Over the River and Through the Blogs

Room Time.


What am I going to do with the rest of my day?

Who cares, because right now I have peace and quiet. They were banished to their room after refusing to let me get any work done and then freaking out over an invisible monster. And by freaking out I mean panicked screams and climbing to the top of my head, crying even.

I couldn't handle it anymore.

Does that make me a bad mom?

Seriously, I woke up this morning with all of the good intentions of writing about how beautiful they are. How I think they are the most wonderful, precious children in the world. How of course, every mother thinks that about her own children, but when I look at mine, I couldn't be more proud or filled with joy.

That was when we were cuddling in bed, the three of us.

And then life happened.

Breakfast to be exact.

Zach had worked all night, poor guy. Thanks to the sleet that stuck around and turned into a couple nice inches of snow, Zach was out all night pushing it. So this morning, like only a loving father would, he brought home orange juice and donuts.

Unfortunately for Scarlett, she was a little, and by little, I mean extremely-ear-splitting-screaming-upset that she couldn't literally stack the entire box of donuts on to her plate and eat them all.

And then Stella was all mad because Scarlett kept trying to take her donuts to make up for the ones I took away from her.

Disaster. Before coffee. That makes a mother a little on edge.

What is worse is that I know what they wanted, and why they were so edgy and irritable. They were hungry. They needed to eat. But they couldn't calm down enough to take a breath and then a bite.

That happens so often. Maybe it's just little girls, I guess we'll find out sooner or later...., but the drama sometimes builds up so quickly that the solution is clouded by tears and screams of frustration.

And I'm like, Hello. Please just take a bite and you'll feel better. I'll feel better. We might even make it through this morning!

Eventually we did. Make it through breakfast at least. The morning is still on trial.

But thank God for Room Time.

They're not being punished. Rather, they are being protected from a Grizzly Bear of a Mother on a Rampage from Hell.

It's not just them that's edgy this morning. It's me too.

Zach and I have never been one of those couples that can't fall asleep without the other one. I know plenty of couples out there who are all like, I can't fall asleep unless he's in bed with me. A lot of my friends are like that actually.

Good for them.

We lost that spark or something. We have no problem falling asleep without the other one. Granted we still go to bed together after five years, the Romance is still there folks, but if Zach wants to stay up for an extra hour I have no problem finding my way to the bed all by my lonesome.

I say all of that and then he was gone all night last night and I slept terribly. Bad dreams. A little girl who came to keep me company and then kicked me all night while hogging the blankets. Pregnancy Bladder. Pregnancy Insomnia. Pregnancy Paraplegia. Talk to my sciatic nerve, it stops working the minute I lay down so I look like something out of a horror movie trying to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Side Note: I cannot wait to sleep on my stomach again. Number one thing about having this baby that I'm looking forward to, hands down. Oh and a stiff margarita. And maybe an entire bottle of wine. And a cigarette.

Haha. Just kidding. I don't smoke. Gross.

So I banished the poor little girls; but the thing about Room Time is they have never been happier this morning. When they're with me, there's suddenly things to fight about and tattle on and compete over. But now, quietly in their room, they are playing so sweet and quietly and maybe this second cup of coffee will kick in and I'll lose this haze of irritability and snap out of it.

Just maybe.

Oh to be a mom. Oh to be a stay at home mom.

It's not easy. People think that it is. That it's the quintessential "life." Who wouldn't want to just lounge around the house all day, not working and taking it easy?

Except that there is literally nothing easy about it. I mean, I get that working is hard too. I'm not invalidating the mom who's up by 6AM out the door with her kids ready for the day, dropping them off at day care, working a full time job, picking up the kids, making dinner and getting the family to bed, not to mention whenever she fits in laundry, cleaning the house, dishes, chores and errands. Yikes. It sounds rough.

But sometimes I dream about that life.

Fine brand me as a terrible mother.

But its true. Some days the idea of having a job that I can escape the house from sounds like most wonderful oasis of sanity.

Plus lets not even mention the prospect of a second income for this family. I can't. I won't even go there.

Both roads are difficult in their own way.

I suppose it's the common factor of having children that make it that way. Don't get me wrong, I never knew a person could be so fulfilled and purpose driven, filled with unlimited joy and blessings just because they had kids.

And I, truthfully...., have the best ones out there. Don't worry, I'm not being objective at all.

But selfishness and sacrifice have never looked so starkly different under any other microscope than when you hold your children up to the light and realize you are a wretched, petty, self-centered individual.

So thank you motherhood for all that you teach me. For the grumpiness that starts so early in the morning, but then dissipates just as quickly with the two seconds of sweetness from those little hugs and kisses.

It's a tough road, but well worth it from beginning to end.


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1 comment:

  1. staying home with your children is a blessing beyond blessing. every day when i have to walk out the door leaving asher behind, it breaks my heart. and monday... while i was at work, i missed his first real laugh. and i was struck with the reality that as long as i am not home with him, i will continue to miss those little things that are so important.

    everyone keeps telling me someday i will be so glad to run out the door and have a break... but i don't see it.

    plus, most people don't love their job, they aren't leaving the house to do a job that they always dreamed of doing. they do a job that hired them and pays them enough to pay the bills... they work with people they don't love and aren't nearly as adorable as their own children, and have to deal with corporate politics and employees throwing tantrums instead of 3 year olds throwing tantrums.

    and you should see my house... yikes. if i worked 1 more hour a week i would have to hire a housecleaner.

    hold your little girls and relish in the joy of being with them everyday. YOU are doing what this girls dreams.