Cupecakemageddon

So, hello blogging world.

For some reason, lately, I've felt like this needs a heading, like I'm writing a mass letter that needs to be addressed to someone specific.

Which may or may not be a step up from Dear Blog Diary....

Haha!!

So, we've entered glorious Spring. And I couldn't me more excited about life. It's the truth. Spring is exactly what I need in my life. The trees budding, the flowers popping up, the allergies. Oh man. I just love it.

Every year I go back and forth between my favorite season. Spring or Fall. Spring or Fall.

On one had Spring smells like soccer practice and freshly mowed grass. Everything is so fresh and pretty and with the promise of days spent at the pool just around the corner, it's hard not to fall fast and hard for Spring.

Oh and yes, I know these shouldn't be capitalized.

But, as a writer, I reserve the right to capitalize words at my Discretion. :)

Then there is Fall. With football season and the air smelling like campfires. The start of the holidays.... Oh, because my holiday season begins with Halloween. Doesn't everybody's????

Anyway, I think I'll just keep my fave season on rotate, according to whether I am sick and tired of the cold, or sick and tired of the heat.

Still. I love my four seasons, regardless if Winter and Summer only qualify as runner-ups. Hence my love for the Midwest.

We were supposed to have Thunderstorms last night.

We didn't.

Jim Flowers lied.

Or, God saved me from a night of no sleep and terrified kidlets.

That's the paradox as a parent. Personally, there is nothing I love more than a great thunderstorm, when the thunder shakes the house, the rain turns to hail and the lightning makes you feel like outside there is a rave going on, complete with fog machine and strobe lights.

But, my children on the other hand.... Not so much.

And I wish I could say they will grow to love them. Well, I can probably say that. But my love for thunderstorms goes way, way, way back.

I remember when I was like five years old, we lived in Fremont and my mom was setting up for a garage sale. We were all in the garage, but at one point we had to go into the house and down to the basement because the tornado sirens were going off. And as a little girl I just remember hoping for a tornado. I didn't want to walk upstairs to the inevitable disappointment of another one passing us by. I wanted destruction. Like center of town, ripping up main street, tossing the Pizza Hut roof over the Bonanza kind of natural disaster.

And if by now you think I was some kind of deranged psycho path of a child...

You might be right.

Except I'm not the only one. I think those of us that live in Tornado Alley have some disturbed, macabre love for natural disasters.

Of course, we also recognize the severity of when it actually does strike a town, like Joplin, or when my cousin's farm was completely destroyed from crops to combines. Still, it's the anticipation before the storm. I think that's it.

Anyway.

Enough of that craziness.

I still can't get Endless to load properly onto Smashwords. Which is the distributor for Barnes and Noble. So if you are still waiting.... I apologize and if you want to organize a picket line outside the Smashwords Headquarters, I'll be there, with my sign all glittered and bedazzled and everything!!!

Oh, wait. I mean, with my cleverly written snarky comment.

Sorry, Competition this weekend, I'm gearing up for the bling-fest.

This time though, I will definitely have my Company Maternity Shirt to show off.

Since I look like I'm nine months pregnant already and I haven't even hit the 20 month mark yet. Yikes.... I'm going to blame the fourth kidlet for that one.

And leave it at that!!!!

Oh, it feels like I have SO much to talk about today, but I'm stuck on the Ramble Repeat.... Yikes. We were so busy this weekend that it took all day yesterday to recover. And by recover, I mean of course, have the worst day of our lives.

First, this weekend. My brother and his serious girlfriend came into town and spent Friday night at our house, Saturday at the zoo with us, (then we spent Saturday night at a dear friends birthday party) and then Sunday out at the State Park for the girls birthday party.

We had a fantastic time.

Even at the birthday party.

I should be saying Especially at the birthday party. But here's the thing. I have TERRIBLE social anxiety. Which, honestly, to me, doesn't even make sense because I'm generally an extrovert. I THRIVE on people.

But people in the sense, that we are all sitting around like a kitchen table, or dance bench and laughing together, mutually contributing to the conversation.

Or in situations that I know 100% I'm in control. Like I LOVE public speaking. I really, seriously, love to give speeches. I think it might be an actual diagnosable disease....

But surrounded by my peers, leading the happy birthday song and organizing things... So completely out of my element I am near panic attacks.

Yep. The Happy Birthday Song gives me hives. Let it be known. And maybe it's that I feel like I need to be organized to be in charge of those kinds of events and I am so utterly un-organized I realize how unprepared I am for everything, not just birthday parties, but life in general. Or maybe it's that, in all honesty, I have an inferiority complex as a mother. OR. It could be that the Happy Birthday Song is the worst written piece of music ever... And I don't mean in tune or lyrics. I mean in straight range. No matter how low you start, or how high you can sing, eventually it get's too high for EVERYBODY. And no matter if you're a good singer or a bad singer, you have to move from your normal voice to your falsetto making for a very awkward bridge-into-ending transition. It's awful. It's probably my least favorite song of all time.

