Solitary Con-Blog-Ment

I'm winning the battle.

The battle against this ridiculous head cold! My secret? I'm drowning it with Vitamin C. And by that, I literally mean I drank a gallon of orange juice yesterday and I'm going back for more today. Of course, I realize this will end me up with a UTI. But it's worth the risk. I can take medicine for that. I however, thanks to the bun in the oven, cannot take anything for a cold. Boo.

Except for Orange Juice.

So this morning, when I woke up and sneezed out a foot long rope of snot, after I gagged and almost vomited of course, I then rejoiced because my nasal passage felt nearly cleared.

Now you're almost vomiting? I know, that was probably an over-share. Sorry.

So, I think something has happened to me. Something that I'm not sure how I feel about.

No, not a second round of Puberty......

Every once in a while I read the Pioneer Woman. Not every post, she posts a ton. Which is probably how she got to be so famous, but anyways, I do read her.

If you're not familiar with her, she is a rancher's wife, living way out in the middle of no-where on a huge farm. She is constantly mentioning how she hates leaving her ranch, even to run into town. She just loves her home and is a super busy home-maker, home-schooling all four of her children, plus running this business quickly turning into an Empire. So on her ranch she stays as often and much as possible. And that's where she prefers it.

Before we moved, this aspect of a complete stranger, is what caught my eye the most. Not her cookbook, or her recipes (Although, I have made two of them, Meatball Sliders, and Pumpkin Cream Pie and they are DELICIOUS! Plus, she makes them super easy to follow.), not her crazy tales on the ranch, such as prairie fires, or breaking horses, not her homeschooling tips, or even her prizes and giveaways, because trust me folks, they are amazing, but like 10,000 people enter into them and there really is no hope of winning! No, what caught my attention beyond everything else was the fact that she would rather stay at home, not preferring the big city, not enjoying Target runs or leaving the confinement of her ranch, no this woman just wants to stay home.

I couldn't fathom a world in which I'd rather stay home. A few months ago, I couldn't imagine staying cramped up in one house, while there was so much other stuff going on in the world. We had play dates, shopping, errands, trips for frozen yogurt. I mean, serious stuff. Besides having stuff to do, I just needed to get out. I'm a social creature, I need to interact with the world and breath in some life. I can't just sit in my stale home, speaking only toddler and doing house work all day! I was not that kind of Stay at home mom.

I wasn't that kind of mom.

I didn't used to be.

And then we moved.

Out of the city, granted not far, but far enough, to change my entire perspective.

Oh the city. I say the word with disdain almost. What a lot of work, and hassle and trauma.

I know. What happened?

It must be the well water. Zach and I are drinking the KoolAid, because believe me it's happened to him too.

Our landlord was telling us how her children are always telling her that she and her husband need to get in to town more, they are way too isolated. And she said, I understand their point, but we like it out here, we don't need all the hustle and bustle of the city.

We laughed, slowly understanding what she meant.

I don't know what it is about being separated from the city, but suddenly it's work to go to town and if I'm going to town, then I am going to spend all day there, getting every single thing done, so I can spend the other six days at home, in solitary confinement, away from everyone else.

I don't like to leave the farm. I prefer it here, cleaning, home-schooling, cooking, taking care of my children. It's border line crazy.

I realize this. It's like I can watch myself from outside of my body, choosing to stay home and away from it all and objectively decide I'm on a Slippery Slope to Crazy Town.

It doesn't help that I've recently lost my faith in mankind in general. Ugh. Like I said in an earlier post, I'm suddenly surrounded by drama and frankly tired of people.

Don't worry this mood swing has nothing to do with the fact that I am sick and don't feel like myself, that I'm crazy emotional thanks to end of pregnancy hormones, or that I'm naturally a sensitive individual.

Ha. Ha.

Zach told me on Saturday that I was coming over to his side, aka the Dark Side: Skeptical and Un-Trusting.

That's not me normally. But I'm tired of people disappointing me, frankly.

See? I sound like Zach. And I can't even blame it on the solitude of the country. Because I'm finding that it's when I go in to town that that is where the trouble starts.

Anyways, I have way to much to do out here anyways!

This new food life style we are living requires a lot more work than I used to have to worry about. Lets even leave the microwave out, because sometimes I get bitter about an anti-microwave lifestyle. But just the work that goes in to healthy meals. And now I'm so obsessed with worrying about processed foods and canned foods and all genres of unhealthy-ness that it seems I'm trying to make most everything we eat from scratch now.

Do you know eating out of cans is like one of the worst things you can do? And think about everything that is canned, from vegetables and fruits, to baked and re-fried beans, to spaghetti sauce and soup(Ok, so I haven't given up my Tomato Soup yet, and I really don't plan on it!). And it's just not eating from straight aluminum cans, when aluminum is one of the leakiest metals there is, it's what they put in that food to preserve it, anything with a shelf life of several years is not good for you, and then of course there is all of the warnings they tell you about the lids and the bpas.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on about food. I know that gets annoying! Trust me, I am fully aware. I get irritated with myself a lot! You try looking at a can of re-fried beans or boxed Spanish rice and having an internal, sometimes external argument with yourself about just grabbing them, and forgetting about the negatives of powdered flavoring and bpa's and making them yourself at home where it's not only cheaper but safer. It's not a fun battle to have, trust me. In fact, it's down right aggravating!

All I meant to say, is that I seem to be spending a lot more time in the kitchen than I used to. And then there is a bigger house to clean, and laundry every day. It seems I've fallen into this grown up lifestyle that didn't really exist before we moved. Or was just smaller in ways.

And where that didn't used to be ok with me, it suddenly is all that I want. And I feel weird about it.

Ok, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Maybe it's maturity. Or maybe it's immaturity and this is just the easier path. Who really knows.

Heck, maybe it's neither and this is all just a bi-product of pregnancy. Have I mentioned before how I completely change into a total stranger to both myself and others around me when I'm pregnant?

I'm no Pioneer Woman. And I'm certainly not up by 5 AM. But I am trying this whole farm lifestyle thing out. Our lives are looking more and more like Little House on the Prairie and less and less like Friends.

I don't really know if we were ever friends? Zach and I would have to be Monica and Chandler then..... It was just the only reference I could think of with a married couple that still goes out and about.....

But now I suppose you can just call us Ma and Pa.

That just sounds terrible.

Ugh. So who knows. It's when I've started growing my own herbs for medicine and shut off our cable and phones that you really need to start worrying. I'm not that crazy.



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