Oh what a day.

Today we had dance like all day. Sometimes I look at myself as the Dance Mom, toting Stella from this dance function to that one and just laugh at myself. What am I doing?

Pretending. That's what.

Pretending to fit in with the upper class of Omaha and be the mom that has it all together with perfect children and hair bows.

Ok, So I don't come across at all to anyone as the Mom who has it all together. I never took drama. I'm not a good actress. And oh yea, most people aren't blind!

And bows. Stella and Scarlett's hair accessories have seriously been lacking since we've moved. I'm still missing tons of my bows. I can't find them. Shoot. We just found the headbands like two weeks ago so they have been our saving grace, but still. Nobody is sitting around the dance auditorium talking about how perfect Stella and Scarlett look.

Adorable. Beautiful. The most gorgeous kids ever! :) But also how tragic it is that their mother doesn't have her crap together.

Today was one of these days. First dance class and then practice on a real dance stage. In Stella's words.

It was almost an all day event by the time we got through with it all and stopped at the grocery store on the way home.

Some days I wonder if I'm doing the right thing with Stella in Competition. She's certainly exposed to more than I was at 3. Like competition for starters. And the need for an attitude, she doesn't naturally come with sass unless its at the end of the day and she wants to get under my skin. But mainly I wonder if I'm doing the right thing when I get the bill. And then another bill. And then a bill for a jacket. And a car decal. And make-up. And surprise, bows. And the million other fees that accrue on top of exactly what I had budgeted for.

Although for the record, I put my foot down with the car decal. It was optional. And it may have been $15, but I just couldn't justify the one more thing.

Plus, I really would have liked to explain that to Zach. Not only would I be defaming his cars, but he has this thing with people putting things about their kids on their cars. He says its an advertisement to pedophiles.

He probably has a point.

Anyways, I question myself and question myself and question myself. And then we go to the stage and Stella shines. She just loves being on stage and never wants to leave and always wants it to be her turn.

Granted, their little dance is FAR from perfect and she gets confused and mixed up and we have stuff to work on at home (Like suddenly the whole first half of the dance which I thought she knew....).

But she LOVES it. To death. She loves it so much that when her friend Bella got to practice her solo, Stella threw one of the snottiest, spoiled, bratty temper tantrums I have ever seen her throw!

She was pissed. And I really mean Pissed here. That she didn't have a solo.

She was in tears and sobbing into my shoulder.

I tried to explain to her that she didn't know a solo dance, but she assured me that she could do one if she just got the chance to go on stage.

It was awful.

After I checked her attitude and threatened a trip to the dreaded bathroom, it was the saddest thing ever. I kept saying maybe next year, maybe next year, but that means nothing to her. All she felt was the disappointment of not getting to do her own dance.

I felt bad. I felt sad. I felt mad and embarrassed(At her) at one point. But then I felt satisfied and thankful that she has this opportunity.

And then I thought about the competition days coming up. I thought about having a newborn. And nursing. And Scarlett. And having to be at the Civic Center at terrible hours in the morning with Stella's make-up done and hair curled and put up with bows and glitter and who knows what else and costume on and having gone to the bathroom and ready to compete and show her stage face so that she can be ready for her competition by 8!!! Oh plus have Zach all set up with the rest of the kiddos so I can accomplish all of it. And then I had to breathe into a paper bag and sit down so I didn't pass out in the middle of a whole bunch of moms who could do that stuff in their sleep.

Right now, I'm not going to lie, it sounds impossible. IMPOSSIBLE.

So we'll see. I might have the most tragic looking family in all of Omaha those days, but hey Stella's not going to know the difference and she'll just be happy for some stage time!

On another note, Zach's birthday party went really, really well last night! I got the house cleaned and all of the snacks made and a TON of people came. More people than I even invited. And we had an amazing time celebrating with some of our closest friends.

Even Zach had a fantastic time.

Even after I asked him earlier in the day if he was excited for his party and he said, "How long have you known me? And you give me a party full of people for my birthday? You should know by now all I want is some peace and quiet."

Ok, he was joking when he said it.

But that also doesn't mean what he said wasn't the truth. Haha.

Still he had fun.

And people stayed over until 3.

3 in the morning!

I haven't seen that time since, ok, well the night before when I was tossing and turning all night from insomnia..... But I mean, stayed up so coherently and around other people!

And I ran out of food. I NEVER run out of food! Which is a good sign I think....

My kids were also up until after midnight.

Please imagine what little gems they've been today. Poor things. But since only their favorite people in the entire world were over, Braden and Logan, I think they felt like it was worth it!

So now I'm just waiting for this baby to come.

I'm waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.

Thursday and Friday I was about to steal some over the counter ulcer medication I heard does the starting labor trick, but today I was honesty at peace with this little guy coming whenever he's ready.

Or whenever the doctor scheduled that induction. Ahem, Wednesday morning at 6.

I was at peace.

Operative worse: WAS.

Now? Not so much. Now that the baby has his feet on both sides of my rib cage threatening to break them in half, I have these inexplicable, definitely not contraction cramping pains in my left side and a sciatic nerve that I'm pretty sure is severed in to two or twenty pieces I am about to lose my frickin' mind.

And by that I mean, I guess I'll be spending the rest of the night mentally willing myself into labor and timing every one of my meaningless, liars of braxton hicks contractions!