Extreme Hoarding

So. I was completely fascinated with Extreme Couponing.


It was crazy!

Those people get like thousands of dollars of groceries for like $6. I'm not kidding you. They end up paying like six dollars.

Ok, one of the guys did pay $100. But his total was over $6,000.

I seriously could not even believe my eyes.

Granted it wasn't like $6,000 worth of all different stuff. In fact, it was $4,000 worth of the same cereal... But still.

I could just eat cereal.

Forever. If I needed to. If I was going to get that much of it for such a small price. Not even kidding.

But as awesome as couponing sounds. I have several different problems with it.

The first being the language. You know how I don't like to cliche things. But here are these crazies, dedicating their lives, like 70 hours a week to couponing. And then, they have a language for it. And I find it semi-irritating.

Stock Pile: The thousands of dollars worth of food and beauty items they keep organized and stored away in their homes. Some of them even take out insurance policies on their stock piles because of how much they are worth! And then, the stock piles overtake their houses. Like wall to wall craziness. More on that later though.

Haul: This is what they refer to as their spoils from the grocery store. Their "Haul," the 9-12 carts full of groceries they are leaving with. Most of them had to have two separate cars to take everything home in. One guy even had a special trailer attached to his vehicle.

Clippings: The coupons themselves.

Weeklies: The weekly coupons that come in the paper.

And the list goes on, I just can't remember them right now.

So. Bizarre.

Ok, my second issue with them is that they seem more like hoarders than savers. Seriously. Their houses are just full of excess. Toilet paper piled from floor to ceiling. Shelves and shelves of pasta, or toothpaste or shampoo or soda or whatever. You name it. They don't even leave their kids' rooms out of it. They have food stashed away in literally ever nook and cranny that constitutes their dwelling. It was bananas.

Lindsay texted me yesterday and was like, I would donate that stuff!

And I Totally agree with her! What they get done for free or close to free is a gift and a talent. It seems as though a person should be able to give a haul that huge once a month to a food bank, or church, or mission. Could you imagine how much good that would do?

Some of those people had like toilet paper to last for forty years. Or deodorant for 130 years. It seems to me that the homeless could use some of it! It's not like the extreme coupon clippers are going to stop getting that stuff. Or send it over to Japan.

They admit, as long as they can do it, they will.  So why not share the free but necessary wealth????

The one guy did give the $4,000 of cereal to a food bank. But still his house was just pressing at the seams with all of his "Stock Pile."

Ok, and my third and final problem with the whole Extreme Couponing.

I can't do it!!!

No store in Omaha has Double or Triple Coupons. And what those crazies, dedicated-money-savers accomplish can only be done if you are doubling or tripling coupons.

It's not fair.

Can't you see me in the store? Mountains of Paper Towels and Carts full of processed pasta meals and candy bars?

Oh I can.

Forget healthy, if it means free.

Especially the amenities that can be so expensive. Like deodorant and toilet paper, napkins, paper towels, ziplocs, shampoo, razors, facial products and hair products.

I could save like $6,000/year if I got good at that stuff. Not even kidding. I did the math. That's a lot of money!

But alas, Kroger let me down.

So. What am I going to do about it?

Fight it of course.

And by that I mean, write letters. Why can't they bring it back here? Seriously? Baker's has lost my business because I can get it cheaper at Wal-Mart. BUT. If they doubled my coupons, I would never even go to Wal-Mart because I would much, much, much rather support a smaller business and I can't stand Wal-Mart and the way they treat their employees and all of the other reasons you're supposed to hate Wal-Mart and blah blah, blah.

Oh and their terrible, terrible, terrible long lines.

Those are the worst.

And I swear, no matter what time of day Or night, it is, there is always a line to the middle of the store.

So. I will be writing letters if anyone wants to join me. I'll even just take your permission to use your name and address on the envelope I will fill out and stamp.

We'll see if I get anywhere. Zach thinks I'm crazy of course. And wonders if its like a state law or something. Why else would they deprive us?

Good question.

Don't worry. I'll get to the bottom of it.

And then, I'll write TLC and set it up for next season. Crazy Coupon Lady, here I come!!!!

I actually meant to write the letter yesterday. But it didn't happen. In fact, this week has been a reflection on just how much stuff can actually not happen.

This is what I set out to accomplish this week. Clean the house. Spring clean the kitchen and dining room. Write a letter to OCA about tuition. Write a letter to Kroger about coupons. Edit my second book. Clean out a carseat

This is what I got done.


Make Cookies.

Eat Cookies.

Eat way too many cookies....

Oh and Scarlett is like half potty trained.

And that has taken me the entire week. All five working days!

Epic failure. And I'm soooo tired. Like mentally, physically, emotionally, metaphysically, ecumenically, diabetically.... tired.

And there is no reason for it.

No reason I suppose, except to avoid the work list I've conjured up for myself.

I need a nanny.


Maybe I can hire one of those extreme couponers and get double my moneys' worth!!


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