That title is courtesy of my husband and intended for all of you Arrested Development fans! Did you know they're making a movie? So, excited!

I just need to say something. I'm not going to dwell on it, or make a huge deal out of it, I just need to say this. You know, get it off my chest... Ok, so I firmly believe that the DMV hates people. That they only hire people who hate other people and that their job training topics include titles such as: You can never roll your eyes too much, Huffing and Puffing helps you get the job done, and No matter what happens, they are the idiots, you are next to God.

Yesterday, I had a big appointment with the happiest place on earth, known as the Department of Motor Vehicles. Ok, not a literal appointment, although the concept would make life in general a whole lot easier, there are in actuality no such appointments given. So anyways, I trudged down to the DMV(Department of Making-sure-people-feel Very-stupid) after we dropped AJ off at preschool and met my sister in law who was going to help me watch my kids.

My purpose was three fold. I had to 1. Renew my driver's license because my birthday is at the end of this month. 2. Renew the tags on Zach's car. And 3. License and Register the van we bought from my mom.

Ok, that is a substantial amount of work to do in one trip to the DMV (Department of Make-your-life Very-sucky.). I know. But, that's also why I wanted to get it all done in one trip. Nobody wants to visit the DMV(Department of deMean-first, Verify-later.) twice in one month, or one week, God forbid one day. So anyways, I went with the purpose of knocking everything out in one trip.

It took me a good couple of hours to prep for this trip! I mean, there is a lot of paperwork that goes into being a legal driver. And it sucks. Not to mention, somewhere along the way I had misplaced the Title to the Van, and subsequently tore my house apart in search of it. Then of course(After Zach had come home and found the stupid thing in two minutes) I had to put my house back together. So, seriously, we are talking about some major groundwork, all before I even left my house with my expired plates(Yea, that's right they were up in January, but I decided to wait until yesterday to go).

Ok, so I have everything. Imagine me, looking my best(For the Driver's License picture), two kids by my side, handfuls of paperwork(That if I lose, we are in big trouble!) and a sack full of Potato Ole's(The girls hadn't eaten and I wanted them to be occupied and quiet and Taco Johns was the closest thing to a real lunch, or aka diabetes, but whatever.). Thankfully, Kylee was there as soon as we pulled in and off we were into the hell hole known as the DMV(Department of old Maids spewing Venom.)

Ok, that one might have been uncalled for.

First things first, License Renewal. Ok and this part is not just for the employees, this part is for the pushy, shoving, rude, patrons that stepped all over my kindness! And by that I really mean, while I was reading through the directions near the window, three separate people pushed past me to grab a number first. And then, when it was our groups turn to go to the back and have our eyes checked, I reached the door first and when I opened it(For myself....) those same people just walked through the door like I was the appointed Door Man. Rude.

So anyways, I find myself in the back of the line, waiting, and waiting, and waiting. By the way, I'm pretty sure the DMV(Department of this makes me feel Manic-and-like-I-need-a Vacation) is what Communism felt like. So if this is a glimpse into America's future. I am not having it.

Back to the point. When I finally get up to the front of the line, I first get chewed out and treated like a terrorist. (I'm serious. I prematurely walked forward when it wasn't quite my turn yet and I was told, "Ma'am go back to the line, Ma'am go back to the line, Ma'am, please go back to the line, Ma'am we will call you, GO back to the line." I know, what? And then, when it is my turn and I take the eye exam, the next guy to do it (Who by the way was one of the line-cutters) wipes the entire machine off with a wet wipe! Ok, I do understand that the wet wipe wasn't specifically for me, that in fact he would have used it no matter who the previous user was(Or at least I think so.) but still, it's a little bit insulting.

Oh and then on my way out of the Liscense Renewal part and back to the Treasurer, I opened the door again to let my family through, that's right, my sister in law, my two year old and me with a heavy stinking car seat on my arm, and don't forget the Potato Ole's and who should walk through first: Germiphobe. He has some serious patience issues.

Ok, so I get my piece of paper that is now my license for the next 20 days or until they send me the real one and move to another line for the plates and registration part. After standing an equally long time in this line, I then move to the window and put on my most charming smile. Guess what, this lady, she hates happy people.

I tell her what I need, she takes the Title to my Van, the one that is signed over to me, from a seller by the way with a different last name then me, she has no idea we are connected. Ok, so she takes one glance at the paper, and exclaims, loudly and with a significant amount of attitude, "Oh nooooooooo! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, noooooooo! This doesn't work. You can't do this. You can't bring this here." And me in my most innocent and naive voice, with my bottom lip quivering and my eyes swelling with tears(Yes, I am over dramatizing a little bit, but I am a sensitive person and I did feel like crap.) I say, "Um, why not?" She then explains, without losing the attitude(If she were Stella by the way she would have totally found herself in Time-Out a long time ago) that something was wrong with the Title that made it void, so the seller would have to get a duplicate and then I have to start the whole process over again.

Boo.

On another note, I was able to renew Zach's plates fairly easy.

What is it about the DMV(Department of aMerica is turning into Venezuela.) that no matter how prepared you are, no matter how much time you've spent organizing your paper work and getting your P's and Q's in order(No, I do not know what that phrase actually means.) those Government employees are going to find every way, no matter how small or how big to belittle you.

I came away feeling small, and like a failure.

And then I got over it. And then I felt angry, because I realized that I'm going to have to go on that magical adventure all over again, well as soon as we get a new Title, a Valid Title.

What was that? I guess that was me not dwelling on it. Not talking about it. Ha. I did a good job I think.....

I did actually have other stuff to talk about, like:

How I think I'm a victim of Ageism... That's right, it goes both ways.

And how Stella and I built a fort and how forts are like the most magical part of childhood.

But those will have to be topics for another day.

I've been complaining a LOT lately. Geesh. So tomorrow, I promise, no complaints! I will write something that doesn't send you into a deep depression and spiralling emotionally out of control.

At least I hope.