We have mice.

Again.

What is it about us that just attracts the bad luck. I'm pretty sure these mice came with the house though. And didn't follow us here from the city! I actually anticipated mice before we even moved in. If mice are a problem in the city they for SURE have to be a problem in the country. But that doesn't mean I'm anymore thrilled about it.

It's so irritating. And I freak out every time I hear a little squeak or scratch or see a damn rodent scurry across my kitchen floor.

Oh, plus there's something in our attic as well. We're not totally sure if it's just mice or something else entirely.

I know right! Where do we live? The seventh circle of hell?

Seriously, between the Jurassic Park breeds of bugs around here, the scavenging mice making their presence more and more known, whatever types of shenanigans are going on up in the attic and finish with the coyotes howling through the night, I am reminded I'm a city girl every single moment out here.

Yet, I still love it. I know. I'm some kind of masochist. Our landlord claims the cat that lives on our property is supposed to be taking care of them, which I agree. Especially because I have seen that cat take down rabbits! I know. Rabbits. So, a few little mice shouldn't be a big deal for him.

Right?

Seriously. I say I have a legitimate fear of bugs, but you people have no idea. Most people just think I'm a wuss. I lived with rats. Rats. In Sri Lanka. Listen, I've done a lot of gross stuff. Stuff I can handle. But the two things that totally give me the heebs are Bugs and Nursing Homes(I know that's very insensitive to say, but all people have a gift, mine does not include Nursing Homes, that's where my brother steps in. My gifts lean more toward children. Trust me, nobody handles poop and vomit quite like me. :))

Anyways, the whole bug situation is putting a total strain on my marriage. I think it's actually going to land us in couples therapy.

Zach doesn't get that this is a legitimate fear. And my constant nagging for him to get off the couch, interrupt his fifth game of Fifa of the night and demand that he come kill the who-knows-what-kind-of-demonic-creature is flying around my head every five seconds just isn't coinciding with our altruistic and blissful selves......

He's like seriously? Can't you kill it yourself? And I'm like no. I am basically paralyzed by fear right now. All except for my voice box, which would be the sound piercing every one's ear drums and shattering windows!

The other day, all Zach was trying to do was get into the shower. And at the same time all I was trying to do was put Stella in the tub. Our main bathroom, for whatever reason attracts bugs more than the rest of the house. Stella won't even go in there by herself. She calls it the Bug Bathroom and usually runs passed to avoid any unnecessary contact with even the entry way to the Bathroom. (Just as a disclaimer, I do keep it very clean. In fact, I keep my whole house clean. Still. Bugs happen. Even to good, clean people.)

So there I was. Stella naked in the tub. Zach in a towel. And then there were bugs.

"Zach......" We both called loudly. (Yes, both of my children yell Zach when they want something from him. It's ridiculous!)

He comes running in. And is happy to kill the first few bugs for his baby girl.

He leaves, towel wrapped around snugly, back to the master bathroom for his after work shower.

But not 30 seconds later, there was a spider! I do not mess with spiders! Are you kidding me? They're like the Chupacabra of insects.

"Zach....... We need you again!" He comes walking back this time, a little exasperated. "What?" He demands.

"There's a spider," Stella and I respond with the perfect amount of fear and humbled attitude in our voices.

"Ugh. Fine. Why can't you kill it?" He asks pointedly of me.

"You know I don't like bugs...." I say matter of factly.

I hear him mumble something all the way back to the master bathroom. This time he actually turns the shower on.

But unfortunately for him, he has underestimated just how much I don't like bugs.... Because suddenly there is this moth. And not just any moth, it was at least the size of two of my fingers put together. Not your tiny little fingers and I'm speaking to you even if you're a 6 foot 5 inch man, I mean my ginormicon fingers. The pointer and the middle, with all of my pregnant swelling glory.

And this moth is not just any moth. I swear to you that it was swimming. And then it would float above the water and around the bath toys and then settle in the water and flap its wings quickly, all the while Stella and I heard the wha-pa-wha-pa-wha-pa-wha-pa of it's six inch wing span moving up and down.

Stella saw the little monster first and yelled something like, "Daddy get in here right now! Get in here, get in here, get in here!"

And I was quickly behind her. "Zach, we need you! Quick, we need you!"

So, as he runs, towel wrapped around him again, only this time dripping a little bit from the shower he was just about to get in, and sees whats to him only a little tiny moth, not a pterodactyl from the prehistoric period, let's just say the moment was a little anticlimactic for him.

"Can't you kill that yourself?" Irritation creeping in his voice.

