against selfishness, busyness, and the world just to have a successful union.

I love them, all of these seminars, because I feel like you can never be over-prepared. Knowledge certainly doesn't hurt. Awareness can only be helpful. And depending on the time of year, the place in our marriage and the conference we are attending, different information meets us at different places.

6 months after we were married, before kids, before I had finished school, before either one of us could imagine our first anniversary, my aunt had given us A Weekend To Remember as a wedding gift.

Of course we went. And didn't understand everything, and certainly couldn't relate to years and years of marriage with multiple children and having to work to find time for each other. It was just us. And we were just poor. With no thoughts of children or mortgages or anything but us. We were trying to find time apart.


But anyways, I came away with this important truth: The things I married Zach for, the things I loved about him before we got married would become the things I just could not stand about him as our marriage progressed. My vision would shrink from seeing the large picture of how wonderful he is and all that he does for me in to tunnel vision on the small things that would irritate the begeezus out of me. Its all about perspective. As my vision begins to shrink, take a step back, widen my angle and fall in love with the man I married all over again.

And I've held that truth. Nurtured it. And I don't have it perfect, but that's not a natural life lesson, I wouldn't have figured that one out on my own. I needed to be taught it, and now that knowledge has definitely come in handy time and time again.

There have been other conferences. Other truths. All have come along side of this struggle to co-habitate and encouraged us forward.

Sunday was maybe the most well spent three hours of probably the month, if not like the last six months. I mean. It was good. Like, really, really, really good.

The couple speaking were just fantastic. But the words they spoke just really hit both Zach and I at a very deep level. And it was more than just marriage, they spoke on parenting and relationships and all kinds of things. if you are curious about the conference.

They talked about 6 Mosquitoes, six things in a marriage that take you away from each other and put wedges between you. Marriage is made up of two imperfect people, and can never even stand the chance of being healthy unless it is nurtured and worked at.

One thing that was just really an epiphany for me, was this: Busyness was one of their mosquitoes. How it starts small and creeps its way into your lives and the busier you get the harder it is to relate to each other and when it gets awkward you fill up your time with more busyness and then one day you wake up and don't know each other at all.

This hasn't really been an issue for us yet. Zach and I really choose to put our family first and stay away from the busyness. There are things that take us years to get done just because we would rather be together than working on... whatever.

They said this little gem that I thought was really interesting: "Whatever you do, that takes you away from your family, either your kids or your spouse, is what they will resent."

How profound is that. While I'm working hard to start this make-believe career, if it is taking me away from my children than that is what they are going to hate. If it is taking me away from my husband, than that is what he will resent.

So in the end, what have I worked for if its taken my family away from me in order to achieve it?

And then they said, none of it matters. None of it is worth it. At the end of the day if I have money or the world or material things but I've lost my family than I have nothing. And that applies to anything. Blogging. Facebook. Cleaning the house.  Anything. What do they matter in comparison with my beautiful family?

And its not just that they hate the idea of me doing something else is immediately making my children or husband hate it, its that me making something else more important than them is driving a wedge of resentment between us.

The whole afternoon was very well spent. And I am just really happy that we went. I would love to hear them speak their whole three day conference.

So ok. Then Zach and I decided to get this second book out there. To associate something else with my name. I mean we're talking about a 99 cent book to just reference to when you are looking at the other one.

Meanwhile my sister in law wrote me this beautiful card full of quotes that she spent a lot of time just finding for me. She is so wonderful.

Anyways. You know how artists are weird. Like of course painters and designers and artsy people in general are just different. They are creative in a way that most people don't understand.

The same is true for actors and musicians. Its just funny to me that all of these celebrities get this super human status in life, but do you remember what the drama-kids were like in your high school?

I do.

And that's all Hollywood is. A bunch of drama kids that took it so seriously, they pursued a career in it.

And the best ones. The best actors are the weirdest of all. Edward Norton(although that's up for debate.), Christian Bale, Charlie Sheen..... Hey he had the best sitcom on TV. I didn't watch it. But lots and lots of other people did!

Angelina Jolie.

Sure sure, everybody loves her now, but can we please remember her french kissing her brother, wearing Billy Bob Thorton's blood around her neck and as the home wrecker she is!

Ahem. Sorry.


And writers are no exception. I'm not saying you should compare me to a celebrity. Obviously I'm not one. Not in the any sense of the word.

But I'm strange. Bizarre. I think differently than everybody else. And I think that is evidenced by my blog...

So my sister in law writes me these quotes and they just add to the already pensive mood I was in. And I want to share two that just hit me pretty much right smack dab in the face.

The first one isn't so inspired, but its totally me and it's kind of fun: "Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way." -E.L. Doctorow

Like I said, not very profound, but that's so totally me. Trust me, not a lot of forethought goes into anything I write!

Anyways, the one I really want to share with you, also I think applies to marriage, therefore applying to this blog and wrapping everything up!

"You must want to enough. Enough to take all the rejections, enough to pay the price of disappointment and discouragement while you are learning like any other artist. You must learn your craft - then you can add all the genius you like." - Phyllis Whitney

I just love that. You must Want-To enough.

In anything you do, you have to want to to be successful. And how true is this about marriage? Of course there will be disappointment and discouragement and even rejection. But as you master the art of being married you can be successful. And happy. And live your lives together to the fullest.


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