It doesn't feel like a Monday today. I know that it is, but I have to keep reminding myself what day it is and its only 8.

This is going to be a long day.

But Monday's usually are.

Part of today's reason though is that Zach left yesterday morning at 4AM to go to work and didn't come home last night until after 9:30PM! Talk about a long day.

For him and me.

He is not the only one working, while he's at work.... Although I really do appreciate everything he does. And his hard work ethic and managerial skills. I would have fallen asleep on the road, crashed one of those expensive plows and probably blew myself up if I were him.

Thank goodness I'm not.

So we made it through the day and now we have to make it through this one. At least I think he'll be home today. I can't imagine him wanting to go back to work after pulling a 16 and a half hour shift yesterday. On a Sunday. The Lord's Day. The Sabbath. The Day of Rest.

So we're making today our Day of Rest. Except for a few loads of laundry that's all I'm doing today. Well and kid stuff. Like baths they should have had yesterday and all that. But that's it! Oh and probably the dishes. And then there will be meals.

Ok, seriously, in like for real Jewish Law how do moms of toddlers and newborns manage the whole "Rest" part of the Day of Rest??? I don't see how its possible! They can't even turn on the TV because that's considered work, how on earth to they change diapers and chase after kidlets?

I'm looking in to this.

Anyways. There might even be a trip to the doctor thrown in sometime this morning. So I don't know how restful today will really be.....

Last night, before Stryker went to bed his eyes were all red and swollen. Like bloodshot and almost matted shut and then one of them was really swollen.

Initial Reaction? Oh my gosh he's going blind! And I picked up the phone to dial 911.

Like, for real. That's what I did.

Ok, then I took a breath. And since Zach was on his way home, I decided to get a second opinion before I threw him in the Murano on a freezing night and drug him to the Emergency Room.

Mainly because a week ago we had him in the ER for jaundice and the doctor chewed us out for bring a newborn to the filthy, germ infested, cesspool of sickness. We were like, Um his eyes were yellow! Hello.

So I hesitated and then had an actual rational thought. I used a cool washcloth to clean his eyes and then patted them every few minutes like a compress.

And then by the time Zach had come home they were better. Not all the way, but not emergency room, screaming and yelling at the top of lungs, "Somebody help my son!" kind of bad.

We decided to wait until this morning to decide whether or not to go into the doctor. They could have easily just been irritated. Or had a hair in the one eye that was swollen. He was tearing the night before and it could be a blocked tear duct (In which case they suggest squirting, yes squirting that's a medical term..., breast milk into his eyes! I can't do it. It seems too bizarre. WAY too bizarre.) It could be an allergic reaction to my perfume since he's been laying on my chest. Or one of the girls could have easily poked him in the eye or even given the poor thing pink eye. Kids are so gross. And it's not like they have restraint. In fact, usually they go straight for his eyes.

But then when he woke up for this mornings feeding I was too tired to really give him a good look over and the lights were off.

So now I'm waiting. Waiting to see if those poor little baby eyes are ok.

It's like with every child you have to start over being a parent.

I mean, I have the basics down. It doesn't take me 20 minutes to buckle him into a carseat. And I have gotten better at putting newborn clothes on(Not an easy task the first few attempts.) over the years. They are just so squishy its tough to get those arms through the sleeves.

But every kid it's like the small things could be big things and you are never sure whether to go to the doctor, call the doctor or just rush him to the hospital.

Calling the doctor is always the easiest.

But with Newborns they always just want to see the child.

Well, now we live literally 30 minutes away from our pediatrician. And it kind of sucks. And its cold outside.

But if this is a true emergency better safe than sorry.

Do you see the internal battle?

I'll call. In the end I'll call. But this is the conversation I have with myself every single time. Every single child. FYI.

Even if it was Stella right now, I would be debating. And debating. And asking Zach, who's usual response, is: Rachel, do whatever you think is best. I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

Which is true. Sometimes I just need a nudge in the right direction.

And with Stryker its more than just remembering what to do. It actually is like I started over.

I had to relearn how to change diapers. And deal with circumcision. His belly button fell off WAY earlier than either one of the girls. And he's the smallest of the children.

Its like I'm starting ALL the way over.

Which is fine. It's worth it. I mean, I keep chanting this to myself over and over and over and over. But really. It's fine.....

I just thought I might have it figured out by now.

Who was I kidding?