Oh boy. I know. It's totally been a while. These last two weeks have been the most inconsistent of my life!

I'm a schedule girl. I have one. I stick to one. I practically write one every day for myself.

Yet here I am, living in bazzaro world, where nothing happens like it's supposed to and then suddenly it's 11 PM and I can't keep my eyes open anymore.

In other words. I've been working.

Like full time.

Geesh. I don't know how people do it. You know? Work full time jobs.

Sorry, I like nap time. I mean, not just for the kids. But for me. Well, either for napping. Or catching up on my DVR.

I like being able to do whatever I want with my children and not feel like I need to be 100% the perfect day care provider 100% of the time!

Enough complaining. I know. Ok, I don't want to hear the "It's tough to be a stay at home mom speech either." Although, seriously, if you're judging me, just try it. I'll even loan you my kids for the day. Ha.

But seriously, I have no room to complain because after this week I pretty much think I'm unemployed. Yep. All of the kids are gone for the summer. And since we are moving this summer(No. Not to a house. Renting won the battle. And go ahead judge me for that, but I have plenty of peace of mind and a game plan ahead, not to mention the fact that the decision is behind me!) I don't know what my fall will look like.

I think I'm just crabby because of this weekend. This is going to sound so stupid because most people love three day weekends. I'm certainly going to love having Zach home for three days straight! Recently his weekends have been restricted to Sundays and sometimes even half days then.

But it's one of those weekends where I have to go to the cemetery.

You know. Memorial day? My dad was a vet. So I have to go do the whole flowers thing.

Wait. Stop. Before you go all gasping judgemental on me. Let me explain.

Going to the cemetery is just the worst. I know my dad isn't there. I know he's not waiting for me in some spirit form hoping I'll show up to honor his memory.

In fact, if you knew my dad you would realize that he would actually think the whole thing was a big waste of time.

But still I have to go.

Not because someone is standing over me making me go, and like I said, my dad would have prefer ed me to stay at home anyways.

But it's like that schedule thing. I have to go Memorial Day. Just like I have to go on Father's Day. His Birthday. And sometimes I try to go on the anniversary of his death, but that's the day after Christmas and if you're snowed in and it's impossible to drive a car anyways, the trip thus then becomes impossible.

Also. I'm not heartless. In fact, it's the opposite. I still care too much. It's been almost five years. Move on already. Right? Except that..... it's not that easy.

Plus, what do you get a dead guy?

Flowers have always seemed ridiculous to buy for a man. Especially a dead one. Especially one who would have thought flowers were the worst kind of ridiculousness.

He's in a better place. He has to be SO grateful to not go through all of this crap.

Speaking of death. Ok, you know how they say death comes in threes? Like, you never hear about one person dying, it always ends up being three?

Well, I'm starting to believe that's the case for ALL things! Like, all problems anyways.

Like, losing your job. I didn't technically lose my job. I mean, I wasn't fired. Families just don't need the same kind of help in the summer and AJ is moving on to kindergarten. Same with Jess. But still I find myself practically unemployed.

My father in law was laid off on Monday. No warning. Barely any severance. Just a thank you very much, move along now type deal. Bastards.

And now a good friend of the family, Katie was let go. I think her company is in serious trouble. But still, a girl's got to eat.

I mean, seriously, Monday did the Recession suddenly decide to hit Omaha?. Like, early Monday morning the first Greyhound bus of the day pulled into town and off walked The Recession, carrying a brown leather suitcase and smoking a cigarette. "Well, hello Omaha, It's time we finally got acquainted."

Ugh. I'll be fine. Somebody seriously always needs daycare.

But I worry about others.

Ok, and then there is this baby thing going around. I've heard two different stories, which I will not share on here, because it's not my place. But yikes. I mean, kind of scary stuff. And I'm just waiting for the third ball to drop.

Believe me, I get that I'm totally superstitious. You don't ever have to tell me to knock on wood(Please, please, please have the Mighty Mighty Bosstones stuck in your head now! Cause I know some one who has, And I know it isn't good!), (Ok, that was cruel. I apologize.), I will not walk under a latter and don't even get me started on black cats.

Oh, I just learned another one. When you are drinking with a group of people and everyone moves to Cheers, if you do not look somebody in the eye while you do it, you will have bad sex for seven years.

Ok, it doesn't have to be the person you are sleeping with, just a person in the eyes. And it sounds like a pretty bad judgement, so I think it's worth it to totally seek out that other pair of sparkly blues.

I told some of our friends that I learned this from the Real Housewives of New York City, but that was a lie. I remembered wrong. It was actually from Top Chef Masters and that's a WAY more credible source!

Haha.

Ugh. That blog was depressing. Like Maja(Think Posh Spice) Depressing.

So I'll leave you with a funny story. And a little dedication to Hilary.

