Blog Wars

I love coffee. Love it.

I know, it's not much of an epiphany, but it is the truth.

Not only do I love it, but I need it. I can't just wake up every morning and put on a happy face. I need a drug to get me through the morning, or the day, really until about 11:00 PM. That's right. I admit that I need a natural, legal, but all the same performance enhancing stimulant.


Well, truthfully, I don't think we want to find out what would happen.

And no, I'm not being dramatic. I am a girl that loves, loves her sleep and suddenly my children like to get up at 6:30 AM and I simply don't function that early. Or at all.

Well, and really, I just assume that all mother's need coffee, I mean think about the breakfast hour without it? How is it even possible?

And not just mothers, but all people, really. All people who are up and moving before like 10:00 AM. How would we as a society function without that precious drug awakening our senses and clearing the fog from our busy little heads?

Unless you're a Mormon, there isn't much point to life without it.

And obviously someone else has noticed this trend. I'm not the only one who reveres coffee as though it were gold, or the cure to crabbiness. There are like millions of coffee houses all over this country. And by millions, I really don't know the exact number, but it has to be tons and tons! In Omaha, I feel like there are as many drive-thru coffee houses as their are churches and banks combined.

Take Starbucks alone. Besides the numerous locations all over the city that operate out of strip malls or single buildings as a Starbucks store, they are in every Hy-Vee, every Target, and every Bakers. Plus, and I can't remember this for sure, so don't quote me, but probably in the airport, and big buildings, like First National, Woodman and Mutual of Omaha.

No wait, I take that back. Mutual of Omaha with their secret Chic-Fil-A, probably has some brand new, ultra modern, kind of coffee house. A totally top-secret, futuristic kind of coffee that's from like Space, the Great Unknown or deep in the Amazon Jungle, and they probably serve it in like these super, sweet (Yes, I did just say "Super Sweet," deal with it, I have the vocabulary of a junior higher.) cups, or better yet, it is injected straight in to the veins. But of course, you have to be an employee of Mutual and therefore the project remains a mystery.

So, back to the point, Starbucks is taking over Omaha. Which, trust me, I am totally fine with. I love that access to coffee is more available then ATM's and Gas Stations. I need coffee. Money and Gas are questionable.

Plus, have you ever talked to a Starbucks employee? I mean, for real, they are the nicest workers out there. They greet you with the biggest smile, ready to make whatever your heart desires. They are model service industry workers, proud of their job, and proud of their coffee. If you don't leave Starbucks with a smile on your face, then take a big sip of your Venti, Double Shot, Mochaccino and try again, because they exist to please. They are high on life and hopped up on coffee with one mission, to pass the drug on to you.

Ok, yes, I'm once again a little over dramatic, but let's face it, it's better then coffee and service at Village Inn.

So, who cares if soon 50% of Omaha will soon be Starbucks Employees? The Corporate offices have stopped closing branches and are clearly now focused on World Domination. Which, you would think would be pretty easy for them as long as they first addict people to caffeine and then threaten to take it away completely! I don't care. I'll follow. I'm already a minion.

There is just one catch though, to these Pillar-of-Joy-and-Light-Baristas. Just one fault I've found.

Have you ever tried to drink coffee with one of these cult leaders outside of their work environment? I mean seriously, I don't mean to offend anyone, but those people are coffee snobs.

I mean seriously, excuse me for enjoying a little flavored, sugar free creamer in my cup of Joe. It's not the end of the world, I promise. A little creamer never hurt anyone!

Try to add creamer, or sugar or milk or any other kind of coffee enhancement to your Black, Colombian Roast. There are outcries from Starbucks employees around the world accusing you of ruining the flavor, the essence, in fact the very soul of bean.

So to all of you Starbucks employees out there right now, I thank you for making my rather often visits to your drive-thru such a wonderful experience, for greeting me with a welcome and happy hello, for making anything I want without complaint or confusion and for chitchatting pleasantly while I pay, handing me my hot to go grande cup with a smile on your face and a promise of the same treatment when I inevitably return, BUT, if you say one more snotty thing about the fact that I can't stomach plain, gross, bitter, black coffee and therefore have to dress it up with a little creamer or milk at some non work event like a Super Bowl party or Bridal Shower then I will just freak out.

Well, ok, we all know, I rarely "Freak Out" at anybody, but I will have terrible thoughts about your snobbish ways and then I will smile at you and probably laugh like you just told a super funny joke. But then, then I will blog about you.

So don't mess with me. Or my coffee.


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  1. I've really got to quit reading your blogs in class... I laugh out loud every time... especially this time. You are so wild, girl! I can't believe Omaha has a chic-fil-a?!?! Every time my grandparents come down here they say "I wish we had one in Omaha" (that and steak and shake) so I will have to inform them!
    You are so funny. I've said it before... You have a real talent.
    As a side note, my prof. really asked "what's so funny Ms. Jacobberger about people dying in Ford Pinto's?"... uhhhh..... oops!

  2. damn mutual of omaha and their secret chic-fil-a.

  3. I love it, too! Here is a quote from a calendar at work:
    "Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after." Anne Morrow Lindbergh.
    Thought of you - cause you are a good communicator!