The Ugly Blogling

Ok, so today is an Ugly Day for me.

Hey, I think we all need them. I can't look perfect all of the time. Ok, let's fact it. My non-ugly days may be up for debate, but Ugly Day's happen to be exactly what they sound like.

Scrubby clothing.

Greasy hair.

No make-up.

And a general aura of I've-given-up-world-just-try-to-make-me-care-today-and-see-what-happens!

So, here I am ugly as can be. Not to mention I did spend a few minutes and scrubbed my face clean, but now the moisturizer has left me looking especially degenerate.

Everybody needs these days. Everybody.

But having an Ugly Day is not just about looking ugly. I mean, it kind of encompasses the entire activity of the day. Such as we know for a fact I will not be running any errands, or going out to lunch, or even going to the grocery store which is a trip I kind of desperately need to make. I will not have anyone over. Not even the in-laws or a homeless person. I will not answer the door for anyone, I may not even answer my phone, the person on the other side just might be able to hear how ugly I am.

Ok, and I should clarify. There are degrees of Ugly Days. Like, if I'm showered and clean but still wearing sweats, then that's called a Scrub Day.

If I am planning on taking a shower later, but have house work to do, that is called a Work Day.

If I just haven't found the desire to get dressed during the day and am still in my pajamas, that is called a Pajama Day, or a Lazy Day depending on if you ask me or Zach.

All of those days are still worthy of a run to the store, or the bank, or even an invited sister-in-law.

Today is the bottom of the Totem Pole Day. The Scrub of all Scrub Days. The Home-Maker's Apocalypse. Today is embarrassing.

Utterly. Embarrassing.

And it should be. Hopefully I have enough self-respect to be ashamed of the way I look, because let's be honest folks, it's pretty scary.

I mean I have some pretty awful sweats, bad enough that Zach threatens to take me shopping every time I wear them, but if he saw me today, we're talking a pre-paid american express card and a full tank of gas to get me to the mall. Or a divorce. Which ever one he sees as less hopeless.

So, today of all days is trash day.


First of all, I hate taking out the trash. Hate it.

This falls strictly into man territory for me.

Call me sexist, fine. Old fashioned, fine. I am not a revolutionized woman, fine. I am terribly un-evolved. Women have their places. And men have theirs: Lightbulbs, Trash and Killing Bugs.

I'll take care of the rest of the home.

But as it turns out, Zach works for a living. Boo. So more often than not, he forgets or runs out of time in the morning, or gets the cans out, but doesn't get a chance to empty the bags from the house.

So, looking like I do today, which we have established is fairly horrid, I had to still take out the trash. I mean, seriously, you can't let a diaper pale sit for more than a week unless you want the EPA knocking at your, door wearing hazmat suits, waving a warrant and questioning the "Suspicious Smell" the neighbors have been complaining about.

So Trash Day being symbolic for the way I look, out the garage I go with my arms laden with smelly garbage.

No big deal right? I mean, from the safety of the garage to the end of the driveway, I can go the way I am. I'm dealing with trash anyways.


Wrong. (Charlie Murphy Style.)

There I am dragging out the trash cans and collecting the recycling. Yes, the recycling, don't act so surprised. Ok granted there are times when I purposefully throw away old apple juice containers and soda cans just to spite Global Warming, but overall I am a good person people. Just believe.

Anyways, there I am dealing with the trash, and juggling cardboard boxes when my neighbor comes over. And not just my neighbor, but her mother-in-law as well, who happens to be a very old friend of the family.

And she just doesn't want to say hello.

Oh no.

She wants to talk. And get caught up. And oh my word, well first I should say that it was really good to see her, but oh my word I looked like one hot mess.

Today of all days is not about catching up with old friends, or being an active part of society. Today is about being invisible. About relishing in the ugly that I am capable of and cleaning my house. Today is about seeing just how long I can go before I have to hop in the shower for an emergency clean up right before Zach gets home. Today is about scaring the dirt and dust right into that Swiffer and no deodorant and stubble.

Does that gross you out?

It should. That is the whole point of today.

But now I've been spotted.

If this were an episode of Gossip Girl this would be my dramatic and terrible social end because the picture of me taking out the trash would have already been sent to the rest of the world.

Thank goodness it's not. Thank goodness for small miracles.

Just kidding.

But seriously, Ugly Day has been compromised.

What I should really do is shower, put some eye-liner on and then go apologize to them for their future sessions of therapy.

The worst part of all is that I'm not finished. Oh boy. Those poor little elementary school kids when we take AJ to school. My over sized sunglasses only hide a small portion of what is surely to give those little children nightmares.

So, since this is the National Day of Prayer, you guys better send up a little one for Jocelyn Elementary and the soon to be image of Freddy Kruegar visiting them around 1:00 PM today.


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