That and the Charlie Brown Christmas Song.

Anyway, I made it. Barely, and as a complete sweat-ball, but I made it.

It helped that the party, filled with excitable 3-5 year olds was complete chaos. And I happen to thrive on chaos.

Plus. And I know most people won't get this. But remember the inferiority complex.... It was one of those moments where I looked up and realized like, I'm the mom. Like, whatever my mom did growing up.... I'm now that person.

It was kind of surreal.

This was our first "friend" birthday party. Usually, because we have so much immediate family, and the children have been so young, I have forgone the expensive parties and just celebrated with our close family.

So, this year, I not only planned the party but none of the grandparents attended. So, it was the real deal. I was in charge. Surrounded by my friends and the kid's friends and I was the one to write the check at the end.

It really was a surreal experience for me. But I loved it. And we are just so blessed to be surrounded by dear friends who care about and are invested in my children.

Great day.

Anyway, that leads us to yesterday. The children were exhausted!!!! They were exhausted Sunday, and it carried over to yesterday.

Plus, I wasn't so hot myself.

Although, I did get the house cleaned. This always feels like a HUGE accomplishment for me....

Anyway.

While Stella was at school, I was working in the girl's room since it was actually picked up and all I needed to do was vacuum, dust and make the beds. Scarlett was in there with me and Stryker was wandering around the house.

Oh, that boy.

He gets into EVERYTHING. And I mean that. He is a walking tornado of disaster.

I have to keep the bathroom doors closed at all times because shutting the toilet seat is no longer an option for us to keep him out. He has figured out how to lift the lid. And we tried toilet seat locks when Stella was young, but people kept ripping them apart. Like seriously, we would have guests over and they would just rip the seat open. So we gave up on those a long time ago....

Anyway, he also likes to pull the drawers out of the vanity and climb his way to the top so that he can stare at himself int he mirror.

So, I keep the doors closed, but sometimes the girls forget to close it all the way. Which is what happened yesterday. Whilst I was cleaning the girls bedroom, Stryker had snuck off to my bathroom, climbed onto the lid part, not the seat part, but the heavy lid part, of the toilet, yep, all the way to the top and proceeded to dump everything of mine that sat on the vanity. This included a basket FULL of random bathroom necessities such as deodorant, hair care products, razors, hair ties, bobby pins, cologne, and lipstick. Then he found the box of q-tips (Because I am addicted to using those terrible little things and keep bargain-sized boxes in my drawers...) and dumped those out ALL over the floor. There were toothbrushes, toothpaste, an un-used pregnancy test, a neti-pot and so, so much more.

ALL over the bathroom floor that I had yet to clean.

Well, as soon as I hear the crash of things falling to the floor, I sprint in there and find the little culprit just as happy as can be, smiling his big old grin and laughing like he has really accomplished something great here.

But I don't have time to even comprehend what a big mess it is because it's time to go get Stella. So I throw the two little kids in the car and race (the speed limit, because the idea of paying for a ticket seriously makes me want to throw up, but at least I feel like I'm in a race because I am ALWAYS fifteen minutes late for everything I do.) to get Stella.

And then when we got home, it was the usual chaos of walking in the door with three starving children. They're hungry and ready for rest time and I'm just scrambling to stuff food in their mouths before they all fall asleep on the table.

So I all but forget about the bathroom mess.

That is until Scarlett walks out of my bathroom thirty minutes later and exclaims she just had an accident all over my bathroom floor.

Now two things go through my head at this point. What???? Scarlett you haven't had an accident in maybe three months, why on earth are you having one now?????

And then I think coolly, calmly and collectedly, well, that's kind an extra job I wasn't planning on today.

...........

Until it settles in what exactly just happened in my bathroom.......

Oh no. Oh my gosh. Oh no!!!!!!!! And I run into the bathroom, where the mess, where everything Stryker dumped to the floor is now laying in a puddle of pee. A HUGE PUDDLE OF PEE!!!!!

It. Was. Awful.

And how on earth is her bladder that big?????

Honestly, it was like I didn't even know where to start!!!! Or if I would ever mentally believe that those bobby pins were clean enough....

Or the neti-pot. Although, I scrubbed that little darling to pieces. And conveniently left it's demise out of the story when I told Zach.... :) What?? Nasal congestion is a real affliction and I those things are not cheap!!

Eventually though, I did get the bathroom cleaned up. Not everything was touched and ruined and/or needed to be scrubbed and I threw about a hundred q-tips away and some old toothbrushes.

But I did pull myself back together and get the bathroom cleaned. Thank the Lord.

And then I moved on with my day.

