Blog Pain

I think I broke my back last night(Actually, I think I broke it a couple of nights ago, trying to help by much larger brother inside the house after he enjoyed himself a lot, I mean, really enjoyed himself at a Wedding he went to on Saturday..... But that's a different story, for a different time.). I mean, not for real, but kind of for real. I can't really move today. Or at all. I'm actually having trouble sitting in this chair to type. But I am determined to because eventually it will stretch itself out.


I mean, of course it will. I have to remind myself that its like this every morning. I wake up Petrified. Yes, like in the Harry Potter movies. I am totally stiff and cannot move one single muscle and then through out the morning, I gradually loosen up and can move around.

But this morning feels especially bad. Ugh.

Or maybe I'm just tired and want to complain about it. Who knows.

I will tell you this though (Get ready for a change in direction. I started typing this sentence and even surprised myself, so I think you should have fair warning.) it is like a wildlife safari in my backyard.

I don't know if I've just never noticed animals in the early morning because frankly I hate animals... and the morning, I can't really see in the morning and I'm probably the most unobservant person I know, or if it's because of our long, bare winter when the only animals I saw for like six months were the mice that moved in with us!

Which by the way, are still not gone. Those tricky little bastards. And I mean bastards. And I mean tricky. I'm ready to Bug Bomb the place.

Does that work?


Anyways, so my backyard is this serious scene from Bambi. There's an owl in one of our trees explaining twitterpation(I'm actually taking notes, because I'm not entirely sure I understand it. We didn't have Sex Ed at my school growing up....) and there are little Thumpers running around, Bambi sans his mom(Don't cry, it happened over the winter and we've all moved on.) and then there is good old Flower, ready to make my nose bleed.

Seriously though, have you ever smelled skunk like up close?

Ugh, we used to have this dog, Sam. Sam was this GINORMOUS(Just so you know how big.) black lab. He was huge. Ok, the sweetest, most lovable dog you could have ever met, but terrible. I mean, he would eat everything. Everything.

One time he ate an entire bowl of Halloween candy, wrappers and all. Another time he dug raw pork chops out of the sink that they were thawing in and ate them, bones and all. Another time, he broke a Correlle(That's right, Correlle) plate and ate it. He bore through dry wall.

Obviously, he was a bad dog.

And he loooooooved skunks. Like loved them. Loved to hunt them, loved to eat them, and secretly I think, loved to be sprayed by them. Because he would always come home smelling like sulfur and death, kind of like the Apocalypse. And we would have to live with that smell. Oh my word. This could be why I hate animals so much. And my parents would have to give him baths in like vinegar and tomato juice.

It was awful.

And that is why I believe, to this day, that Bambi is a totally unrealistic portrayal of wildlife.

Yes, that is the only reason.

Except for today. When it is happening in my backyard.

Ok, so second cup of coffee and I promise to have coherent, clear, thoughts. I know, these last few days have been totally ramblings of a crazy person. Yikes.

So, I got this new phone.

Well, it's not just any phone. I mean, it's kind of an Iphone.

I know, right?

It totally feels too nice for me. Like, I feel like a poser carrying it around.

Fine, I'll tell the truth, half the time I feel like a poser, the other half I feel like the queen of the world. (But that's more than just the phone, that's like an every day situation for me... so....)

But ok. My old phone was broken. And it had been broken for a long time. But it was getting really, really bad. Like, I would call people and they could hear me, but I couldn't hear them. It would constantly say "call failed" when I would try to dial. Plus, the way it was broken, it would never let me look up a number. I wouldn't get half of the text messages that were sent to me. I would send my text messages twice. I would miss phone calls, and then the next phone call it would answer itself. It was pretty bad. And only getting worse.

My new phone renewal though, wasn't up until like October. Or November I can't remember. So we were looking at a long way out.

But because Zach loves me. Or he was simply tired of hearing me complain about my broken phone. Or he was tired of watching me try to use it and get frustrated. He called A T and T and demanded a new one!

Actually he calmly and respectfully put in a request. And Voila, they granted it.

So about a week ago, my broken phone really stopped working. Like, it said emergency calls only. And I was freaking out. Like, oh no, I have forever to wait for a new one, what am I going to do....

So I get home, and I start ranting to Zach. I am seriously in freak out mode. (Over a phone? I know. It's sad. But it had been a long day.)

Anyways, he says, "Here, give it to me, I'll fix it."

So, I hand over my phone and go deal with the kidlets. He yells at me a few seconds later and says, "I fixed it."

I say something along the lines of, "Oh thank God, you're a genius!"

But then, when I walk over to where he set it, I find out that he didn't actually fix my phone but even better replaced it with a pink and black Iphone. My faves.

Oh also, he was the reason my old phone was for real broken, because he had obviously switched the service.

I was ecstatic. I mean, who wouldn't be.

But now, a week and a half later, I am realizing the Iphone wasn't really made for people like me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT. But, I also look like an Ogre using it. I'm all trying to text on the touch screen with my monster fingers. I look like Andre The Giant(RIP) pounding away on a miniature typewriter.

Also, there are wayyyy too many features for me to understand. I mean, sweet features, but complex features as well.

The phone is basically smarter than me.

I think the Iphone is the beginning of the Machine Revolution. You know, when robots take over the world and enslave the humans.

Listen, I've seen IRobot(Name coincidence? I don't think so.) I know what those sneaky little robots are up to.

And since the closest thing we have to Robots in today's day and age is the Roomba and that thing that performs surgery's that totally freaks me out. I'm going to say our Mechanical Coup is going to come from Macintosh.

(For all of you uber nerds out there, I realize there is more robot technology, but since I don't watch Modern Weapons, I don't really know what they are.)

Anyways, the phone has also taken over my life. I've totally become one of those people I hate. You know, always checking their phone, playing games constantly, flipping through pages with just a wave of my thumb.

Yep. I'm obsessed.

And we all know what happens to you after you become obsessed with the Iphone.

Yea, I know. You become one of those people that carry canvas bags to the grocery store and eat Tofu and love Al Gore.


See, the Revolution has already begun.

At least I can blame this one on my husband.

Or say Thank You. Whichever one I feel he deserves more. :)


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