Those two.... They're just so, so, what's the word... irritating?

I think that was actually the nice way of saying it.

And I used to love them! Like love them. I thought they had a great dynamic, I thought they really cared about their family. I thought, rather naively, they actually loved each other.

Turns out... not so much.

Those poor children.

Poor Kate.

In the end, Poor Jon, because he's going to end up, sad, alone, ugly and regretting every stupid decision he made.

But that brings me to my point, or at least one of my points. Nobody likes an angry woman.

I don't know how long that saying has been around, but my guess is like before Adam and Eve.

How true is that statement? Nobody likes an angry woman, not even other women. I can for sure testify to that. Have you seen the woman screaming about her order being wrong at the restaurant. I mean what do we all do? We roll our eyes and snicker to each other. That is unless that woman is us. Then we are completely justified and everybody better watch out. OR unless there is a mob of woman, who have all of the same grievances. Then instead of irritation, we feel fear. And rightly so.

As a woman however, I feel the statement and sentiment that goes along with it are somewhat unjustified.

Right?


I mean, if a man is chronically angry, what do people feel? How do people react? Healthy fear, motivation, intrigue. I mean, an angry man walks into the room, people snap to attention, drop everything and accommodate the jerk. We assume he is important, busy, even justified.(Well, at least as long as he is dressed decently, the wild haired, plumber pants wearing, sleeveless NASCAR t-shirt at MacDonald's screaming about his Big Mac bun tasting funny might be the exception to the rule.). We excuse his behavior because he is a man. Because he is a man. That is our reason.

Sexism? Yes, please.

It kind of sucks. Right? Men don't see it at all. At all. A woman is angry, they feel the right/need to comment on what a nag, what a bitch, or my personal favorite(Or if you can hear the sarcasm my most hated, least, absolutely loathed favorite) crazy. Do not call a woman crazy around me.

Sure it's fun to joke about it. If you're a woman. I call myself crazy all of the time. But do not get into a fight with me, where I am totally justified to be mad and then say to me, "You're acting crazy right now."

I mean, unless you would truly like to see me act crazy.

That's like my crazy button, push it and you better buckle up.

And I feel the need to defend any other woman that that phrase is said about.

Like the movie, Knocked Up. Have you seen it? I hope so because I'm not going to explain it, I'm actually trying not to ramble, on and on and on.. You get the picture. So, I've seen the movie with several different groups of men, and at the end when Katherine Heigel and Seth Rogan are fighting, what is the first thing out of any mans mouth? "What a B. She is crazy. She is a nag. I would never put up with that."

I don't even like Katherine Heigel, but I do feel the need to stand up for her. Really? You don't think this has anything to do with Seth Rogan? He's not at fault here at all? Umm..... Look at him. Just take a moment and look at where he lives, who he lives with and what his job is. Just one second.

I know, I'm getting back on board the crazy train again. I'll slow down.

My point is, no matter the scenario, no matter the gender, we all find angry women the worst kind of trouble.

Yesterday, I was that angry woman. My blog=totally crazy. I don't discount buying a house. I totally get the value in it. Owning a home is one of the singular most, proud moments in a persons life.

What happened was, I had a terrible, stressed out morning. And I took that out on home-owners.

I think my points are still valid, but for the sake of political correctness, maybe they should have been scaled back.. oh... a few decimals of insanity.

And Zach and I are still looking to buy a house, but the point was we are doing research on both sides of the aisle. We are looking at our life and deciding what is best for us today and the near future. There is always time in the future for us to buy a house. We are trying to come around to the best decision for us as a family.

I'm trying to look outside of myself and evaluate whether this is logic talking or fear. We all know I am like the most fearful child on the planet. A total Panaphobic. So which is it that's holding me back?

Really if you know, please enlighten me. I'm open for suggestions!

And then of course there's that all-confusing, all-mysterious, all-uncertain thing called God's will. Sure, sure, there's the Bible for guidance, and sure, sure, there's that Glorious Holy Spirit. But what about a signed letter of confirmation, telling me I'm making the right decision? Yes, from God. Hmmm...?

Don't take my sarcasm too seriously, as Zach always reminds me when I gasp at his outrageous "Christian" jokes, "God has a sense of Humor Rachel, if He didn't, we wouldn't have one either." Thank you, Bible Scholar Zach. And thank you Christian School.

But, he is right.

And don't get me wrong, I totally, utterly believe with child-like faith that God is 100% and more, Sovereign. Here's my dilemma though.

Looking back at my life, every step of the way, I see the sovereign path God laid out before me. Ok, but retrospect is 20/20. There's no confusion looking backwards. There's only confusion looking forward.

So my question is, Did God, predestine every step, every decision, every event that has happened up until this point and I, although acting on free will, took them without prior knowledge of his perfect plan?

OR.

Did I take steps blindly, willfully choosing the path I would take and all of the mistakes, and hurt that came along with it; and God, in His infinite grace and mercy, miraculously worked beyond my human failings and faults to get me to where I am today?

I like to believe that it was a little bit of both. That I am both flawed, hopelessly, even so He has a divine and immaculate plan for me, predestined from before the heavens were even created.

Still... that doesn't exactly tell me what to do now.

And buying a house seems far off, at least today. That seems light years away. My mind is focused on today and a sick baby girl and a husband with an enormous decision to make(I'll tell you more about it after he makes it.). I don't know.

I do know that I didn't mean to bash home-owners. And I didn't mean to seem as though I completely discount buying a home altogether. I did mean to say that it is a huge, life-changing, life-style-altering decision that I don't know if I'm(You know me, the child trapped in a woman's body, the adolescent playing make believe with somebody else's family?) ready. We're definitely weighing both options, doing our research and taking our time(Three years time to be exact.). But a decision will be made in the next couple of months here.

After my sick child is better. And after, I haven't been cleaning up puke for the whole morning. So never fear, I will put the crazy away and save my angry rants for another day. Because like it or not, I am a woman and with that comes a certain capability of crazy.

Deal with it.