So, first I just need you to remember when Chinese restaurants served Tea with their meals. Some still do? I mean nicer ones than China Buffet. But do you remember the little pots of tea they would bring out before your meal? Ok. Think on that.

This one time I was in Hong Kong. We were on our way to Sri Lanka. Hilary, This other girl, I can't think of her name and it's driving me nuts! It's starts with an S. Sierra. Sienna. S..... Ok, anyways, and me. OMG. What is her name.

Ok, anyways, we were sight seeing in Hong Kong having an amazing time! We hit up the Hong Kong Starbucks(Super posh by the way), we visited some Temples and Ancestor Prayer Sights, we walked everywhere, admiring the Bamboo scaffolding and the different architecture and Jackie Chans picture literally everywhere(I'm not kidding when we stepped off of the plane in Hong Kong there was a life size cut out of the man that said, "Jackie Chan Welcomes You!") and then it was time to eat.

So around the city we went. Through rice markets and fish markets and in and out of probably ten restaurants hoping to find something good to eat. We even sat down at an Egyptian Restaurant that I thought looked totally awesome, but the other girls decided it wasn't "authentic" enough and so off we went.

I mean, seriously we're in Hong Kong, where's the Chinese Food?

So finally we turn down this one street and we are starving by this point. Starving! And all of these Chinese ladies run out of this restaurant beckoning us with their arms and waving us inwards to the delicious aromas of their restaurant.

Obviously this is a sign from God. I mean, we had been wandering the streets now for hours in search of food. Or at least an hour. And we were hungry. And God provided. He gave us a clear and obvious sign. Follow it, we must.

In we go to the long cafeteria style lunch tables. Where instantly we are brought glasses of water and glasses of tea. Or of what we think is tea.

I mean, this is a Chinese restaurant right? Obviously they serve tea. We know. Because we've totally been to King Fongs in Omaha. Ok.

Sarah? No..... Sabrina???? I'm getting closer... I can feel it.

Oh geez. Hilary where are you when I need you!

Anyways. We order our food and the waitresses are doting on us. Like for real, there are four or five surrounding us. They take our drink orders and food orders, helping us order and off they go into the kitchen. Leaving us to our thirst.

What do we do?

Of course we try the tea! Are you kidding me? Authentic Chinese tea? How awesome is that.

But then again, why is it luke warm? And not served in tea cups?

What do we know? We're just stupid Americans.

So on we go, sipping our tea. Hilary loves this stuff. She finishes her full glass and moves on to..... Sa... Sa.... Something-0r-the-others and has hers half gone. I'm half way through mine, thinking, this is not nearly as good as I hoped it would be.

Out comes our food. But instead of doting this time, the Chinese women somehow disappear quickly, leaving us totally to our solitude.

No other Chinese people will sit near us. Or even look at us.

As we begin to eat, I remember something cultural I had heard about Asian Eating and decide to share it with the rest of the girls.

Don't ever leave your chopsticks in the middle of your food or on your plate while you are eating because that is like telling the person across from you that you wish them dead.

Being the totally culturally astute students we were, the last thing we wanted to do was offend anyone, so we began to search for a place for our chopsticks.

We couldn't leave them on our plates, not even just next to the food. We couldn't hold them the entire time, we were finding that impossible. We couldn't set them down on the table because it was making a huge mess, besides who knew what they used to clean the table, right?

Wait a second. I studied Cultural Anthropology. I was an Intercultural Studies Major. Duh. For real duh. All I have to do, is lift my eyes and observe those around me. What do they do with their chopsticks? How do other Chinese people use both hands in between bites of rice and what we hope is seriously chicken?

So, up my eyes went. Out of our little circle of American Ignorance, scanning the room for hopeful signs of the correct cultural way to deal with the dirty chopsticks.

And what I found, was both disturbing, and well really disturbing.

They had never given us tea.

The cups, of brown liquid, we were naive enough to assume was tea, was in fact a place holder for dirty chopsticks.

What was once maybe a clear liquid, maybe not, had been turned brown through out the day from the multiple sets of chopsticks and soy sauce other customers had been using.

The tea we were taking down as an authentic cultural experience was in fact probably the dirtiest liquid available be to us, save straight up sewage.

The Chinese women had deserted us because they were too ashamed to tell us the truth.

The guests had shunned us because of the whole saving face thing.

And we were left there worried about AIDS and Hepatitis!

Oh my word. Poor Hilary. The girl actually liked the stuff.

I told this story to a woman from Hong Kong a while back and she about had a heart attack. She could not believe we didn't die.

I can't believe it either. Then again, after I got back from that trip I did almost die.

My mom however blames that solely on my nose ring. Which is an entirely different story. One, I'll probably tell you sometime. But that takes some serious guts.