The Princess and The Blog

Do you ever leave a place going over every conversation you had thinking to yourself, "Wow, I'm an idiot?"

If not, then congratulations because as it turns out you're amazing!

If so, then I am so sorry, and can relate to you in every way.

That's right: relate. I am a relater. And I am pretty sure it's a chronic disease. (Is this reminding anyone of AA?)

Oh, man! Did you see that? Just now? I was trying to relate to people who have gone through AA, like I know anything about AA or the struggles, battles and demons that correspond. Yikes, I really do have a problem.

I can't help it. I am a serious relater (Some might say Serial Relater. Ha.) and all I want to do is relate to people on every level. It doesn't matter the story, it doesn't matter the person, I am addicted to saying, "Oh, me too!!" Usually I blurt this out at the top of my lungs, sometimes I use the back of my hand and slap the other persons arm (Even violence. Shame on me.) and always, always I nod and shake my head rapidly with a big, goofy smile on my face that says, "Look, we're alike. Aren't you excited that we can relate about this? We are going to be best friends!" I know... Super Annoying.

I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't like this. Well, maybe that's not true. I used to be super, super shy when I was a little kid. Maybe I realized at some point that most of my peers were like me and by finding little ways to relate to them, I was able to come out of my shell.

Unfortunately for me, that little bit of social push to get me out there and talking became an obsession, a crutch and now a habit that I cannot for the life of me get rid of! I sit there talking to complete strangers, acquaintances and even close friends and no matter what story they tell me, or what anecdote they give I am right there with a story of my own just relating away.

I know exactly why I do it too. Well, first of all I assume everybody wants to be my friend. Not in an arrogant-I'm-awesome way, but in an I-generally-like-everybody-every body's-a-nice-person-and-everyone-in-the-world-can-be-friends-if-we-just-try-to-relate-at-some-level. You know, find a connection?

And this is how I know that my relating ability is an addiction. I see person A, person A sees me, I strike up a conversation with person A and they become involved. We laugh, we talk awkwardly, I tell a story, they tell a story and then it begins... Dun, dun, dun.

I can't help it. I relate by telling a story of my own. And then another and then another. Ending every one of their sentences with a very enthusiastic "I know!!!" They smile politely, sometimes maybe they don't notice, but most of the time I know what they're thinking:

"That biotch is trying to one-up me."

It's not true! I'm not! I promise it has nothing to do with stealing your thunder. Or taking your moment. Or saying that my problems are just as good or bad as yours. I understand that your experiences are very different then mine! In fact, I understand that the story I just told you actually had absolutely nothing to do with the story you told me!

It's like word vomit. My need to relate comes spilling out of me like someone just fed my brain ipecac. I try to stop it. I try to be aware of it. But it's never until the middle of a story that I realize I have done it again. I have one-uped you just trying to be your friend.

I don't think it stems from insecurity. I honestly think it stems from love, and just wanting everyone to be my friend because I want to be everyone elses friend. Yea, I know I'm a total hippie. But I can think of no other explanation.

I want to stop. Believe me I do. I hate the feeling after. It is totally like cheating on an addiction. And it sucks.

But the first step is admitting the problem right?

So here I am. I admit that I have a problem.

Sorry, friends and relatives. Sorry Zach. Sorry blockbuster guy and grocery check out girl. Sorry dance moms and play date friends. Sorry world.

I'm a Serial Thunder Stealer. And I have a problem.


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