First things first.

I'm having triplets.

No, this hasn't been confirmed by the doctor. Or even anyone remotely intelligent. This is just me completely convinced that I'm having triplets.

You think I'm crazy, don't you.

Fine. Let's review the facts.

First fact. I'm HUGE. Like straight Ginormicon.

If you saw me you would totally assume January 24th was tomorrow. Not five months from now.

Second fact, and this is the most convincing. I have dreamt two nights in a row that I am pregnant with triplets!!!

You don't understand. A pregnant girl's dreams are the most vivid ever. In like the history of dreaming! (Ok, save for maybe visions from God) So you can imagine how traumatized and panic stricken I awake every morning. (Or for the last two mornings anyways!)

What if my body is trying to tell me something? Subconsciously. Like, trying to prepare me for the day my doctor listens to not one heart beat but three separate heart beats!

Third fact. When I was pregnant with both Stella and Scarlett, I dreamt they were both girls Loooooong before we found out that they were actually girls.

So you see? My dreams actually mean something!

Fourth and final fact. Stella knew before she heard anything, before we told anyone, before we even really knew ourselves that I was pregnant.

She walked straight up to me and said, "Mommy, there's a baby in your belly and it's a boy baby and a girl baby."

So see? She was calling multiples before the thought ever crossed my mind!

Yikes.

Ok, seriously, in my head I know it's impossible. Like, not actually possible in this realm of existence.

But these dreams have me totally freaked out!

The logical side of me is at war with the emotional side of me and the emotional side of me, thanks to all those damn pregnancy hormones is winning.

Ugh.

Ok and that's the other thing.


I am in a fragile state of mind. My emotions are off the chart, bordering on a psychotic and nervous breakdown!

I can't hold back the tears.

I literally cry at everything. Jokes. Emotionally Provocative Commercials. Love Songs. Break-Up Songs. Sitcoms. Dramas. Movies. Newspaper Stories. Books. Everyday Normal Conversations! It's out of control!

I talk about my kids, I cry.

I turn on the TV, I cry.

I talk to my kids, I cry.

I turn on the radio, I cry.

I cry at the new Eminem Song! The one with Rihanna. Like I ball. Why are they so mean to each other???

It's out of control. So much so, that Zach doesn't even ask what's wrong anymore! There is just a silent exchange between us. Me feeling ridiculous and him feeling skeptical that a simple pregnancy can rearrange someones emotions so drastically.

Usually I'll still get a tender(There's a little lovable sarcasm here, in case you miss it.) pat on the head and a cough of sorts of sympathy.

But he's a man. A man without, possibly, any emotions at all. When I'm weeping in the corner over the last IPhone commercial what is he supposed to do?

I don't need comfort, I need a for real dose of healthy sanity!

Sorry to unload on you. That's not even what I set out to talk about.

But I do feel that there is a moral to this story.

And the moral is: Don't have sex. Don't have sex because if you do, you will get pregnant and DIE.

That's from Mean Girls.