Lady Blog Blog

Ok, so I realize that it is wayyyy later in the day then I normally start, but I promise I've been up and working since early this morning! In fact, so much so, this is the first opportunity I've had to sit down with my blog.

Usually this is me time.

My own little space of the day to organize my thoughts and entertain myself.

Not today.

I'm multi-tasking and let's be honest, I don't like it.

Back at that job I can't talk about.

So, despite my mixed feelings with having to share these moments, let's get to work here and write about something!

First, I would like to update you all. As it turns out, I am not the only woman out there who doesn't understand how to check her oil! My friends Kendra and Kimbra are also in the dark! And since we all drive or have driven cars that need a significant amount of oil every couple of weeks, we should be well practiced experts.

We're not. And I feel satisfied that I am not alone in the darkness. Ok. It doesn't make sense to me. Maybe I'm just slow. Or half brain dead. Or maybe I don't possess the right genetic code. Or let's get real here, maybe it's just not so simple after all. Maybe all of you boys out there are just pretending to know what you're doing. Maybe you're really just as clueless as the rest of us damsels in distress and in fact, when you get right down to it, you do what we do.

Just guess.

That's right, just guess.

I use a paper towel and wipe off that dip stick like a pro. I jam the long, bendy, pointless(At least in my mind, it's pointless) POS right down there and pull it out to find what?

I have no idea what the difference is, if we're going to be quite honest. I have no idea what the difference is from a clean dip stick to a just checked the depth of the oil dip stick. And it's not because there's no oil in there. It's because it doesn't make sense.

So boys, stop pretending and let's call this what it is. A guess. An estimate. A hope-you-get-lucky-and-don't-spill-oil-everywhere. Not that it would matter with my van, oil spills out wherever I go. Just one of the perks of driving a 12 year old shaggin' wagon.

That's not the only thing I guess at.

I mean, guessing probably takes up, I'd say, about, oh, give or take a few...... 98% of my brain functions.

I guess everything.

I guess what time it is, all the time, because I haven't had a watch that works in several years and let's face it, my phone rarely tells the time due to the fact that it's always broken. (Maybe this is the reason I'm late all of the time. I tend to guess early!)

I guess measurements every time I cook. I stopped measuring things out a while ago... Except maybe when I bake. That tends to be a little more specific. But here is the kicker. I don't guess measurements because I know them all so well, by heart. This is really weird, I am warning you. I guess measurements because I don't want extra dirty dishes! Like a Tablespoon and Pyrex glass measurer are all that many dishes, but it's not even because I don't want to wash them. Maybe when Zach and I didn't own a dishwasher I could use that excuse. But, this is simply because I like things neat and organized and I don't want to be wasteful. Using dishes I don't need seems wasteful and unnecessary, and so I don't use them. Totally weird. I know. Plus you can only imagine how salty some of the suppers I make are! Ha.

I guess prices. I'm usually wrong. Zach is always, always right. Like if we go to the grocery store and have a cart full of grocery's. He will know almost down to the cents what the price is going to be. (We always play this game as we are standing in line waiting to check out) I am always, always wrong. I always guess under, but I think it has more to do with wishful thinking on my part rather than lack of skill.

Life is a guessing game to me. I have this terrible habit of guessing facts and stories. My sister in law, Kylee, totally shames me about it and for good reason. But it is something I can almost not stop. When somebody asks me a question, I give them an answer. Even if I don't know it.

Someone once told me that people in general are just looking for an answer, they don't care if it's true or not, they just want something. Since then, I have lived by this code.

That means, if you ask me a question and I don't really know the answer I will in all likelihood still give you one. Like, just totally make one up.

You may call this lying.

I call it "guessing at the truth."

And the thing is, it's totally ingrained in my head so that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Lying to you is not my intention at all!!

Here's an example. Once during high school English, a boy(A very smart boy mind you) asked me this question, "What is the difference between Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility?" just before we started studying P and P. For those of you who don't know, the real answer is almost nothing. Different characters, different plot line, different heroines, sure, but still same period England, same author, same happy ending, same almost everything else.

But that's not what I said.

I said, "Umm... I think one takes place during the Revolutionary War and the other one takes place during the Civil War."

What??? I don't even know where I came up with that. I just pulled it totally out of thin air(Or somewhere else I'd rather not mention)!

The truth was known soon however, when only seconds later our teacher explained the difference and I was totally, totally off base.

It didn't phase me. I didn't learn one single lesson.

Dan Anderson looked at me quizzically, kind of like I was crazy and all I did was laugh and say, "Oops, I guess I was wrong."

And that's what I do for most things. I need to work on it. I should work on it. It's all in all, a little crazy. But yet here I am, lying, scratch that, guessing my way through life. Making things up. And giving people totally false truths.

This by the way, is just like that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry tells Elaine that War and Peace was originally titled War, What Is It Good For? See? I told you I could do it.

Now that is the truth!


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