Ok. I'm better today.

If you didn't know I wasn't better yesterday, it's all in the random, scattered thoughts.

We were waiting on this 24 hour deadline for my Aunt. It was like if she's going to die, it's going to happen by 6 o'clock tonight. It had me like totally buggin' all day. :) But she made it through the night. And she's stable. Not better, but not worse. Which is a good thing.

I started out so positive. Like, we don't know anything, she could totally be fine. But then, yesterday morning happened and it's like, oh wait this is the worst possible stroke a person can have, there's all kinds of blood in her brain and her bp is down to 20. I mean. Scary Stuff.

I was definitely prepared to be heading up for a funeral. But it looks like we are out of those woods. Not out of the forest, but the Death Woods definitely. At least for right now.

Yikes.

I tell you what though. If there is something my family knows how to handle it's death. But it's not fun.

Obviously I guess.

The thing about death is. Is that it never gets better. It always sucks. You don't just stop loving a person because they died. In fact, you probably love them more. Death never gets easier. The pain never goes away. It's always there. The only relief you have is the more time that passes between, the less you think about the person you've lost. So maybe you cry less, but not because you couldn't cry, or wouldn't cry, but because other life has filled your brain. But given the opportunity to be reminded the pain is as fresh as it always was.

Don't believe me? Then you haven't lost someone you loved.

That sounded harsh. But it's not. It's just the truth.

Or maybe I'm just being a baby.

Anyways. I'm depressed. Geesh.

Oh, I wanted to say this yesterday, but I forgot. Ok, remember a couple days ago, when I said I wasn't being myself? Well, I had a third point to prove the whole invasion-of-the-body-snatchers-experience, but I couldn't remember it.

I remembered.

I love a Sean Kingston song. And not just any Sean Kingston song. The one he does with Justin Beiber.

I know.

Now, I like to think of myself as eclectic. But... not that eclectic. Yet here I am, I can't stop listening to it. My Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe Lover. Or however, you spell those words....

It's SO catchy.

And also embarrassing. That's not me. I don't like Justin Beiber(Sorry Miriah.). It's actually not his fault though, but every single time I hear him on the radio I have to remind myself that he's a boy. And not a girl. Because, ok, he sounds like a girl.

And I just keep waiting for him to hit puberty. But then the 11 year old that I sometimes baby sit told me he's like 17. Ok. He should have hit puberty by now. Why is he still singing in treble clef? Does he have a growth hormone deficiency?

But that song! It's just so catchy.

Also. To add to my embarrassment, I think at one point in the song, Sean Kingston sings, "Catch a Black Chic by her toe." Ummmm.... What????

I kind of feel like that's being a little bit racist. Because what about White Chics? Or Mexican or Puerto Rican or Moroccan or whatever. I'm just saying.

Plus who really phrases it as "Black Chic." It sounds so pig-headed and ignorant.

Yet there I go, every time, turning up the radio and singing along. Ok, not to that part. I can't make myself. And I, me, myself, I roll my eyes at myself every time too because it's so ridiculous.

I can't help it. I love it. I'm like this 12 year old girl waiting for N'Sync to have a reunion tour and still in love with JTT. Yea, I said it. JTT. Somebody told me he was gay now. I don't know if that's true or not. They might have just still held some junior high resentment for the kid.

Who knows.

Also I am still allergic to the sun! What is up with that? It kind of sucks. I mean seriously. I walk into the sun, and I get instant hives. Even if it's semi-cloudy. This is going to be a looooong summer if I keep it up. I'm going to end up as a total recluse. Awesome. Or my night life is going to have get a lot more exciting. Like mid-night grocery shopping and 3 am trips to the gym.

Good thing I go to 24 hour fitness.