Blog and Shine

Oy. I am sleepy this morning.

It could be because Stella woke up in the middle of the night and came into bed with us. She then did not go back to sleep but sat there, and tossed and turned and stared at me. Ok, nobody can sleep when someone else is staring at you. It's impossible! I could feel her watching me and it totally freaked me out.

But, here's the thing. I don't really function in the middle of the night. I don't have thoughts that makes sense. And I certainly don't problem solve and worry that something is wrong. I mean those wise pieces of information do no even attempt to enter my brain until I've had at least two cups of coffee.

I wouldn't know what to do with them if they did. I'd be confused and walking in circles. I'd totally go crazy, and this time for real. Suffice it to say, it would not be pretty.

Whenever I finally realize my children are sick, and I take them to the doctor, the nurses are always like, "Have you tried Tylenol?" And I always have to respond, "No, I haven't. Actually, I never even thought to give them Tylenol." They always give me this certain type of look, like, "You're child's in pain, she kept you up all night and you never thought to give them Tylenol? You are totally crazy." Yep, those kind of looks.

So, now that I'm awake, ok, kind of awake.... working on getting awake. Fine. I am drinking coffee and hoping and praying that it's enough to wake me up!

Anyways, now I'm starting to worry that something is wrong. Like she's sick or something. She doesn't ever come to be with us before 6:30 AM and even then it's only because there is no way, on God's green earth that I am going to get up that early with her. There's just no way. And she certainly doesn't lie awake for hours through the night just because she can. The girl loves her sleep as much as I do.

So we'll see. She's sleeping right now. Thankfully! Except poor AJ(Dora) doesn't know what to do with herself. She's watching TV(Consequently, Dora the Explorer), holding off breakfast until Stella wakes up, but I can tell she's getting hungry...

Ok, I'm not a terrible babysitter, I asked her if she wanted something to eat. I was more than willing to feed her. But the girls always eat breakfast together. So....

Like I said, we will see.

It was just yesterday that I remarked to Zach, which I shouldn't have. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, but of course I just had to say something. Just had to open my big mouth. Yesterday, we were just talking about how Stella never gets sick. I mean we were going on two years this summer that she hasn't been sick once! (Unless you count scabies, which I don't and which I blame on the mall play area. But ew. Gross)

I am super suspicious like that. Or um, superstitious is probably the better word. Like, don't speak out loud, don't think it, don't even let your mind wander there because then it will probably happen.

After I mentioned Stella's UTI, nearly 2 years ago, I did the appropriate knocking on wood! That should have been enough.

No, don't get me wrong. I know better. Boo.

So, I'm expecting the worst.

Pessimistic of me?

Maybe. Fine. I'll give it to you. But like I said, I'm superstitious.

About literally everything. I actually try to never say never. Because I've noticed over the years that that always backfires.

I'll never get married. Well?

I'll never have kids. Umm.... obviously didn't work out.

I'll never need to move back in with my mother. Hahahahahaha.

I'll never be one of those stay at home moms that doesn't have a job and doesn't do anything all day and her college degree is useless. Again, if you weren't laughing before, go ahead and start!

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love all of those things about my life. Now. Before, when I said them, I had no idea how much fulfillment and joy they could bring to one's life or how important a grandparents role is in the lives of your children, or how fun it would be to have to pay back student loans every month for a degree I can't even do anything with(Ok, there might be a little sarcasm here.). Now, I have fully accepted them as blessings, instead of curses. I'm just saying, really, please, if you're smart and know what's good for you: Never say Never.

I also, am an avid knocker of the wood. Like, "blah,blah,blah,blah,blah, oh quick, knock on wood." Yep. Do it all of the time. And sometimes I announce it, when I'm around people I can trust, or people I know think I'm only joking. But sometimes I have to totally be sneaky about it because I don't want people to think I'm crazy. That's right, a discreet little tap, tap, tap of the knuckles underneath the table or on a door frame. Totally, worth it, just to be sure.

Although, I knocked on the table after talking about Stella never getting sick. I actually knocked on wood before I started my sentence and after I finished. Because I knew it was going to get me into trouble!

I don't walk under ladders, break mirrors, I never trust Friday the 13Th, I get nervous every time a bird flies into a window, owls scare me, I cross my fingers, I believe in wishbones and birthday candles, and I am always on the lookout for a four leaf clover.

I know. Crazy.

And the kicker is, I believe in God. Like whole-heartedly. And not for any reason because I'm superstitious.

The two don't make sense, do not work side by side and certainly are contradictions of each other.

Yet, here I am, knocking on wood and the minute something remotely, looks like my words are coming back to haunt me, I have a fall back. I caused it by my words.

I don't know where this skepticism comes from, maybe a need to put blame on something that can't really be held responsible, I don't know. And I don't consciously remember practicing these charms, or omens, they have just always been there....

But Stella's awake. And seems fine now, so maybe, just maybe knocking on wood worked.

Or maybe it was never necessary to begin with.


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