Ok, so there are like a million things I need to post about. And I have a short window of opportunity while my kidlets are in the tub.

It's not their like, get-clean-tub. They had that this morning. This is just their fun-tub.

I am a firm believer that whenever my children are bored, just throw them in the bath and let them play.

It works every time.

Ok, first of all. And this is of the UTMOST importance.

I have a new favorite ice cream and I think it is the most amazing thing ever and so I need to share it with you!

The brand is Kemps.

And the flavor is Black Raspberry Swirl. And it is kind of to DIE for.

The box also promises that it is "Real Ice Cream." And it doesn't lie. So that's also a plus.

I never used to be much of a chocolate person. Like, I liked chocolate but didn't love it. I love Caramel. I still do. And that's like, my thing.

But now. I've made room in my heart to also love Chocolate.

Not nearly as much.

But the love is there all the same.

I also, used to not really like fruit flavored things. Like, I liked fruit, but not really fruity ice cream. But somewhere along the lines, that has also happened. And now the most perfect treat, the best snack, the most divine piece of heaven for me is chocolate and fruit together.

Red Mango is my ideal place to... live. All that fruit flavored yogurt. All of those chocolate toppings. Um, that is what God's Kingdom on Earth looks like.

Believe me. You thought it was at church, but you were so wrong. Sorry.

Last night at dance Lindsay and Bridget were all talking about Boot Camp this and Boot Camp that and how one of them loves kick boxing and the other hates it and all I kept thinking about was the Honey BBQ boneless wings from Applebees that Zach and I had talked about earlier dipped in Mexi-Ranch.

Which, you can tell me how awful that sounds, but until you try it. Don't judge!!

Because it is yum. I promise. And I would never lie to you. At least about food.

One day, I'[ll get it under control.. One day.

But. The ice cream. You must try it. It is a swirl, like the label claims and it swirls black raspberry with creamy vanilla AND it has chunks of chocolate in it.

Sounds amazing, right?

And it's kind of light, it's definitely not too rich which is my new fave kind of dessert. I'm moving away from the rich stuff and opting for light and easy.

Ok, next thing.

DO NOT FORGET about my Giveaway!!!! Here is the link to the blog! You must, must, must check it out, and report back on the comment section so you have a chance to win a FREE My Memories Suite Software Package!!!

Alright. Third thing.

Can I just show you the text message Zach sent to me today. He is just the most amazing man I think God has EVER created and I am just so in love with him. So. I have to brag about him. Of course, please remember not to say anything to him. He not only doesn't like to be on the blog, but.... he would be so embarrassed!!! :) Here's what the text said: "Hey let's have a "business" meeting tonight and kind of figure out some goals for your books ect and see if there is anything I can do to help you do that with watching kids in the evenings or whatever."

Omg. How sweet, right?

No wonder I got the whole romance part of the books down.

And finally.

We've all known that I.... what's the word? Struggle, socially. Right? I mean, in social interactions.

I am the oddest person I know. And I so don't mean that in a like, look at me, I'm so quirky way. I mean that totally in a like, I'm sorry you have to have a conversation with me because I'm probably going to say something super weird that's going to definitely make you feel uncomfortable sort of way.

And there are a few exceptions in my life that just get me.

My highschool friends. We grew up together. They never had a chance.

My college friends. Melinda, Kimbra and Kendra, thank the Lord for them and that they have learned, and I do mean learn, it was for sure a struggle, to deal with me.

Lindsay. Love her. And she puts up with me. She's probably totally embarrassed of me at the Studio and wants to pretend like she doesn't know me in front of all of the other dance moms, but that's a different story.

Which, I've never fit in at the Studio, lets just be honest. Those moms are gorgeous, rich and skinny. Seriously. Here's an example: Ok, on the t-shirt list, I was the ONLY mom to put XL for a size. The ONLY one. I'm like, hello! Aren't there other XL's in this world????

Apparently not.

Which is fine with me, because they can get up and go to boot camp at 5AM and I will sleep in an hour and sit on my ice-cream eating butt and blog while they're working their small-non-eating butts right off.

But anyways. There is totally a group of parents from the studio who are all Facebook friends and guess who was not invited to be friends with them!!! Me.

That's right. I'm the loser, hippy outcast mom with the kids that run my life and show up to dance looking all crazy and we can't get anywhere on time to save our lives. I'm the nerd. The wall flower. The uncool.

Such is life.

At least I have Lindsay.

And then Miriah. She understands me. Lord only knows why. But she does.

And that literally rounds out the group of people that don't mind the crazy.

I have other friends. And especially like other "Couple" friends but those girls completely think I'm bananas.

And Kylee and Kellie are forced to put up with me because we're family, so they don't count.

So, we've established Dance thinks I'm certifiable. And Preschool moms have no idea what to do with the Child-trapped-inside-the-mom-of-three-kids-and-dresses-like-a-homeless-woman-woman.

And other than the list of friends up there, the rest of my friends think I'm a nut.

But. Now. My poor Bible Study group!!!

Ok, this morning I used an example about myself and the adjective I used was CRUCIFIED.

As in, I said something about the "Crucified version of myself."

Guess who doesn't think that's a very light description of oneself? Um, probably women who also talk about the heaviness of Jesus Christ's crucifixion!

Um. Yeah.

But really, are we like, It's too soon to make light of that?

Maybe. Geesh. I kept thinking, shut up, shut up, shut up. Go back to writing for a living and leave the talking to the grownups.

Oh, Lord. I just feel bad for them. Last week I talked about how I thought Moses needs to Man-Up.

And then, this week on top of the crucifixion joke, I said something ridiculous about how when I got married at 21 I didn't even understand what the word marriage meant.

Obviously, I was joking, but I think there were more worried glances than chuckles.

I was just trying to be funny.

And then, at the end of the class, one of the women asked from across the table, "Rachel, do you mind if I ask how old you are?"

And I'm like "Holy crap, are you asking this because I just told your friend that I would totally kick her butt in arm wrestling, because AGAIN I was just joking!" Even if ok, it might have been totally inappropriate to shout that at a nearly complete stranger....

But I told her how old I was. Thinking, ok, they know how old I am..... Now they're going to think I have like the reverse Benjamin Button Disease. Like the older I get, the more immature I get.


Oh, and then, they were talking about how young 27 is, which if you know me, I do not feel like it's young, I feel like I should be crawling onto my death bed all Yoda Style. Especially with the gray hairs and crows feet.... Ahem..... Focus....

And so another woman was like, I'm about to turn 31 and I am freaking out.

So to comfort her. I say, "Oh my gosh, I totally understand!!! I am TERRIFIED to turn 30!!!!!"

Oh, I'm sure that helped her feel really nice and warm inside.

Or she wants to kill me.

But what I meant to say was that, for everyone else it's totally, one hundred percent wonderful, I just act like a twelve year old most of the time and it's getting worse with age and I have a clinically diagnosed Peter Pan complex, but you look amazing and shouldn't worry about 31 at all. It's going to be an amazing year for you, I just know it....

But did that come out?

Absolutely not. Why would it? Why on earth would I take three minutes out of my life to sound like a normal, sane, not-bitchy person?

I have no idea. Seriously, if you have any ideas, any at all, I would LOVE to hear them.

So we parted ways with me telling her how deathly afraid of 30 I am. And her not really, probably not ever going to want to talk to me again.


And to end this blog, I am just going to need to apologize to the whole wide world for anything I might have said, could have said, or will definitely say in the near future.

I don't mean any of it.

The end.


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