Nothing makes me feel more like an Archaic Fifties House Wife than making Malt-O-Meal for breakfast in the morning.

Which is what I did today.

However, a few things have changed since what I imagine to be a Fifties version of me and Today's Modern Prototype. I was not up at 5. Try 7:30 and even then stayed in bed during Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I have yet to do my makeup. Hair. Or change out of my pajamas, save for this ratty old sweatshirt I threw over the top. I was not wearing a frilly apron. And to top it off I did none of the preparation with a smile on my face nor a twinkle in my eye.

This isn't Happy Days.

And we don't function in black and white.

But that doesn't change the fact that Malt-O-Meal is delicious. Or as my children call it: Macho Meal. It reminds me of that song by the Village People and I've been singing, "Macho, Macho, Man......" for like thirty minutes now.

And now you are! Bahahaha.

Anyways, don't think we are totally crazy. I buy the chocolate kind and then we add chocolate chips. So.

It is what it is.

Baby Update: Next Wednesday is the date. The date I will be induced. So if I don't go before then, then we know the longest I have to wait is just one week.

I can make it that long. I can. Really I can.

Plus we still haven't bought a car seat yet, so maybe we need the week to prepare.

I did however get some serious shopping done yesterday with my mom. So I feel a lot better about bringing this naked baby into the world. Don't worry, he won't have to stay naked for long! Which was kind of my concern for a little while!

And he has a Ba-Ba. Which might not seem that important to the outsider, but believe me, it's obviously more of a priority to me than a car seat.

Best case scenario however, I'd like to go early!

It might not make sense to you, but I've never gone in to labor on my own. I've always been induced. Well, ok, I had started labor with Stella, I mean, she was three days late, but then they still induced me. That was a total case of the Doctor being more of a business man than caring about my baby because by 6 pm that day, after I had only been there for 11 hours, he told me they were going to C-Section me. Um, hello, first time mom here, it takes a while, and I'm not going to have this baby at your convenience just so you can go have dinner at home. This is what you signed up for, so hang around for another hour and give me a break.

Needless to say, I didn't go back to him.

The point is, I'd like to try the whole labor and delivery thing without the aid of Pitocin. Because it's kind of a bitch.

So anyways, that is the real reason behind all of the self inducing nonsense.

And I'd like to meet this little guy. Now that I can dress him. And wrap him up in blankets. I feel a little more ready for him.

Ok, so Zach and I watched the cutest movie the other day. We've been actually on a good movie run lately. City Island. Highly Recommend. Ok, I don't recommend it if you have an aversion to the F Word, because they use it a little more than necessary. But still a good movie.

But the one we watched the other night, Going the Distance. I know. Drew Barrymore and Justin Long? Come on, right? Plus, I'm in no mood to sit through another Gigli(A project that sucks, but gets a ton of press because that's where the couple got together....) or Mr. and Mrs. Smith for that matter. (Home Wrecker.)

Anyways, this one far surpasses the expectations. It helps that two of our favorite comedians are in it: Jim Gaffigan and Charlie Day. And that the movie is actually filled with Comedians playing all different parts. But it takes a whole new spin on the Romantic Comedy.

Also avoid this one if you don't like the F Word, or just Crass Language in general.

And here's another side note. If I have to read one more movie review where the genre is referred to as Rom-Com I am going scream. What a terrible way to shorten the name. Are we that lazy? Why would you every do that to us? First of all, it just sounds like a tongue twister that I frankly have difficult saying. Second of all, it changes the entire sound of the word Ro-mantic. Instead of the natural Row sound that has been associated with Ro-Mantic for I don't know, EVER, you then begin to pronounce the shortened version to rhyme with Comedy, so Rom comes out of your mouth sounding like Rah-m-Com, which is not an abbreviated version for anything! You would never say Rahmantic Comedy just to get those two words rhyme.

Well you wouldn't. I'm officially calling them Rahmedy Comedys from now on. Just to piss off Hollywood.

I know, watch out, I'm taking a stand!

