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I got a full night's sleep last night!

Like, a whole 8 hours. And it is amazing what a difference that makes! Suddenly, the sun is shining(Ok, shining-ish... It's a little gloomy out there still), the snow is melted(almost 100%, a day I never thought would come) and I feel like I'm going to make it through the day and not slip into a slumber coma at any moment.

Wow. Today I feel like myself again. Ditzy-optimistic-glass-is-half-full-naive-overjoyed-self.

And thank God, because I do not do pessimist well. Like not at all. With me, it's more than the worst is about to happen. When I'm down in the dumps the apocalypse is always on it's way; and not just the happy(Happy I suppose is a relative term) Christian version, where all of the Christians are raptured into God's loving Arms. No, we're talking about the like everybody-dies-slow-and-painful-deaths scenario.

Trust me, nobody likes Sad-Rachel.

But no worries, because at least for right now, this moment, before Scarlett wakes up with her sore tooth, I am high on life(I actually hate that phrase, like you have no idea. But I couldn't think of another one. So deal.)


There is some bad news though.

Do you realize that even if you're still in a good mood, you still have to be an adult?

Ok. I didn't. I always feel like my tough decisions, my overwhelming issues, other people's hard times, all of that are directly correlated to my exhaustion, and depression.

As it turns out, they're not so much directly related as the fact that they always, always exist.

And in my opinion, good mood or bad, that sucks. Like, really sucks. (Just because I have to make adult decisions, does not mean I have to talk like an adult. Don't judge me.)

I hate making any decisions. Like ANY. I am not that girl who knows what she wants and goes out and gets it no matter what. I'm not. There are some things I would like to have, but usually, it's more of a "If it happens, it happens," kind of vibe.

In social circumstances, I just sit back, praying somebody else knows what they want to do, because I am pretty sure I'm clueless.

The most terrifying question in the world to me is, "Where do you want to go for dinner."

Yikes. Um.... The Gas Station? I see one, it's right over there.

Like seriously, I have no idea. EVER.

With clothes, if I actually do break down and buy something, I usually take it back.. 2 or 3 times. And I'm never happy until it's black. I try to branch out, I try to look at other colors, but the truth is, I love black. (The point there, was that I'm very indecisive about what even to buy and so I rarely go out shopping because I hate to make those kind of decisions.)

It feels like, in the last several weeks, Zach and I have been forced to make some pretty serious decisions, like course of life decisions. And for a girl, who sucks at picking a value meal off of the drive-thru-menu, deciding whether Zach should stay at his current job or take another job offer just isn't that easy to do.

He decided to stay by the way. What can I say? We love Greenlife.

But it was a really, really, really hard decision. And I am just trusting God's Sovereignty that we made the right choice, because really. How are you supposed to know those things?

And now we have to make a decision about a house. To rent? Or to buy? I know, I've already had this discussion with you, but that doesn't mean I've stopped thinking about it. And either way, I feel like I'm not going to comfortable with either decision.

If I buy, will I be able to handle the stress? Or will I keel over from a heart attack? Hmm....

If I rent, will I feel like a social failure? Will I feel like I can't get it together enough to buy a house?

I feel way to young to have to make these kinds of decisions. As Kramer puts it, maybe I have a Peter Pan Complex. Afraid to grow up, afraid to deal with the reality of life.

I mean, I don't think that's what it is. I've dealt with several pretty harsh realities already. But maybe I'm also, just in denial. Who knows.

What I do know, is that it's not just me. I am surrounded by friends who are going through the same tough thought processes as Zach and me.

And in reality, much worse.

I look around at all of my sweet, young friends and think why do they have to make this decision? Why do they have to carry this burden? What was wrong with childish naivety?

What's that saying?

Ignorance is Bliss. And that's the truth. Ignorance is Bliss.

But no. We just had to grow up. Become adults. Some quicker than others. And it doesn't seem fair.

I know the other saying to: Life isn't fair. Thank you mother, for quoting that to me like every single day of my life! But still, it doesn't make whining it out loud in a cry of frustration with true emotion any less satisfying!

Anyways. I was in a good mood today, remember?

So I'll leave you with this and hopefully didn't ruin your day with the reality of how sucky this world can be.

So last night, Zach and I went to bed extra early. I mean, seriously early. And Zach was flipping through Netflix on his Xbox trying to figure out what to watch.

He stops on Dick Van Dyke and pushes play. Now, I think that show is as funny as the next person, but it's the second time we've watched it this week and it's in black and white. Usually he complains about anything not in HD or Blue Ray and so his selection confused me a little bit.

I began to ask some questions. Like, did you watch this as a kid? What's your fascination with old TV shows? Stuff like that. When all of a sudden it comes out.

Mary Tyler Moore walks on to the screen and Zach blurts out, "She's so hot."

What? Seriously? You have a celebrity crush on old-school-black-and-white Mary Tyler Moore?

I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not the jealous type and it certainly could be worse, like Megan Fox or something.

But huh. Mary Tyler Moore.

Who knew?


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1 comment:

  1. i love dick van dyke and mary tyler moore. and many other old nick at nite shows. do you find it disturbing that shows like boy meets world and home improvement are on nick and nite now? cause i for sure do.