Ok. I have small pox.

Fine, I'm being over dramatic.

I don't have small pox. I have chicken pox.

I am a grown woman walking around with Chicken Pox, and believe me, it's not pretty.

It's a freaking pain in my neck. Literally. Even my neck itches.

From ankles to neck, and from fingertip to the other freaking finger tips, I have this God-forsaken rash covering my skin.

Gross you say?

Yea, no kidding.

It's a little embarrassing to say the least. Thankfully, I have only one long sleeve shirt to cover the splotchiness up. Yep, that was sarcastic.

I'm like a victim of a plague. Or a curse. Or an old-school-Western-pox.

I walk into the grocery store and you can see all of the cashiers standing in huddled bunches, whispering together, "That's her. She has the Pox."

Or another scenario, someone who hates me, like an old rivalry or someone I would never expect, has this little voodoo doll in their basement with a lock of my frizzy, thick, crazy hair pinned to the head, with eyes stitched like x's, totally performing some witch-doctory to it so that I suffer, dancing around in circles and chanting some scary, satanic chant.

Or my favorite scenario(ahem, sarcasm), I am being smited. That's right, by God. For what? I don't know, let's review past smitings....

I could be persecuting the Jews(See Egyptians or Nazis). Not likely.

I could be performing all types and manners of lude acts and Sodomy(See Sodom and Gomorrah). More likely, but I'm not. I promise.

I could be standing in the way of the Jewish takeover(See Jericho. Also, did you like my descriptive words of the fulfillment of God's Promise? Jewish Takeover. Moses should have thought about that.) Ok, but for real. I'm not.

I could be lying to the church about my offering(See Ananias and Sapphira). But since my church going is minimal that can't be it.

Or maybe we just got to the bottom of the riddle.

No.......

So let's move on from Bible Trivia. I feel like I'm back in OCA elementary chapel and in two minutes I'm going to have to pull my Bible out, put my hands on either side and prepare for a Sword Drill.

If you don't know what that is, then you didn't go to Christian School. And that's not a bad thing. :)

Just kidding(But only because I know my mom reads my blog).

Ok, so if this rash is not a Plague Of Biblical Proportions, it has to be Chicken Pox.

Right? There is no other logical explanation.

Oh wait, I've already had chicken pox. And I'm an adult. And I would be the most negligent person alive since I have a daycare in my house and have been everywhere from restaurants, to grocery stores, to dance, to church and around the world and back with this P.O.S. of a rash.

I could have Scabies. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I mentally and physically reject the idea of having Scabies. I keep my house and all surrounding areas spotless clean, most of the time. And even if I let it go an extra week without cleaning, it's still wayyyy to clean to have gotten dirty enough to involve Scabies. And if you think Scabies works in a different way, then I reject your way of thinking. It is most definitely, under no circumstances Scabies. (Yes, Stella did have Scabies. But Stella is a child and she plays in all sorts of places that could carry a potential outbreak of Scabies. I doubt the Mall or Burger King really pay too much attention to the small cleaning details of their respective play places. And since I'm not crawling through tunnels and laying in ball pits, I'm not at risk.)

Fine. I'll calm it down. Whew. Sorry about that.

So that leaves an allergic reaction. Which also means I can call it Hives, which sounds SO much better than a rash.

I mean seriously, what is the first thing that comes to mind when any person says rash?

As a mother, my mind immediately goes to Diaper. As in Diaper Rash.

Pretty sure I don't have that.

After that I go to, because I had an awesome Sex Education Experience at OCA(Or none at all.) I go to STD.

And I am more than confident I don't have that. You can just take my word here. No use, laying out an argument.

So I'm allergic. To something.......

I don't know what it is. Clearly. Because if I would have figured it out by now, I totally would not still be suffering. Geez, Louise.

I don't know. Who does know?

I've changed my body wash. I've changed my detergent. My bounce sheets. I've changed my sheets. My moisturizer. I've inspected my diet. I can't figure it out.

It could be my nose ring. I am totally allergic to Gold. Like any kind of gold; cheap gold, expensive gold, white gold, yellow gold. It doesn't matter, I'm physically allergic to all of it. Which is one of the reasons I can't wear my wedding ring, because I break out like this.

My nose ring is white gold though, but I haven't thought it's ever bothered me. I won't be taking it out though, so it doesn't matter. I will just plain suffer with it.

Hopefully, I will learn to stop complaining, but I can't make any promises. If you read my blog you understand that I am a bit of a complainer.

So I will just have to keep problem solving. I know that you're thinking I could probably go to the doctor..... and you're probably right. But I'm stubborn. And bound and determined to self diagnose myself, so stay tuned.

Now that I have totally and utterly grossed you out, who wants to go to lunch?

Lol. It's not contagious.

Ok, at least I don't think it is.

No, stop. It's not. Because then my kids would be totally infested. And Zach for sure would be itching and scratching as bad as I am. So it's not.

Let's not dwell on this anymore. Have a happy and rash-less Saturday.