Today is Stella's first day of school.

And she was so excited last night, she was a mess trying to get to bed. And then this morning, she was up before Scarlett and listened perfectly. She even posed for numerous First Day of School Pictures! And we actually got to school on time!

That alone is huge in itself.

Like, maybe a once in a life time accomplishment.

But then. I walked her inside. And she didn't want me to leave. She was grasping my hand like it was her lifeline and I was doing my best to hold it together.

I knew that if I could leave, that if she would let go and let me leave her there by herself she would be fine.

She would not only be fine, she would flourish.

So, I talked her through it ten times and told her I loved her a million times and then walked to the door, where her AMAZING teacher stepped in and distracted her and I left.

I got in my car, and drove the other two kidlets home.

And I'm sure she is fine. I'm sure she is exactly how I knew she would be and is loving school and making friends and listening to her teacher and not messing up her dress.

In which she told me, "Don't worry mommy, I won't play in the sand in this outfit. I won't ruin it."

But now I am a bundle of nerves and my stomach is twisted with worry and all I keep thinking is I shouldn't have left.

She needed me.

And I left.

And what if she's not having a fantastic time? What if she is hating it? And what if she's not making friends? And in the corner crying for her mommy that left her???

Ugh.

Isn't it awful to be a parent?

I keep telling myself that I'm acting crazy and that she's fine and that if there was a real problem the school would call me and my phone is right next to me on full volume in the best area for service in our house and nothing, not a peep.

I also keep staring down at my phone knowing that I will eventually have to call Zach and he will inevitably have to reassure me that I am crazy and that this is all in my head and my little baby girl is fine.

I'm just pushing that for as long as possible. Not only am I worried that after the phone call, my husband will strongly suggest I see a therapist, but because if it doesn't work. If Zach doesn't get through to me, I'm very worried I will throw the other two in the car and park at her school and just watch her door, or her at recess, just to make sure everything is ok!

What I really should be doing is just enjoying how easy my morning is while she is at school.

Turns out two kids is a piece of cake. Stryker is just crawling around, talking to himself and being the cutest thing God has ever created.

And Scarlett. My precious Scarlett. The quintessential second born, that could play her entire life by herself and be completely happy with that.

My favorite though, is that as soon as we walk in the door, Scar says, "Mommy, I need Stella's leapfrog. She's at school so I get to play with it."

And then she did. Although, she doesn't even really get it. She sat down on the couch and pushed all of the buttons for a good thirty minutes.

Now she's doing a puzzle.

Have I told you lately that I think she's a genius?

No? Ok.

Anyways. I felt like I was losing it. And so why not share with the entire Internet world just exactly how bananas I am.

I thought it would help. And calm me down.

But.

I'm not so sure.

But at least I got pictures.

The school girl herself!


And her sister. This is her "Pose." Work it.


Backpack Ready.


The sisters. At this point one of them was very, very excited for school. And the other one was screaming, "I don't want my sister to go to school!!!!"

But then she posed.

She is a rock star.

Ok, they both are.


Oh, quick. Don't forget you have three kids!


And after we got home. It's her turn to rule the roost.