Ok, let's just pick up right where I left off!

Sorry about yesterday. These have been terrible blogging days! But hopefully, I'll find my usual routine again and get back on schedule! Although, it's already later then I usually start. But who's counting? (I don't think that was the right question response there... moving on.)

So, before I cut off mid-blog I was making some point about the marriage conference. Unfortunately I have no idea where I was going with that. But I do have a bunch of funny stories from this weekend, and so I've decided to deliver them in hopefully.... short commentaries! Really, I could probably write a book about the last few days, but I will save everybody that long and extended tale, and get straight to the highlights.

So, Friday night before the actual conference part of this marriage seminar there was a dinner. Zach and I had asked a couple friend to join us, but they told us A. they didn't need the seminar, because they were doing good. B. they wanted their marriage to fail(Joking of course). And C. They would only come if this was a cry for help from Zach and Me, in that we were having severe trouble in our marriage and we needed their support.

How can you argue with those options?

We thought about crying wolf(AKA option C) but decided that would probably come back to bite us. Sometimes a seminar is just nice to go to. You get to learn, you get to get away from the kids for a night, you get to spend the night away from home, in a place where somebody else has to clean up and make the bed, and somebody else is doing all of the cooking, and you get to learn more about each other. Sometimes, it's just great for even a happy marriage to be apart of.

So anyways, we pull up to the new Salvation Army Kroc Center which is basically like the YMCA on Steroids. It is insane, super nice and only $5 a day to spend the whole day there, including inside their water park(It's not much, but it sure beats $25 a person a t Cocoa Keys.)

We start to get super nervous the closer we get to actually entering the building. We are of course late and so we can see all of the people through the ginormous glass windows, sitting together and sharing a meal. You can tell we are getting nervous because we start to crack jokes to each other that continue to get more ridiculous and more ridiculous the closer we are to the buffet line. But by the time we are ready to sit down we think we are the funniest people alive.

We don't do awkward situations well. Zach would prefer to avoid all people all of the time, and I turn the stupid switch on and end up embarrassing myself... usually several times.

Don't worry, Friday night did NOT disappoint.

We finish gathering our plate of food, which happened to be spaghetti. Get it, Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti. Guess what was for dessert? And look around the room. There aren't that many people there... like maybe 50? (I don't really know, it could have been 300, I'm not very good at that whole eyeballing it thing.) So anyways, we look around and Zach instantly requests we sit alone at an open table.

Why don't I listen to him?

I didn't want to be rude.

Ugh. Story of my life. And let me tell you, if you don't like socially awkward situations, go ahead be rude!

So we sit down with two couples. I chose them, because one of the couples looked about our age, and we were by far the youngest couples at the place. Once we sat down, I realized I knew the wife of the younger couple and so I patted myself on the back as a job well done. (The excuse that you are blind as a bat and have the memory of a dog doesn't go over well with acquaintances who both expect you to remember them after meeting them several times and expect you to be able to see five feet in front of you face. Unfortunately I can't do either!)

We sit down, introduce ourselves, I immediately forget everybody's names, and the awkward conversation commences. This dinner was long, by the way. And we were already late! At one point, I think I told them the story about how our friends were only going to come if we were in serious need of marriage counsel, me being the idiot me, played it off like a joke and everybody laughed. But then when we were leaving we noticed one of the couples leave in separate cars and the next day only one half of the other couple showed up.

So who knows. I probably made a total ass of myself, while these two couple consisting of super nice people felt awful for the joke I made at their expense! They could be totally fine too. Who knows. But it's that kind of stuff that gets me into trouble all of the time.

After leaving dinner, we headed into an auditorium to take our seats in preparation for the seminar. Zach and I are not two feet into the sanctuary when a man stops me by saying, "I know you."

Guess what. I don't know you. So please, please, please, please tell me who you are right now, so I don't have to ask!

I just stare at him. He stares at me.

Finally, I say, very smoothly, ahem.... ok, not smoothly at all, "Oh really? Do you?"

To which he gives me another look and says, "Yes, your mother is Mrs. Cloyd, from OCA?"

Oh great, and OCA parent. That means you could be Barack Obama for all I know, being an OCA parent doesn't mean anything to me! Just because you know who I am, doesn't mean I will know you amongst the thousands of OCA parents both past and present. She's worked there for over thirty years people, I can't be expected to know everything!

I'm just kidding, I'm not really that upset about it. But the situation was seriously getting awkward and I had no names coming to my head.

Then he tells us that he knows Zach too. Which I am expecting Zach to totally get freaked out at this point and have the same kind of thoughts I am having.

Zach says, "Oh right. Hey how are you doing?"

What? Couldn't you have at least dropped his name? Seriously.

They man says, "Oh yes, my girls have told me a lot of stories about you guys."