But just as he asks the question, the Moth/AKA the Red Barren, swoops down in total WWII Fighter Pilot Fashion and guns it for Stella and then turns quickly, of course, for me.

You can imagine what happened next.

Stella's behavior is more than excused. She's three. And she happened to be naked in the bath tub. The fully dressed, fully adult version of me however? Not so much.

So when our arms and hands began flailing wildly and the shrieking noise coming from our mouths reached an ear-splitting level you can imagine the Eye Roll and Sigh we received from Zach.

Although he did take care of the Little(Or not so little)Kamikaze Creature. Afterwords he turned on his heel, vowed to never deal with another one of my bugs again and promptly slammed the door to the bedroom.

Listen ladies, we need a champion. A grumbling, not-understanding champion? Sure. Why not. As long as he slays the dragons, that's all I ask!

There are fears that I have that Zach totally understands! Like my fear of scary movies. He never asks me to watch one with him and he understands why they would scare me. My fear of Nursing Homes? He is 110% supportive.

But lets face it. My fear of bugs doesn't make sense to anyone. Let alone the man who is at my beck and call every five seconds in this foreign land infested with unknown and aggressive insects.

I can't blame him. But I do thank him.

Moving on to a different yet totally related story about how the country totally freaks me and my girls out.

The other day, like two days ago we were sitting at breakfast. And sometimes we are a little jumpy around here. All three of us. I don't know if it's the solitude or the silence, but when loud noises rumble by in the form of a tractor or huge truck on the road in front of our house, or a bird starts squawking at an ungodly pitch outside of our window, we, as in all three of us have the tendency to panic. If only for a moment. Still there's panic.

So Wednesday morning, a loud truck, such as the one previously described, drives by. It's loud. And just as it makes its way passed our house it makes an even louder thudding sound.

Well, both my girls, but especially Scarlett, scream and run to my side. They had thought it was thunder and don't even get me started on our(This time I just mean the girls though) fear of thunderstorms. We calm down. I feed them a little snack. And since the sun is glaring in through all of our open windows I explain that there is no way in the world it is about to thunderstorm right now.

That's fine. We move on with our day.

An hour or so later. We are preparing for lunch. I'm setting the table and the girls are putting their shoes on in the kitchen. Not because we were going anywhere, but frankly they're obsessed with shoes. Anyways, as Scarlett struggles to get her most prized possession on, a pink pair of boots from Target, suddenly she begins screaming. At the top of her lungs. In this panicked, terrified, frightened kind of voice, I had never even heard before.

So I rush to her side of course and pick her up. She buries her little head in my neck and just begins to sob. Like hysterical sobs.

I rock her and I sooth her and eventually she's able to gain composure again. When she picks her head up from my shoulder, I ask her what was the matter.

And do you know what she told me.

Which I should just say, that Scarlett has an extremely advanced vocabulary for a 19 month old. Not to brag on my brilliant/genius child(cough cough) but the girl can talk.

As an example, yesterday she told me: Uh oh, Mommy. I threw my cup and it broke. I spilled my juice all over the floor. Mommy, I'm sorry.

Ok, she's a genius.

But anyways. The house is silent. Scarlett has calmed down. She picks her head up off of my shoulder and with chilling sincerity she says:

"Mommy, a ghost."

Bah!

What?

It was terrifying. She was SO serious. And I didn't even know she knew what a ghost was! Let alone that she would imagine she saw one!

And then she pats me on the shoulder with one hand and with the other points to where she had been looking pre-scream and says, "Mommy, a ghost. A ghost Mommy."

I know.

I didn't even know what to think. If this house not only has a problem with mice. With bugs. And now with ghosts, I will take the first ticket back to the city thank you very much!

Then the whole rest of the day Scarlett talked about that damn ghost.

Eventually she began calling it the Frog Ghost. Which, as far as ghosts go, I would much rather have the ghost of a frog haunting this place than the other bazillion options out there!

Not that I even believe in ghosts or believe she even saw anything. I don't. I don't believe in ghosts.

For real I don't though. Once you die you die. The soul either enters heaven or hell. And that's that. It's very black and white and God doesn't send lost souls back to earth to bother the people he's still trying to get into heaven ok. It's ridiculous.

I do however believe in supernatural phenomenon. The spiritual world is a real place.

Now, I'm not that much of a crazy to really believe that our little country house sits on the intersection of some portal to the netherworld. But the child certainly has a way to freak me the heck out!

Holy cow.

Speaking of being a crazy however.

You know I'm somewhat of a conspiracy theorist. And if you don't already know that, just ask me my opinion on Milk or how close the end of the world is.

I know you think I'm being sarcastic.