Ok, anyways back to the movie. It's hard to even classify the movie as simply a Romantic Comedy since it takes on the New-Edgier Profile of like Knocked Up. I want to give those movies an entirely new genre to categorize themselves into. Romantic Comedies are more along the lines of You've Got Mail(Awesome.) and The Wedding Planner. These are something new entirely. Not for every audience and definitely not going down in a Top Ten Movie List of All Time kind of category. But more like a watch over and over and over because it never stops being funny until suddenly your kids want to watch that kind of movie and then you're like, that movie is filth, how dare you... kind of thing.

Ok, but that's not really what I wanted to talk about.

I want to talk about the New Cigarette. The new agenda Hollywood is shoveling our way. And that would be Marijuana.

Remember when everyone thought that smoking was ok? So every movie, we're talking like 50's, 60's and 70's here people, well, ok even 80's and some... early 90's, every character smoked. Especially like the hero's or the sexy heroine or whoever, they always smoked.

And what was the point? Besides the fact that most of America was smoking. To advertise that Smoking was Cool and push it on the masses.

Well, recently. Ok, not so recently, we all learned that Smoking is not good for you. Smoking is in fact a killer. Although not as severely as Diet Related Cancer, if you would like to learn more about this have a SaladMaster party. :)

So, cigarettes are suddenly ripped from movies and the agenda pushed no longer. Poor Joe Camel.

However, now we have something new. Marijuana.

Ugh. Seriously, not every successful person in America smokes Marijuana and it really isn't that cool.

Ok, and I know a lot of people that will disagree with me. A lot of people. My brother threw me this statistic over Christmas that like 70% of Americans smoke marijuana at least once a month. I don't really know if I believe that its that high, but I'm also not naive enough to believe it isn't a strong number.

My point is that Marijuana is not legal yet, so Hollywood throwing it at us in every PSA is not serving anyone but themselves and making a disgusting habit look cool.

Um, have you smelled it?

And then I would love to go toe to toe with the argument that it should be legal because it's not addictive and those who abuse it would abuse anything because they're natural abusers. Blah blah blah.

Not true. And it is addictive. And it ruins peoples lives. And I will fight on this one too, thank you D.A.R.E., it is a gate way drug.

I'll address each point quickly.

Addictive because people who do it often don't stop doing it often. I know tons of people from High School that still smoke themselves stupid. Constantly. They don't even know what it's like to not be high. And then I look at people in their late 30's and 40's that I know that still smoke and have made nothing of themselves who at one point had HUGE potential and you try to tell me that its not addictive, yet instead of a successful career or even a steady job they are home right now getting high? Sorry. Experience tells me otherwise.

And it does ruin peoples lives. College drop outs who should be in the middle of their successful careers who are instead living in their parents basement making enough money only to pay for their dime bags are you kidding me? And take a shower. Pretty sure you're susceptible to Scurvy right now.

And it is a gate way drug. Listen, I know a TON of people who smoke weed. A Ton. Or who have occasionally or whatever. And there are very, very, very few of them who haven't gone on to try something else, something harder, something WAY more dangerous. And you don't just wake up one morning and say to yourself I think I'm going to drop Acid in my eyeballs and send myself to rehab. Or hey, Mushrooms sound like a fantastic idea and then send your best friend to the emergency room because you couldn't figure out reality from your hallucination.

It sounds like I hang out with really bad people. I don't. I just know them. And it's just weed right? If it were legal we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

Um. Wrong.

Anyways, I know I sound like the ultra-conservative-freak-out-mom, but truthfully I've held this opinion strongly since I was in fourth grade. Ok, probably 8th grade, when I actually understood drugs.

Which, believe me, hold your own opinion, I'm not going to judge you for it, and I LOVE to have a debate, an intelligent debate with a legitimate argument to the other side, not one that's like, "But its AWESOME." That is not an argument. And I am not so conceited that I could never believe I could be wrong. Although, I'm pretty sure I'm right on this one! :)

My point is, is that its completely unnecessary for Hollywood to take this point of view and subliminally advertise it in every movie. It turns out you can leave smoking cigarettes and marijuana out of movies all together and a good movie can still be made.

Maybe you just need to try harder.

And put your own agenda aside.

I know, it's totally not going to happen. And I bet you never saw that argument coming in this blog. But there it is all the same.


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