The Amazing Blogzo!

Well. Today is my birthday.

I feel like boycotting, or rioting or picketing or something. I'm not ready for this day. It can't possibly be my birthday today because I am not ready to be older! I've talked about this before. A child in a woman's body, and not just any body, and mother of two children's body. It's not pretty.

Let's face it, for somebody who should be a young professional, mature, responsible, grown out of college antics and running a family, I relate better to Junior High girls then anyone else.

I laugh at everything. I love CW shows and prefer a good scripted high school drama or reality show to anything else. I buy bubble gum and blow bubbles constantly(A very irritating habit), I still stay up way too late(Every night), I eat cake for breakfast if it's available, I haven't learned how to stick up for myself, Cherry Coke is still my favorite drink, I say OMG and text constantly, I cry at commercials and leggings and hair accessories make up the majority of my wardrobe.

That's not an adult. I am Tom Hanks. This is Big. Welcome to an alternate reality. A reality in which immature, 13 year olds are trapped in women's bodies and allowed to raise children, and cook dinner and pay bills. Come to think of it, maybe it's more like 13 Going on 30 then Big. That seems more appropriate.

Yet here we are.

So to prepare myself for this day. This day of days. The day where I am that much closer to 30, a new decade, a new era, a new something...... I am going to write a list. A David Letterman List if you will, only instead of 10 reasons, 26 to celebrate the day. (Although the truth is I was always a Jay Leno fan, that is until he moved his time slot, and then I preferred Conan, that is until Jay Leno through a tantrum and took it away from Conan, now I'm a Jimmy Fallon fan. Just kidding, nobody likes Jimmy.) A list of reasons, if you will, why I should be 26, what I have learned about myself, what I have learned about the world and all in all how the heck I got here, because honestly I'm not so sure.

1. In my 26 years I have learned that I have two settings as far as dress code goes. Super sloppy-sweats wear and pretty, pretty princess. I am either a tom-boy-hippy-looking-homeless-person or a girly-girl-prissy-urban-style-glamour-wearing-out-on-the-towner. Seriously, I'm either going to dress like the bag lady(The term Zach so lovingly refers to me as) you want to return to the homeless shelter or the mom at dance you're like, um lady you do know it's 5:00 during the week and you're at dance and not at some night club on the Friday night, don't you? And the answer is, no I don't. When I shop, I shop for those two genres. It's who I am. I don't own casual t's and relaxed fit jeans. I own sweats. And dresses. I haven't changed yet. I doubt I ever will.

2. Boys, all boys, are gigantic, weirdo, nerds. This is a fact. It doesn't matter who they are, or what type of boy they portray themselves as. Deep down they love calculators and Princess Leia. You go into marriage thinking you are marrying this car-loving, sports-fanatic, man-of-all-mans(Which I did) and then you find out he loves Star Wars and technology and video games and can stay up all night playing World of Warcraft and for his birthday he wants legos and puzzles instead of tools or I don't know other man stuff. And, ok, it's not just my husband(Who is still a manly man, and protector and provider and all of that). They're all like this! On the outside, sure they dress well, and have real jobs, but on the inside they are wearing Point-Dexter glasses and pocket protectors.

(These are really long, if I'm going to get to 26, I've got to make it more concise.)

3. I hate mushrooms. All of them. I try them, and I try them, all different ways, all different kinds, but the more I try to like them. The more I hate them.

4. Being Poor is not so bad. The stuff I need, I find a way to always have. And the stuff I want is always better after I've saved for it. Zach and I have always been happy living in the smallest spaces known to mankind and hey we still love each other more and more every day.

5. It has taken me 26 years to find good friends. I've gone through a lot, a lot of bad ones. And as it turns out, I kind of suck at picking friends. I always will choose the ones who are going to back stab, betray and hurt me. Until now. I have amazing friends now. Close friends. I don't have a lot, and some of them have been around for a long time and some of them are newer, but the truth is it has taken me a long time to get here. I've learned a lot about people, the good and the bad, but today I couldn't be happier with the friends that I have! Friends I can trust, and count on and laugh with and cry with(Because we all know I cry a lot.).

6. I am a big, old chicken. Scared of everything! Growing up I tried to do the whole scary movie thing. But the truth is, I just can't hack it. Everything scares me. Even right now, as Stella walks around the house making the sound from The Grudge for no apparent reason other then to terrify me, I feel fear. It's lame. It's kind of pathetic. But it's who I am. And this is an all inclusive fear. I'm afraid of change, of the unknown, of failure and especially, especially of success.

