It looks like winter outside! Most of the leaves are gone. The sun is no where to be seen and it's down right gloomy out there.

At least in our front yard.

The backyard is still the picture perfect paradise of autumn.

I don't mind the winter look. It never fails, I get excited for every season. Yes, even winter. Granted that quickly fades, but come on, nothing beats the first snow and a White Christmas.

Nothing.

Plus, I kind of love to bundle up. Well, I would love to bundle up if I had any semblance of a coat in the past six or so years. But I mean, as far as gloves and scarves go, and I do love my boots.

The funny thing is there was a sun at some point this morning. I watched it rise out of my back window. I watched it rise because this morning I was up before 6:30. Not as early as a lot of you get up, I know that..... But early for me!

And I had grand expectations of blogging first thing and having the whole early morning post like the old days.

But then, I fell asleep at the table during devotions.

I know. I'm awesome.

I'm 26 with nearly three kids and I can't stay awake during breakfast.

And Zach wonders why I have trouble embracing my adulthood!

Today equals Big Project Day!

I'm tackling the computer room. Once, just merely an empty room where the old empty boxes, that I've been meaning to sell on craigslist, sat... Now has become a cluttered, unorganized disaster that houses boxes that have since moved here in the last month and I haven't had time nor energy to deal with them.

Wall to wall crap. Stuff I don't know what to do with. Stuff we don't necessarily need. And stuff I'm not even sure where I'm going to store once all is said and unpacked.

A lot of it is the girls old clothes. What do I do with it? If I knew a baby girl I could pass along some of it since I won't be needing baby girl clothes for a while.

But all of my friends have boys.

(Scarlett has started calling me Gramma. I'm confused, since she has no Gramma. She has a Nana and a Granny. Why am I the Gramma????? Good thing I don't have a self esteem problem with my age.......)

But seriously. I've thought about donating, I've thought about selling, I've thought about keeping them because what if we go for another one? Probably guaranteed they'll be born between January and February. And there's no guarantee we will have a boy, right?

I think I'll for sure be donating at least some of them. Hopefully a ton of them. A fourth baby is light years away. I can start over with new clothes.... hopefully.... I thought they were worn out after Stella, just imagine what a third little baby girl will look like....

Homeless. A homeless baby.

Zach is about to go bananas on my boss I think.

I know, I just gave you whip lash with the subject change. But I'm speaking in real time here. :)

And actually, I know he won't get out of hand. He has the ability to have no emotions, so he can have clear, thought out, demanding discussions with people, getting his way and leaving them to wonder what happened and why aren't they mad at him although he just got everything he wanted and they got nothing.

It's truly a gift.

I don't have that talent. I'm more of the lie down and let them back over me with a dump truck like personality. Or on the rare occasions where I feel fired up enough to let someone have it, I can't seem to stop the flood of emotions that come out of nowhere, mean nothing, and further the belief that I am a weak female, incapable of demanding so much as a tissue for my tears.

It's pathetic really.

Especially when I'm owed something that I need. That I earned. And that I have no control over getting through my own merit.

Such as a larger sum of money.

OMG. Folks.

I don't know what it is about working, but why does there always seem to be drama, drama, drama? I'm not that person with problem after problem, complaining constantly about the short end of the stick and a world where nothing ever goes my way.

You may or may not agree with the above statement. After all, you do read my blog......

But anyways. Then I get a job. Not even really, a real job. Just a pretend job that fits into my make believe world. But still the drama comes. And it does not stop coming.

Such as my boss moved to Texas and didn't happen to mention it to me.

He told me he was just visiting.

And then I found out yesterday, he may be visiting, but in the permanent sense. Like, he's not coming back.

So where, do I ask, does that leave me?

Well, Zach and I are figuring things out, but doesn't that seem crazy? And that's the least of my problems... Trust me.

Ok, we all know I don't consider myself a real grown up, but here are the real life lessons I have learned in the recent years.

First. You(As in the general You of the world.) will never make as much money as you think you should or think you will.

Second. Everything. EVERYTHING will cost more than you think it will/should/or does. Purchases, Bills, Life in General.

Third. Nobody, not one person, no matter how good their intentions are will ever do everything they say they will. Promises are made, plans are written down, but in the end only a fraction of what is promised will come through. Even with the best of people.

And Fourth. You're on your own, baby.

That's a super, super cynical point of view isn't it?

But still, even for this perpetual, people-loving optimist, I can't help it. Maybe Zach's "realist" attitude is rubbing off on me. Do you ever notice pessimists always, always claim they are not being pessimistic but realistic.

I love that about them. The world needs both sides of the coin. And so does my marriage.

Anyways, I feel like my life is about two days away from ending up on Judge Judy with her yelling at both sides of the story, and myself breaking down into helpless over-emotional pregnant hysteria.

Oh. That sounds stressful.

Well, anyways. I'll keep you posted. If I snag a daytime court TV slot, I'll let you know so you can be sure to DVR it!