What. I'm sorry what? I am totally worried now. Because that does not sound good. Like, what have you heard? Where is this going? At least I have now detectively deduced he is the father of girls that go to OCA. That leaves... oh... about most of the world to choose from. Continue.

Finally, they notice the still confused look on my face and the man FINALLY says his name. Well, then I of course remember exactly who he is! I was being a complete fool. And of course his girl's would have stories, one of them is Zach's sister's old best friend and I coached at least three of those girls in soccer. So. Finally. To the bottom of this.

My problem was, that I didn't recognize him without his wife.

Common mistake right? When she joined us, I could at least give her the proper greeting, instead of staring at her for 10 minutes with a confused look on my face!

The kicker is: Zach knew the entire time who he was! He said he just wanted to watch me struggle. And trust, that is exactly what I did. So for Zach, I hope it was nice and entertaining. Bratt. :)

We get through the conference, and actually enjoy it. Then we have a great night bar-hopping downtown. We lived close to downtown the first two years we were married, and so the feeling of being back there is really warm and I don't know.. nostalgic. Anyways, there is a new restaurant down there where Famous Dave's used to be, they brew their own beer and have the best fried pickles and peppers I've ever had.

So, next day. Same kind of stuff. Only this time for snack time, we find a table by ourselves. This time I listened to Zach.

We are doing a great job avoiding people until... UNTIL....

First, let me preface this by just saying, never, never, never, if you know what is good for you, never look up and smile at anyone walking past you. Just keep your head down, and ignore and avoid everybody.

I'm not that cynical. Fine. But congratulations if you are!

So, Zach and I are sitting in the back row against the wall(A place we like to always find ourselves.) and a lady walks by. I casually glance up to just notice who is walking by me and smile at her. She was already looking at me and so I feel like this a natural and acceptable procedure. She walks around us and behind us and I think she is gone. I am assuming she left the auditorium and I think nothing more of it.

Until... I hear a little cough from directly behind me.

I turn around to find the same woman. I smile again. Hoping this is quick.

No, it's not.

She begins to open up to me, for reasons I am still unclear of, about her 30 year marriage and how hard it's been and how she had to drag her husband here and how they fight all of the time and how they've gotten into physical fights and verbal fights and they've called each other the worst names in the book. And how they want to go to Weekend To Remember but it's so expensive and so they are trying this one and on and on and on.

Do not get me wrong. I felt for this woman. I nodded my head and mmmm hmmmmed appropriately and almost cried when she told me they got into physical fights because in my head, looking at this frail woman that means he beats her, or at least has. But I still to this day do not know why she felt that I was the right person to talk to.

Zach and I have been married not even 5 years. We know just a little less than all of the secrets and answers to married life(Sarcasm insinuated.).

I did what I could to encourage her to talk to the speakers, surely they would know what to do.

Doesn't she know I'm the most immature person alive? For sure in that group of people. Doesn't she know that I don't like to get personal with other people or have the answers for her misery? Yikes. It was not a pretty sight.

But I suppose it was where I was supposed to be, when I was supposed to be there.

I will tell you this though, she did pass along a little nugget of advice to me.

"When I fight with my husband, it's not him I'm fighting with. Nope. It's the devil. So we can forgive our husbands right away because they have nothing to do with it. It's all the devil."

So, think about that for today.....

When we got home from the whole thing, Zach made me call all of the soccer players from Stella's team. (Oh, he's the coach by the way.) So there was some more awkwardness. Because let me tell you, as awesome as I am keeping it concise on the computer(hahahaha), I'm even better on the phone...

Or not.

Since, I can edit on the computer before I send my final thoughts out. But if you haven't herd me on the phone yet, it is very similar to a side show at the circus. "The Amazing Woman Who Has No Idea When To Shut UP!" Come one, come all.....

After each phone call(there were 5) Zach had to coach me before I dialed again. It got bad. And during every single phone call I forgot one vital piece of information. Things such as, our team name, the website where the games are posted and the fact that my husband is the coach. During one phone call, I had to start shouting into the phone that I wasn't a telemarketer and I wasn't trying to sell them anything! And then during another, I had to listen to a guy tell me all of the reasons why he wanted to be the coach.

What do you say to that? Uh... sorry. You should have called sooner?

Trust me, fella, Zach thought he wanted to be the coach too until he read the coach's manual and found out that it's not all drills and games. It's more along the lines of Duck, Duck, Goose and organized babysitting. (He keeps trying to get me to take over because I'm the "Professional Babysitter." But since, it's a volunteer service, I tell him it's a little under my pay grade.) :)

I have more. Don't think I'm done. Ok. I'm done. This is long enough. My migraine, Scarlett's mysterious, non-head-injury disease and the sunshine predicted for Friday(Yea, that's right, not until Friday. Absurd.) will just have to wait until another time!