And the children moved on with theirs.

Until.

It was time for dance.

We have to generally leave a half hour before dance starts to give us enough time to get there and shoes on and all that. During the week, I'm actually pretty good at getting Stella to dance on time. OR. At least better than I am on Saturday mornings.... But that's a different story.

So, after cleaning the house all day, I knew I wasn't going to have time for a shower and was totally planning on just showing off my Ugly Day during dance. I mean my Semi-Ugly-Day, for dance moms I at least was going to put on new sweats, tame my hair and maybe, maybe throw on some eye liner. Maybe.

But the new sweats and hair was mandatory.

So, at like 3:50 all the kids were ready and I just needed to work on myself. I make sure they're all happy and busy and then kind of sneak off to the bathroom because if they follow me I will NEVER get ready. NEVER. It is literally impossible to get ready in a decent amount of time with three little kids bombarding your bathroom.

Trust me.

I know.

It's the reason I run fifteen minutes to three hours late for everything.

So, whilst I'm working on my hair, Stella comes running into the bathroom, looking like one hot mess screaming Stryker got into the cupcakes!!!!!!!!!

I panic. Of course, follow her immediately out to the kitchen where the left over Tinkerbell Cupcake Cake from Sunday's birthday party is smeared across my kitchen counters, my kitchen floor, my baby, and my poor little Stella's hair. Like ALL Over it. And it's not like the white-frosted-wing part. Or the flesh-colored-face part.

Oh no.

It's the GREEN DRESS part.

The part that stains my hands so severely they are still dyed green from the Sunday birthday party!!!!

Miraculously Stella's clothes come away unscathed.

And Conspicuously Scarlett is completely untouched by all this.

Stryker has consumed only Lord knows how many cupcakes at this point and in such a short amount of time, really, he should be applauded.

Or we should start looking into baby-food-eating-contests.

So, in my delusional minds eye, I still think we have time to get cleaned up, wipe down the kitchen and get to dance.

You did read delusional, right????

Because, man it took 45 minutes in the tub before Stella's hair turned back to her normal shade of brown and Stryker faded from a replica of the Hulk to a lighter shade of like, Easter Green.

He had literally painted himself from his face to his sleeveless arms.... He is still green today.

And. Let me tell you about his poop.

Not only is his poop green. Like frosting colored green.... BUT. It has dyed his legs and little toosh green too!! Yep. Apparently, whatever they put in that frosting, is not easily digested by our tummies.

I changed his diaper this morning and a profanity may have slipped out after five different wipes failed to turn his skin back to rosy pink.

My kitchen recovered though.

And I gave up on dance and then was able to recover mentally, emotionally.... ecumenically....

But what a MESS yesterday was.

Literally!!!!

I dubbed it Cupcakemageddon.

Zach came home from work and was a little bit worried about me. It was one of those things, where I knew he had also had a rough day at work, but instead of consoling him, he pulled me into his arms and was like, everything is gonna be ok. In the Wycliff John voice I love and adore.

No Fugee fans here?? Huh... Also, just to clear the air... Zach does not have a Rastafarian voice.... But it would be kind of awesome if he did, right???

So hopefully today will be mess free.

I need to get some work done. Like, some serious work done. Which probably means I should end this blog. But I have so many exciting things coming up I just can't even wait to tell you!!!!

Starting with the emails being sent back and forth between me and an editor. A professional editor.

Which in turn, makes me feel like a professional!!

This is exciting for several reasons... But the most exciting reason of all, is that soon I will start offering my books in print from Create Space!!!!!!

I don't know if anyone will buy a paperback version... But at least they will be available!!!! :)

Plus, this isn't just some editor I found in the white pages. This is like someone I just truly, truly respect and kind of emailed her on a whim, just hoping she could at least point me in a good direction. And it turned out she wanted to work with me!!!!

I'm really excited.

Now, it's time for the earliest lunch ever here at the Higginson Household. Look, I'm doing something on time today.

Maybe I'm a real grown up after all.

Or, more likely.

Maybe not.




Rachel

Phasellus facilisis convallis metus, ut imperdiet augue auctor nec. Duis at velit id augue lobortis porta. Sed varius, enim accumsan aliquam tincidunt, tortor urna vulputate quam, eget finibus urna est in augue.

2 comments:

  1. Is there a way for me to like pre-order copies of your books in print? i would like to buy paper back copies of the books to lend to my friends. I've told them all how amazing your series is and that they should read it but none of them have a kindle or anything like that to buy them on.
    -Gwen Jones

    ReplyDelete
  2. I honestly... don't know if there is a way to pre-order. I am so new to this, I'm a little worried I will figure out how to get them into print to order-order them!!! Lol. But thanks for the enthusiasm and I will definitely announce it if there is a way!!!!

    ReplyDelete