Today I am bound and determined to clean this house. Mark my words. I have been losing this damn Clean House battle for the last week and a half and today is the day I win. I will conquer this.

Although I said the same thing yesterday.

And got my pride handed to me at the end of the day with one clean room and a finished bathroom.

Although the room was my bedroom. And the bathroom the master. But you couldn't even appreciate the cleanliness thanks to the like 500 loads of laundry that need to be folded.

Not even kidding.

So today, the rest of the house.

Last week my whole things was, I'd rather have memories of my children than memories of a clean house. They are more important and we had a wonderful week.

This week, well, especially today, my whole thing is maybe the TV. The entire day. Just to get stuff done.

I mean, seriously, I'm not going to have memories of my children if CPS comes in and takes them away on grounds that I belong on a TLC Hoarders show.

Right?

Isn't Child Services looking into all of those hoarding parents? I think I read that on MSN or something.

How awful.

Good thing my husband is so understanding.

And its not terrible. I mean the kitchen is clean and the table is cleared off and that for me are some serious tell-tale signs of the level of filth.

But I do need some deep cleaning in my life. And some clothes folding.

Anyways. Speaking of marriage. (What?) I went to a Bridal Shower over the weekend. One of our dear friends is getting married, thank God, and it was for his fiance. She is the sweetest girl. Like the sweetest. Like so sweet that both my gift and advice on the card were totally inappropriate.

In fact, the whole day I was kind of inappropriate.

I don't know what was wrong with me.

First let me just say, that the only people I even knew there were my Mother-In-Law, my still in High School Sister-In-Law and the Mother of the Groom. Oh and the Bride, but because I know the Bride, I should have known to change my tune.

Anyways.

So we played this game called Scategories. First of all, LOVE IT. Definitely will be making an appearance in the Higginson Home soon. It was really fun. But we had the Letter P and had to answer all of these questions about the wedding using words that start with P.

My answers included Panties and Procreate.

Throw that in with a sexy shower gift(By the way, I was the ONLY one who brought anything not for the kitchen....) and sex advice in the card, you should have just labeled me Pervert.

Especially for this Bride, who has a little more class and propriety than I, um, do.

I can't help it.

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I for some reason always feel the need to offer sex advice. Maybe because I have a fantastic sex life? (Sorry Mom.) Or because I know how important sex is for a successful marriage? I don't know, but it is out of control.

Well, you know me. I feel the need to advise on every topic.... Ever.

But marriage advice is on an entirely different know-it-all plain for me. Yikes.

In fact, I was going over with a friend what to put in the card, and I had so many ideas that she was like, You should write a book on that.

Unfortunately I don't think six years of marriage marks the badge of an expert. But I do know what works for us!

And I might not write a book about it..... BUT I do have a blog!

So instead of chapters, lets do another Top Ten List. Whoo Hoo. Oh and let me just say, I could have easily made a top ten of strictly In The Bedroom Topics. But to save my mother and my aunt a great amount of emotional scarring, I'm going to lower the rating on this from XXX to PG-13.

Hopefully PG-13. If it starts to veer into the NC-17 category, I apologize ahead of time! I also want to just remind everybody that this is what works for us and it might not work for you, but these are the top ten marriage advice ideas I couldn't decide which one to put on this particular Bride's card. If you are happy in your marriage and don't do any of these, do not think I am judging you by any means! In fact, these are more for the soon to be married individuals, rather than those already partaking in marital bliss.

Top Ten List of Love and Marriage.

1. This is the one that made the card. The advice card. If you've been to a shower, you know what I'm talking about. For the Blushing Bride on Saturday as I gave her several pairs of see-thru lace panties (Don't you just hate that word? Ugh....), Make ordinary moments unexpectedly sexy, so that you can stay honeymooners for as long as possible. What I mean by that is, you don't always have to be naked under a trench coat for there to be excitement. A sexy pair of undies while you're running errands goes a long way. And it accomplishes the one thing that I think all men are thankful for, it shows that you're also thinking about later, and he's not crazy and obsessive after all. Although we all know that he is. Or they are. Or whatever.

2. Ok

3. Give each other space. And I blogged about this the other night. But seriously, get girl time. Give guy time. Even if you have the kind of guy that doesn't want to go out with his friends, still take it. Take alone time. Because if you don't, one day you are going to wake up surrounded by children and in a habit with your husband to never leave his side and you are going to be frazzled and crazy and stressed out and that is the opposite of conducive-ness for marriage. So find ways to relax. And think on your own. And come back to your marriage rested and ready to tackle things together.

4. Oh. This was another Bridal Shower Gem of mine and I'm pretty sure the Bride about killed me for this, after it was read aloud. It's inevitable the guy is going to want to consummate the marriage more than you, but give in, as often as you can, or like every time. Even if you're tired. Even if you've been covered in spit-up and haven't showered for four days and feel the opposite of sexy. It doesn't take that long. You'll both sleep better afterwards. And as the saying goes, Practice Makes Perfect. And that I truly believe. (Even if it means you need to practice twice. In one night.) The point is, don't make sex something to fight over. I promise, the more you do it. The better it gets.

