Good morning!!

I really need to get back to consistent blogs... but. Here we are. And honestly are you surprised?

The good news is I have a bunch of projects coming out!!!! Striking. The Relentless Warrior. Sunburst. Love and Decay.

I mean. That's a LOT. Right? I keep thinking, who am I going to pay to write all these books???

Ahem.

Just kidding.

The bad news, it's turned me into an emotional disaster.

Ok, not those projects per say. Mostly, releasing a new book (Striking)- this always gives me an ulcer. And this Adult Contemporary I'm writing.  The Five Stages of Falling In Love.

It. Is. Gut. Wrenching.

Did you ever think you'd get a book like that from me???

I certainly didn't. But I can't stop writing it. Even it's just little sentences at a time. And whilst I write, I sob.

And then I think about it later and sob again.

And now I'm just a waterworks production waiting to happen. Happy things. Sad things. Things that are on TV and shouldn't emotionally effect me in any way.

Yesterday, my children were watching Prince of Egypt. I LOVE that movie. Mostly because I like to belt out There Can be Miracles with Whitney and Miriah at the top of my lungs and pretend I am the Diva behind those beautiful voices.

But that's neither here nor there.

The movie starts. All the kids are sprawled out on the couch after an afternoon of playing outside and running through the sprinkler. Zach is in the kitchen making dinner. And I am there with him- supporting him/cheering him on/grating cheese.

The movie goes through the intro and I'm like... oh, this parts a bummer. We get further into the story and I'm like, yeesh, maybe this is too depressing for the kiddos.

THEN. The part comes where Moses's mother builds his little basket and puts him in it. AND I LOSE MY MIND. I'm like a weeping, hysterical mess. I'm all, what kind of strength does it take for a mother to send her child down the river??? How much faith did that woman need to build a basket with her own fingers and put her newborn baby boy in it and say goodbye!!!!  Possibly FOREVER!!!

Omg. It was bad. And I was trying to hide my reaction from Zach... and the kids... and.... it just wasn't working for me.

In general I'm a little less, I am woman, hear me roar. And a whole lot more, I am hormonal woman, watch me have an emotional breakdown.

It's a little less intimidating.

I went to Christian school all my life, and Moses was definitely a part of every school year's curriculum. Even in college.

However, I've never cried over the story before. Pretty sure that's a bad sign.

I know, I'm looking at the story from a different perspective now. A mother's perspective.

And the story is entirely different for me. Instead, of watching Moses's journey, I'm seeing his mother love him so much she did an unthinkable act to save his life, or give him a better end. I'm seeing it from his sister's perspective as she creeps along the bank, watching him, praying for him, saying goodbye. I'm in his wife's shoes as she supports a man that people think is crazy, or wrong, or suicidal- and she stands by him no matter what.

Moses went through a lot, sure. But what about the WOMEN in his life??? They're the ones that need a support group and therapy three times a week. Yikes.

But.

It's not just about the baby floating down the river, away from his mother, wanting to be fed, crying as he's separated from his family, facing death in a way that seemed better to his mother than letting the Egyptians slaughter him.

It's the whole movie. Suddenly, instead of thinking what a great film it is... I'm thinking, shoot are my kids too young for this??? Am I exposing them to too much, too soon? Maybe I shouldn't explain that particular plague to them. Or cover their eyes during this part.

Kids have transformed me. They've come into my life and made me a different person- a responsible person.

I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to be the girl that traveled everywhere! Everywhere. For spring break, I would just get in the car and drive away. See you all in a week.

Now I find myself turning down signing after signing because it's too difficult on my family for me to leave them often.

Who am I?

Just kidding. I know who I am. But still, it's difficult to process sometimes. In my head, I'm still 21 and careless- not just carefree, but definitely careless. In real life I've been married for almost a decade and have a lot of dependents.

And I cry at cartoons.

Anyway. Let's blame it on The Five Stages and move on with our lives. I just needed to share in my hysteria with mostly strangers on the internet. That's totally normal, right?