I'll leave it at that.

Well, anyways. One of the things I've been awfully skeptical of is the H1N1 virus. Not that I don't believe it's real. Of course it's real. People really did get sick. Obviously. But It's still the flu. People die of the flue every year!

Plus, I still like to call it the Pig Flu. And if they would have kept the name Pig Flu, I think it would have terrified a LOT more people. Come on.... catching something from a Pig is wayyyy more scary than catching just a strand of the Flu. Right?

Anyways, that's my point. They were trying to terrify people into believing that this "Pandemic" was going to take out like half of the United States. They were shutting down schools and people were wearing masks.

It was out of control.

Anyways, I had heard really bad things about the vaccine. You know, it was a new vaccine, and they were having to make it in such large quantities and there was such a high demand for it that there wasn't the quality control that usually exists with vaccines. And stuff like that.

Well, I wasn't sure on my opinion on the vaccine, but every time a government official or news broadcast would break news about the whole Scare, I would roll my eyes.

And then.

And then, my mother in law had me watch this Internet video. Ok, she's totally normal. More than normal! I just need to say that! But her cousin watches all of these Jesse Ventura videos. I guess he does all of these investigative TV shows about conspiracies and weird stuff. You know Jesse right? Once a famous wrestler. Then the Governor of Minnesota. Now a legitimate journalist cracking down on the elite of society that secretly controls the world and unmasking them for who they really are. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic.)

Anyways, he had this lady on the show that used to be a practicing doctor in the States, but had to flee to South America or something because she used to be a practitioner for the extremely influential and then she found out to much and now they are trying to kill her. I mean, they even had the meeting on a runway with her planes' engine whirring in the back ground. You know, just in case she had to flee at a moments notice.

I know. It sounds totally ridiculous. More like a Robert Ludlum or Ted Bell novel than reality. And a bad one at that.

But her whole thing was that the H1N1 vaccine was actually going to kill us. We'd be fine for a while, but then we would get sick. And they were targeting the old and the young and when they started dying the rest of us would flock to the vaccine and basically we would have an I Am Legend situation at hand only with all of the elite still in charge, running the show. Whoever the Elite are that is....

I know. Sounds terrifying.

I'm not totally crazy.

I of course didn't believe her.

She's a crack pot.

But I did then have reservations about the shot that I couldn't shake.

My kids weren't getting it. Oh no.

And they didn't.

And Zach wasn't getting it. Well, Zach doesn't go to the doctor. Ever. So I didn't have to worry about him.

And I wasn't going to get it.

Oh. No.

I mean, I wasn't going to get it. That is until my freaking doctors appointment on Tuesday! Yes, that's right. I got tricked in to having the H1N1 vaccine. Tricked I tell you.

It started with the Flu Shot. The nurse asks me, do you want the flu shot? And I say yes. I don't get it any other year, because I have this whole natural medicine philosophy and as a general rule I hate taking medicine, getting shots and going to the doctors office. And I feel the same way for my children. Plus if we're always just medicating them every time they get a fever, they're never going to build up an immunity to those diseases. A fever doesn't hurt them until it gets very, very high. It's their body working like it should be to fight off infection. They're miserable, but they would be with or without medicine.

I know. Crazy.

But anyways, I always get the flu shot when I'm pregnant to protect the baby. See? I'm not totally bananas!

Plus have you ever had the flu and a moving, kicking, somersaulting baby in your stomach at the same time? I'm just going to be honest. It's awful. Terrible. Horrible.

So anyways, I assume I'm just getting the normal flu shot. She asked if I wanted the flu shot, I said yes, she gets the needle, sticks it into my arm and as she's pressing down the vaccine into my body, she says, "Oh yea, this is also the H1N1 vaccine, they're combined now."

I didn't even say anything.

How could I?

Besides, it was too late at that point and anything I would have said would have sounded certifiably insane to a health care professional!

I don't even have legitimate reasons as to why I have a gut feeling I will never give the vaccine to my kids.

I know it's crazy. I know this. But still the feelings are there and now I have the poison in my blood stream. So if something happens to me..... Let this be my confession of the events that passed.

Ok, lets move on to topics not about me being nutso. That sounds awesome.

What is this? The longest blog ever? Actually I think it is. I even took notes(Which Zach totally made fun of me for!!!) so that I would remember everything I wanted to talk about. I've got like three days worth of stuff bottled up inside!

And the kids have friends over right now so they are totally engrossed in playing with each other and they are the cutest things I've ever seen!

Anyways.

Have you noticed the obsession with God in TV shows lately? It's madness.

I mean, maybe I watch more TV than the average person, but God is every where.