5. This piece of advice is from my mother and I believe it's brilliant. Whatever he does before you get married, just let him do after you get married. Like, if he has made his lunch forever, don't start making it for him once he's married. Or if he is used to taking out the trash, by all means, you let him. You can't do everything for everybody. That's a fact. So my follow up advice would be to marry someone who has been an adult and single for a while, it turns out they can do a lot for themselves. It also turns out that when you marry your high school sweetheart at a ridiculously young age, they can't. :) Just kidding. As a general rule around here, I don't know how to change a light bulb, take out the trash or kill a bug.

6. Protect your marriage first. This is one of those lovely pieces of advice that comes with much too much experience. Keep your mouth shut to your friends and family. He is your husband and don't you want everyone to think you married the most amazing man alive? I mean, I actually did.... So.... But seriously, if there is one thing I have learned about life it is this, wives can keep absolutely nothing from their husbands, nothing. And men, as it turns out, gossip more than girls do, only since they don't call it gossip and for the sake of story telling exaggerate without conscience, get word around fast. So protect your husband first.

7. Let him have his vices outside of the home. You're not going to change anybody and the less nagging the better. Although I've never once heard a girl refer to her "Advice" or "Suggestions" as nagging, but I have noticed guys refer to the smallest of well-intentioned comments as the worst kind of "Nagging." So better in my opinion to let him have those things that are not harmful to your family. And to take a step back at what Harmful means. Yes, gambling all your money away, definitely harmful. Strippers? Obviously, not going in a good direction there. Smoking in front of your children? Worth fighting over. But cigars on poker night? A bottle of scotch with the guys? Video Games till 3 AM after the kids are in bed? You'll survive. Put up with the smell, fix him a gentle breakfast and be glad for the night off. :) Boys will aways be boys, but they tend to be more honest about it if they don't feel judged.

8. This one might make the feminists a little, um.... angry. Ok, not even the feminists, like a lot of ladies. But serve him. Serve him in every way until he says, Please let me do that. Because I promise you, as long as you haven't married a jerk, he will serve you back. Cook for him. Clean for him. Fold his clothes. Have dinner ready every night, or almost every night. And breakfast when he's home for it. Run his errands. Make his phone calls. And I really believe he will serve you in the same way. It's all about mutual respect and serving without complaining. You're in it together. Help mates. So do your part and he will do his.

9. Ok, if that one didn't make you mad. This one surely will. Wear what he likes. Yes, I said it. Wear what he likes. He knows what looks good on you. He knows exactly what he finds sexy. Just because you think something looks cute doesn't mean you should wear it on a date. Zach and I have conversations all the time, well mainly because I tend to dress like a homeless gyspy, about what he likes. And for him, I wear those things he likes and save the Chic Pirate for dance moms and play dates. Which can I just say that yesterday was one of those days when I actually had clean hair but it was completely and totally flat and wouldn't curl. And so I solved the problem with a side bun and a trucker hat. Yes. One of those Ashton Kutcher hideous things I picked up in college when Punk'd was cool and I thought I was trendy. Oh my. And not only did I decide it was appropriate to wear to the grocery store. I also felt the need to sport the damn thing at dance. What is wrong with me? But as soon as I got home, the hat was back in its forgotten pile and my hair was in a better, more attractive greeting for my husband. Don't get me wrong, you know I'm an advocate for the Ugly Day more than anybody else, but at the same time, when 4:00 PM rolls around I've usually thrown on make up and a more flattering tank top or at least a bra to greet my hubby in. Not because he has asked for it, but because I always want him to think that I am sexy. And if you want to tell me that he should think I'm sexy no matter what. I would tell you that he does. But then I would tell you get real. I've seen what I look like on Ugly Days. They're called Ugly Days for a reason.

And 10. Love. All you need is love. Love unconditionally. To the true meaning of the word Unconditional. Love deeply and movingly. Love until you can't even think about why you love him so much without crying. Remember why you married him. Remember why he gave you butterflies and made you dream about a future together. Now that you are living that future Just Love Him. Usually whatever the reasons for Love in the first place are the same reasons for arguments and discord. So forget all of that. Forget being irritated and upset and stressed and forget everything but Love. Because that's all we have. Love is Patient. Love is Kind. Love is not jealous or proud. Love is just love. And I believe that with all of my heart.

So there you have it. My Top Ten List for a Successful Marriage. No, really, I don't know if that's all you need. Or if those will even work for you in your situation. But that's what works for us. And the truth is, I didn't know happiness like this existed.

Ugh. Gross. Enough of the Mushy. Poor Miriah is already in excruciating pain and in the hospital. This is only going to make it worse.

Which by the way, please Pray for a speedy recovery for my dear friend Miriah, who just had invasive and awful surgery and is in a lot of pain and needs healing fast. She has a dance recital to get ready for!!

Also, please pray for Baby Brayden. He is the two week old baby of friends of ours from OCA. They are a newly wed couple, four years younger than Zach and I with a beautiful baby boy that was just recently rushed to the hospital because of brain damage that occurred before birth. He is seriously the most beautiful baby and the family is going through a terrible time right now. Please pray for them. And most of all for Brayden. That he would just be healed completely!