7. Just because I have a high tolerance for pain, does not mean I don't need an epidural during child birth. Because as it turns out.... I do.

8. I am helpless when it comes to cars. I don't notice funny sounds, I can't change a tire and I do not understand how to check my oil. Believe me I try, but it's totally more like just pretending for appearances sake and then I pore some in no matter what, hoping not to flood the whole engine.

9. I need caffeine. Need it. I pretend to quite, I try to walk away. But I can't do it. I am a life long addict and ain't nothing going to change the fact. Sorry Mormonism, you're just not for me.

10. Along those same lines, I am not a morning person. Sure, I am capable of getting up early. But I don't want to. And I'm not going to be happy about it. And I'm crabby, and unproductive and pathetic. And that's it. I just hate mornings.

11. You can't vacuum up glass.

I think that one's pretty self-explanatory.

12. Grief doesn't get any easier. It might come in overwhelming waves less, it might wreck you with tears and sadness less, but it doesn't get easier. Losing someone you love is a life-long process that will always hurt, will always be hard and will always, always, always suck. And the truth is, I miss my dad more today than all the days before, and I just don't see that changing.

13. I love being a wife. And I'm kind of good at it. The whole making supper every night, taking care of a family, paying bills, just loving my husband is all the most rewarding experience for me. And truthfully, I never imagined it would be this much fun. But I am overjoyed that it is!

14. Dreams are worth having. Even if they never come true, there is something about wanting a prize beyond your reach that makes you motivated and driven. A dream makes contentment and adequacy out of the question, and helps you see beyond yourself into a bigger picture, consequently making you work harder, strive farther and all in all a better version of yourself.

15. Little girl's giggling is the most contagious sound in the world.

16. Little boys don't need toys. They are perfectly content with sticks, tape and mud.

17. Being a mother is the most wonderful, rewarding and terrifying experience ever. And totally, totally worth it.

18. Costco doesn't actually save you any money. At all. You get sucked in there and end up spending $500 on bulk chicken fingers and hair spray. And then you leave and go, I don't even use hair spray AND I'm a vegan!?! Why in the world did I buy this? But at the time you were like, oh my gosh this is soooo cheap, look at this price! Look at how much you get! Out of control.

19. This is a lesson I learned yesterday: There is no good way to wear a band aid on your thumb. It's awkward and irritating no matter how you fashion it on there.

20. Your mother, really does know best. I know, it's a hard pill to swallow. But remember, one day I will be that mother and when that day comes I will hold all of the power! Muh ha ha ha. JK.

21. I don't really like sappy love stories. I mean in movies. I much prefer a Comedy or Action or Sci-Fi flick. Unless it's a Romantic Comedy, chances are it's going to depress me. Also, I don't like Indie movies. I feel like I should, I feel like I will, but in the end I am always depressed and in a funk. I mean there's a few out there that pass the test, but all in all, keep your hippy-loving, nerd chic movies away from me!

22. It's ok to be a little bit of a conspiracy theorist. Such as H1N1 is a ploy by the government and media to get Universal Health Care passed. :) But a little goes a long way! So don't expect to deliver Global Warming is a lie and Where is Obama's birth certificate in the same speech!

23. I'm shallow. And yes, it's taken me 26 years to come to this conclusion. I like to think I'm deep, that I have intelligent thoughts and prefer an in depth conversation and exciting argument to everything else. But the truth is, Clueless and Mean Girls are my favorite movies. A deep conversation, when you open up to me and tell me your problems, makes me extremely uncomfortable; I love pop music, give me some Britney and Rihanna any day, and in the end I would rather go out for drinks then go out for coffee.

24. This year and yes, finally this year, I learned how to do my makeup, wash my face, pluck my eyebrows, dress myself, wear high heels, and find a bra that fits. I still however, do not know how to paint my toe nails, take care of my hair or lose weight. I guess I'm still a work in process.

25. Being kind, generous, quiet-spirited, patient, soft spoken, gentle, sweet, non-judgemental, self-aware and self controlled are crowning attributes of a godly woman. I don't possess any of those qualities. So suck on that!

(Just kidding.)

26. And Finally, In the end, turning one year older is not so bad after all.

I bet you all feel one year older after reading that ridiculously long Blog. Sorry. But it is my birthday, so I guess that means I can do whatever I want! :)


Phasellus facilisis convallis metus, ut imperdiet augue auctor nec. Duis at velit id augue lobortis porta. Sed varius, enim accumsan aliquam tincidunt, tortor urna vulputate quam, eget finibus urna est in augue.

1 comment: