First and foremost, Regan, can you message me on Facebook? Does that work? And we'll chat there. I'm terrible at blog comments and half the time they don't seem to get posted....

Ok, On to business. At the beginning of the week, I posted how I was resurfacing back into humanity.

Let's go ahead and get this out in the open. That was a lie.

I'm not resurfacing! I'm burrowing. Deep. Deep. Deep down under.

Yesterday was the first day I left the farm since Christmas Eve and that was only for Laundry. Trust me, if laundry wasn't such a darn necessary evil, I would never have risked driving into town.

Yet here I am again today, because laundry is apparently taking TWO days this week. Oh. The. Horror.

Only, today I don't have children with me, so this might end up being an all day affair.

No, I wouldn't do that. Don't worry!!! Because Zach has to leave around noon today to go camping!!! Can you believe it???? Camping. Seriously? It's supposed to get down to like 20 degrees tonight, not to mention everything is filthy muddy.

But whatever. Who am I to judge? He wants to hike off into the woods with a bunch of his guy friends to reaffirm his manhood around a drum circle and a bottle of scotch. It is all perfectly normal.

Ok, there's not really a drum circle.

And trust me, all I can see is the long working-night ahead of me with absolutely no interruptions. I love that man more than life itself, but I've got a deadline. :)

Zach asked me, Ok, what can I take with me so that I don't get bored?

Let's face it, there's not a whole lot to do in the middle of nowhere in the middle of winter....

And so I told him to take a Stripper.

(Just kidding of course.)

But then he mentioned it might not be exactly easy to convince a stripper to meet a bunch of guys in the middle of nowhere in the middle of winter....

Valid point.

:)

Just kidding to all of this!!!!!!

Anyway, that is so not where I was going this morning. What I'm TRYING to say, is that, I haven't resurfaced at all. In fact, I am so buried with work right now I can't even keep my days from my nights straight.

What time is it? Where am I?

I am frantically writing this book. And not just because I have somewhat of a deadline, because I definitely have that, but because the story is there, in my head, rattling around in my brain and I desperately need to get it out of me.

Or I might just go crazy. Like certifiable multiple personalities. And that's not a joke.....

I was dragging my feet for a long time about this last book and I finally decided that I am just having a really, really hard time saying goodbye to these characters that have become this huge part of my life. We've been together for years now and even though I finally know how the story ends.... ahem, aren't you glad for that....? I don't want it to!

I'm way too attached!!! Believe me.

Last night, I wrote a chapter and sobbed the whole way through!!!! And after you read the book and ask me which chapter, you'll be like, really? That's the chapter you cried over??? Why on earth?????

And I will have no answer for you. Except that I am almost heartbroken to finish these books. And at the same time so excited to give at least some form of resolution that I can hardly wait to get to the final chapter!!

I'm dreaming about them. Although, I've been having major crazy dreams lately anyway, but I know it's because I'm just so absorbed in the fiction world. I can't stop thinking about them. I have no perception of reality anymore.

There's a quote I read once, and I can't remember which author said it, but they said "Even when I'm staring off into space, I'm working."

I've been thinking of that a lot lately, as Zach asks me every fifteen minutes is somethings wrong.... And I reply to him, "No, I'm fine!!! I'm just writing. And he's like, you're just writing?? You're just sitting there! Doing nothing!!

:)

Don't I know it.

And this is my creative process. I give myself very short deadlines, but in truth it wouldn't matter if I had a year to write or two years to write, I'm not the kind of girl you would ever describe as "Well-Prepared." or. "Ahead of the Game."

Oh, no, I have to get down to the last minutes to ensure the best product possible comes out. If I give myself too much time, self-doubt and insecurity sets in and I change everything a bazillion times. And I end up hating it all.

So, this is becoming quite the hectic last minute push. But hopefully it will pay off.

And if I have to hear one more time, "What are you doing for New Years Eve?" I might break down into tears.

I don't know what I'm doing! I haven't had a second to think about it! And frankly, if you want to know what I WANT to do, it involves pajamas, a bottle of champagne all to myself and peace and quiet in front of my lap top with my playlist on repeat.

But that's not very socially acceptable is it?

Although our group of friends want to end the night in front of board games, so I'm not sure how that is exactly much better. And I'll tell you this, if I have to play a game where I have to actually think about something, I might just take my bottle of champagne, grab a notepad and find a quiet corner somewhere. Just kidding kind of...

But seriously, don't bring out monopoly, or risk, or acquire. Give me something I'm good at, the non-thinking, just yell whatever comes to your mind first games, like Catch Phrase!

That's a good game.

I'm a mess, aren't I?

But here's a story I'm dying to tell you. Ok, not really a story, more of a confessional that is eating me alive with guilt and I need to just GET it out there...

Ok, so after I started to get paid for these little books I write, I promised myself that I would get a pedicure. I said, that's the only thing I want to buy for myself and I want to do it ASAP.

Also, because I need one ASAP....

Well, that didn't happen. Mainly because I'm just plain terrible with follow through and also because honestly, who has time for those kinds of things? Not me. Especially not me during the holiday season with a book deadline looming over my head.

So. Last night. I ran to the store for a variety of items and decided that since I couldn't splurge on myself with a mani/pedi I would pamper myself with things from the grocery store that I can suddenly afford and still breathe correctly after I leave the checkout lane.

Now don't laugh....

But that definitely included some nice disposable razors!!!! And those were a necessity since my last shower and shave could have been confused with a mid-eighteenth-century blood letting!!!!

Plus believe me, there is nothing less-sexy than coming to bed with band-aids from toe to knee cap like a homemade cast. It's just not pretty.....

Also. I picked up some pretty smelling body wash. I was very, very, very excited with that purchase. And although it was only $4, it was a splurge from the left over bubble bath I got for a bridal shower and never used until recently when I decided I wouldn't buy any more body wash until I had used every last drop of the ginormous store of bubble bath gift items people have given me over the years and I've never used.

I just don't take baths....

So I broke that law yesterday and bought an actually body wash!

Although, the ingredients of this body wash are so ridiculous, I don't even know where to begin and I'm almost positive I'll be allergic to it.

Like Jojoba Butter.... Yep, I can already feel the hives..... But until then, I'm going to smell pretty!!!

It was really the Crushed Orchid that sold me on the purchase. Of course I want to smell like crushed orchid. Who doesn't????

And finally, this is my most extravagant purchase maybe.... ever. And I'm almost ashamed of buying it. I couldn't even tell Zach about it. I was too ashamed....

Ok, big breath.

So. My hair. We all know what a calamity the top of my head holds.... And I got into a very, very bad habit of using excesses of Hair Spray.

Ok, first of all, I've never used hair spray in my life. But. Now that my hair is so darn long, it's very, very heavy and it pulls down the volume I love on the top of my head.

I'm a big hair kind of girl, what can I say?

Anyway, every morning no matter what, my hair needs to be sprayed down with some kind of product to re-institute the curls and get things in like a tamed sort of chaos.... And while we were so poor I turned, out of desperate need, to Hair Spray.

It does the job of both giving me volume, excesses of it actually, AND re-bouncing all my curls.

It also does a fantastic job with breakage and split-ends. Something I don't usually have a problem with because my hair strands are so thick, one might confuse them with a horse's mane....

So yesterday, while I perused the health and beauty aisle of the grocery store, I thought to myself, "Rachel, you work hard, you are finally providing something that isn't laughable and you deserve to pamper yourself. Since a pedicure is not on the horizon for at least two more weeks, you should buy yourself some fancy, expensive, Spray Gel!!!"

What a fantastic argument, right???? I mean seriously, Spray Gel does the exact same job as Hair Spray only it's not nearly so rough, OR so sticky.

And I even walked passed my usual brands. I moved quickly by Fructis, even though it smells good, I think it's actually horrible for your hair, I even moved right on by Tresemme, even though that is usually my go to hair product supplier and for no other reason than I have a friend who's cousin used to model and that was the only grocery store shampoo she was allowed to use, couple that with the Project Runway Tresemme Hair Salon and I pretty much have this very biased, but lacking actual facts allegiance to it.

Don't you dare call me a sucker!!!

:)

Anyway, I moved to the part of the hair products I have never, not once, not in my entire life paid attention to. You know the end part, with the Bed Head and the J. Crew and the Big Bouncy Curls, which sounds exactly like what I need, although one look at the price tag had me sighing wistfully and moving right along.

Holy Freaking Cow! I didn't know they were legally allowed to charge that for a bottle so small!!!!

Do you know how much they charge you for a tiny, I mean, itty bitty bottle of shampoo that would only last me four showers, tops???????

It's seriously outrageous.

Almost too obscene for this blog.

And to make matters worse they actually had the audacity to demoralize the whole section by slapping sale stickers on everything!!! I'm sorry, but taking a product down from $18.99 to $16.99 is not a sale. That's a sin.

Lindsay. Miriah. Stop laughing at me!!

(Those are my friends that take impeccable care of their hair... And if they're not laughing then they're probably crying for my poor neglected hair.)

Ok, but even after I got over the shock, horror and travesty of it all, I stood my ground, determined not to give up my pursuit of pampering.

And I stood my ground for a long time. Like thirty minutes long, trying to decide on which damned product to buy and constantly convincing myself not to go back to the normal priced section. The familiar section. My section.... (The Cheap Section.)

In the end I settled on Paul Mitchell. And I didn't even buy his stuff on sale. (Yes, I actually believe Paul is the one selling his product. He better be for those prices anyway.)

But his Soft Spray Gel was still cheaper NOT on sale than everything else ON sale. So, I took a big breath, put the Burt's Bees Colored Lip Balm back on the rack, because it suddenly felt like a wild extravagance even though it was only two dollars and I've wanted to try the stuff since high school..... and picked up my $12 bottle of spray gel.

Then of course, I walked around the grocery store for another fifteen minutes decided if I was really brave enough/wondering if I REALLY needed it, because hair spray has really been doing just a wonderful job, and why can't I remember that??? before I made it to the checkout.

I even took a personal call from my sister-in-law in which we talked about nothing important just to make sure I still wanted the stuff at the end of the call.

And the whole time Zach was like, how long does it take to pick out a bottle of tequila??????

I used it this morning. The hair gel, not the tequila.....

And.

Then I had to go back and use hair spray because it didn't even get the whole job done!!!!

Do my curls look better this morning because of it???? Are they bouncier? More full of life? Springy to the point of flirtatious perfection???

Who's to say.

I can only see aggressive dollar signs every time I look in the mirror. Like my curls are actually formed into dollar signs..... I have a head full of these: $$$$$$

But now my argument, is that it was only $8 more than the regular stuff I buy and that isn't really SO much in the grand scheme of things....

Right?

Right.

I've decided.

Don't expect this to become a habit though. Good lord, I might start having nervous breakdowns every time I walk into the grocery store!!!

What? You don't buy your hair product from a grocery store? You buy it from a salon?

First, don't use dirty words around me.

And second, baby steps. Baby steps....