I'm waiting to go to lunch right now.

A real, grown up lunch, sans kidlets and with old friends.

Doesn't that sound glorious????

I think so. When I was little, this is how I pictured adulthood. Lunches with the girls. A career that I loved. A husband that adored me. A house full of rambunctious children.

And pretty, flowing, gorgeous hair.

Well, four out of five ain't bad!

When I was little? It's still my idea of adulthood....

I think it stems from too many romantic comedies as a teenager. Of course life is very romanticized when Julia Roberts plays the heroine....

But now, even without the glamor of Hollywood, my ideals of what grownups should do haven't changed. Although ladies luncheons happen far less often than could ever be considered script material, the rest of it seems to be falling into place.

Even the career part. Although, lets be honest here, I have a very, very, very difficult time calling my books a career! In fact, it's so difficult for me to be cavalier with the word that the other night, we were out with friends and I said something like, "You know what real authors do...."

And our friends looked at me and said, "Real authors??? You ARE a real author!!"

And then I struggled to explain myself, "No, no, no, like, you know.... REAL authors. The ones that sell books."

They continued to look at me like I was crazy. And then the husband said, "So what will it take for you to feel like a real author??? Do you need movie rights and multi-million dollar movie franchises???"

Ok, yes, maybe it will take that. But still, I can't really picture any of that happening in my life. And even if it did happen, which.... let's get real, I don't think it will, but if it ever did I have the entire cast picked out and ready to go thanks to IMBD.... Oh, yes I do!! :) I still don't know if I would ever feel... like, I don't know... Like an actual grownup.

It's that darn Peter Pan Complex. I'll be a child-woman forever.

A frazzled child-woman forever..... A frazzled, always late, completely-scatter-brained, child-woman forever.

Oh, my future looks awfully bleak.

I just got the sweetest text from a dear friend, she said, I just caught up on your blog, you sound frazzled.

Oh, this blog.... Sorry for unloading on you. I didn't mean to come across as out of my mind. But I'm pretty sure at this point in my life, it's impossible to hide.

Dang it!

But I recognized my spinning out of control even before the sweet text and so this weekend I haven't written a single word. I know that sounds even crazier with a deadline looming over my head and eleven chapters that still need to be written, but lest you want every character to meet some drastic and untimely end, I needed to breathe.

I am task-oriented to a fault. Even Zach will tell you it's down right irritating. When I have a job, a deadline, a task to do, I put my head down and don't stop, don't look up, don't even acknowledge any other part of this world.

But sometimes perspective is more important than finishing the project and that's where I spent this weekend. With family, celebrating birthdays and gaining perspective.

And I actually feel good.

At first, it was really, really, really hard. Friday, I spent the whole day cleaning my house because our big birthday party for Stryker and Zach was Sunday. And I ran around the house like a tazmanian devil with wild eyes and crazy hair, knowing that if I could finish everything before dinner I would be able to write that evening. Well, Zach came home with two movies. One for the kidlets and one for us and when I didn't finish cleaning the house until 8PM I collapsed, exhausted onto the couch and enjoyed family night instead. First with my precious little babies. Second with the hubs. I needed that... Needed it.

Then Saturday came along and my mother planned my day for me. Which lets be honest, completely stressed me out because in my head I was going to write all day Saturday and spend time with my family on Sunday. Even though my brother and his girlfriend were here from out of town, surely they would understand a deadline. Besides, I need to utilize the time Zach is home to watch the kids, right?????

Right.

But anyways, dance always occupies Saturday morning, and especially last Saturday morning... And then it was off to obey my mother. Which meant a manicure and pedicure, shopping all by myself and dinner with the family!

Doesn't that just sound awful?????

Ok!!! That is exactly how task-oriented I am. I was actually DREADING THOSE THINGS. Seriously, what is wrong with me. Well, it took all of two seconds with my feet soaking in the foot bath before I got over that! It was right then and there that I decided to give myself an internal, hard shake and enjoy the day no matter how far behind it was making me. I was already involved with the pedicure, already committed to spending time with my family, what the hell was wrong with me???

So I sat back and breathed for the first time in weeks. And not just breathed in and out.. I breathed long, deep breaths that filled my lungs and cleared my head.

It was the perfect day.

I even finished some editing Saturday night. And then collapsed into bed early.

Sunday was all birthday party, all day. And it was so fun. By this time I had given up writing all together, even considered retiring...

Just kidding!!!!

And so when Zach's brother called that evening to see if we wanted to have a game night with him and his girlfriend, I just smiled and said I'd love to!

Besides, my feet literally hurt from the birthday party and I hadn't seen my husband all day! There were way too many people in the way!! :)

And then today. I toyed with the idea of having the whole day to write. It is a holiday after all. Zach doesn't have to work. But who can get any work done around here when there are lunches to go to and a brother who wants fancy pictures taken of him and his girlfriend!!!!!

Oh, plus that last effects of a birthday party that needed to be cleaned up....

But on this side of the weekend I am taking it all in stride. The book will get done. It has to, otherwise I might just turn into a serious skitzophrenic... It's all in my head, banging it's way to the outside, trust me!

I'm not frazzled today. Today I'm breathing. I'm even showered. And unlike ALL of my previous book releases, I will be going into this one with manicured fingernails, painted toes, plucked eyebrows and thanks to the glorious hair appointment scheduled for tomorrow maybe even pretty, flowing, gorgeous hair.....

Well, probably not that one, but three out of four ain't bad.... :)