Glee for starters. The whole episode was dedicated to God. And although they never really got anywhere substantial with the topic and rather focused on covering all different belief systems out there, the over all theme of God was definitely present.

The thing is, the week before covered Britney Spears. You know I love her. Like LOVE her. So the next week to go from Brit to God is a little confusing. Am I the only one that thinks this?

Plus, if I didn't know exactly what I believed in God, the episode itself would have been very confusing. As it turns out though, 15 years of Christian School and 26 and a half years in Church has definitely found me rooted in exactly, exactly what I believe in God.

But it wasn't just Glee last week.

It was Modern Family too.

Of all shows. Modern Family.

And Weeds! Although, that was technically the week before. But still about God. And even the home page of MSN today is about Church Scandals.

Which ok. Church Scandals are not the most shining moments of Christianity today. Let's categorize Pastors having affairs, Priests and Pedophilia and Applesauce Eating Cults right next to the Crusades and Slavery, lock them in a drawer and forget about them ok?

No?

Fine. But just like any institution the Church is run by humans. And unfortunately humans suck. So whether they are proclaiming Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and embezzling millions or just your average Bible Thumping Legalist who also happens to be an alcoholic, we're all human, all liable to make millions of mistakes and will all be held accountable for it in the end.

Which is exactly what I think all of these shows are waiting to hear.

It didn't matter if the episode was an hour or a half an hour, they tackled questions like, "Is there a God?" "Does He care if I live or die?" "Does He grant wishes?" "Is there a Hell?" "What's Heaven like?" "Does it matter what we do or what we say to Him?" "Why do good things happen to bad people?" and "Does God hate homosexuals?"

Seriously, those are some heavy questions for what turns out to be all comedies.....

Well, and a news page. But I guess they weren't really asking any questions.

Maybe it's a sign of the times.

If only all of those writers weren't so confused. If only they would have had my Christian School education.

Then they wouldn't need entire episodes dedicated to God, but could simply answer their questions themselves. Although they also would have never gone to Prom or had a HomeComing Court.....

Yes, God does exist. It's evident in almost everything around us. He most certainly cares if we live and die, but death is a natural but unfortunate part of life. That's why He offers life after death. No He doesn't grant wishes, but He does answer prayers, maybe not the way we always want Him to, but they are answered none the less. Yes there is a Hell. Yes there is a Heaven. And yes, they are as opposite as it gets.... It's up to us to decide where we go. Of course it matters what we say to Him and what we do. But that doesn't determine where we go. Only one question decides that answer and that is, "Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God?" Boom, that answer determines it. Good things happen to bad people because this world is flawed. Extremely flawed. And it kind of sucks. Disease, pain and suffering weren't created by God but exist none the less and they happen to everyone, not just good people. And finally no, God absolutely does not hate the gays. He loves them just like he loves every single human being. And that's really the call of all Christians too, but so many people get it wrong. Glee, Weeds, Modern Family, don't blame God for the mistakes of the Church or human beings claiming to believe in a God they've boxed into a judgmental and hateful, small person. Because He is much, much bigger than that. And much, much bigger than all of the Christian do's and don'ts, rules and regulations, stipulations and stereotypes. Those were created by people and all people, no matter what will all be held to the same standard.

Anyways, that's me waxing theologian. I'm finished. I just thought it was a weird phenomenon all of these shows were so curious about answers to God that really aren't that hard to find, you just can't listen to all of the idiots out there.....

Speaking of the Bible. We don't have any names for this boy.

The baby boy.

And that relates because any decent S names for boys tend to be Bible names. The rest suck. And Zach and I don't really like any of the Bible names either.

Do you know what that means? That means I'm stuck with the rest of the alphabet! Ahem, we are stuck witht he rest of the alphabet. I thought Zach and I would have enough problems picking out a name that starts with S. But now, because we don't like any we have 25 other letters to choose from, pretty much making this search for a name impossible.

And the more I try to discover the perfect name, the more discouraged I become. In fact, I don't even think I'm going to name this child. What's really in a name? I'm not so attached to mine. I would have been perfectly fine to go through life referred to as, "Hey you girl."

But no. I suppose we have to come up with some kind of name for this child.... But where even to start? Holy cow there's a lot of names out there.

Final thought of the day. There is a new Old Navy commercial about $16 jackets and this shirtless guy walks out with a birthday cake and smoke behind him, and there are candles but the very first image they show of this guy it literally looks like his nipples are on fire and by sparklers at that. It is super weird. And I kind of think they did it on purpose. But I'm not exactly sure what the appeal of a man's burning nipples are......